I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired

Sorry I didn't know where to put this so I put it here. I just need to get this out.

I'm sick of feeling like a failure because I'm not in college like the rest of my friends are. My Grandma has asked me to go back to college before she dies. Its her one wish that she hopes to see. See I went to college and I was followed home by 4 homeless men. The cops almost pulled out guns on me when my friends and I are where walking by. They forgot to look for people. I was being made fun of big time because I wasn't like them. You name it I have been called it. My Advisor was horrible she didn't want to help me. So I came home from college. I was already extremely depressed before I went because of something that happened to me before hand. So I was going to go to a community college but I got offered two jobs. I took both of them and I have been working both of every sense I have been back. I just stop working at my other job because I was extremely unhappy there. My friends look at me different because I'm not in college. I want to be something more then this spec on this earth. I have lost myself worth over the past 3 years. Don't get me wrong, I want to be alive. I just don't care what happens to me anymore. I'm so scared of failing at everyhting. I feel like I have let myself done, my family and my friends down. I feel like the biggest disappointment ever. It might sound so stupid but I know people look at me different because of it. I want to help people but thats all I know. I'm scared to take the next step because I don't know where that leads. I just wish I knew what to do. I wish someone would just lend a hand and say "I see your struggling and I know your scared but we'll do this together, if you let me." I'm sick of doing this alone and actting like everything is okay because its not aloud to show your feelings. I'm sick of the lonely path that I have been on. The things that I feel but don't let know. I'm sick of being scared,alone and feeling worthless.

Sorry just needed to get this out.

You are not a failure, not worthless and not alone in not really knowing what you truly want to do in life.

Everyone in my family went to college because it was "expected" of us. At that time, pretty much anyone who wanted to go could go. I struggled the whole way through, changed my major multiple times and 30 years later even though I have a job that pays my bills, I still don't know what I want "to be when I grow up". I still wish I had been allowed to take some time off and explore the world and get to know where my dreams in life could have taken me...

Shortly before my grandpa died (he was Prof at the college!) he told me that not everyone should go to college! What an eye-opener for me! I couldn't even believe that he said that! Especially at a time when I felt like a failure because none of my children had the grades and high test scores to get into college.

Please don't allow others to judge you. We all have special skills that can take us on to a wonderful life. We don't and won't follow the same paths to get there. We all own the right to determine the path that works best for us. Hard to accept and believe when we are very young - but as I've learned over the years, I now know that this is true.

If it helps in any way... One of my children finished community college, took a few courses at the University, but will be graduating from a technical school next semester. (He will be 27 this summer). I am so excited for him because he ignored the family and friend expectations that had been so ingrained and chose a career path that will use his innate skills and make him happy!

Think about what you want and where you want to go. Make the decisions that take you to what you want in life.

I wish you the very best!

To me those friends of yours who look at you different just because you're not in college cannot be called friends. You shouldn't be friends with someone who doesn't accept you as you really are. There are millions of people out there who didn't go to college but who still have a life and who are still happy. Are you sure going to college is what would make you happy? You shouldn't do something just because someone else thinks it is the right thing to do...you're the most important person to yourself and the first one you shold listen to. I know it is hard to figure out what exactly would make you happy but if you find the things that wouldn't make you happy then that's a good start.

I see your struggling and I know your scared but we'll do this together, if you let us. You'll get loads of good advice and support here. Let me add mine.

I went to college and also had a lousy advisor; shockingly so. I didn't know enough to know I probably could have complained. The program I wanted to study seemed to have one focus which wasn't my primary interest. I floundered and dropped out. I worked and also felt a failure because I hadn't finished school. This was all pre-internet.

Now, though, you can do a lot of investigating of career fields, schools, specific programs of study, just by looking around online. You can also get books at the public library that will give you information about careers: the education required, whether it is a growing field, salary ranges, etc. You can take aptitude tests, and you can sort of 'test drive' various fields by volunteering. Many company and organization websites list volunteer opportunities, if they have them.

Let's say you want to be helpful. That might seem broad but not everyone wants to be helpful, so you are ahead of the game knowing you do. Next you would think about how: Do you want to be a brain surgeon, school crossing guard, nurse's aide, activities director for a cruise ship, school teacher?

Maybe you are good with your hands: Manicurist, mechanic, plumber, brain surgeon.

Maybe you like physical activity: dancer, tennis instructor, construction worker, installation specialist, day care worker.

I think if you can list the things that interest you; what your natural gifts are (friends and family can help point these out), and then do a little exploring on the internet and by talking to people who like their work, you will get a clearer picture of your direction.

I would tell you, too, that many years after my initial floundering, I went back to school (a different school, with caring advisors and teachers), graduated and have worked in my field for 20 years. As I enter the last quarter of my working life, I am convinced that all honest work has value and the person you need to satisfy when it comes to choosing educational and working paths is you. You can succeed; you already have by being employed; decide your other goals and go for them. You're worth the effort.

Thanks for everybody that has commented. It means alot because out of compete honsety I didn't think anybody would. I know I should consider them as friends but at the sametime I don't got many friends. I don't have chances to meat new people. So that a whole different story right there but anyways I've gotten rid of the bad friends. I'm trying to figure out if my friends now are friends or are there brains being consumed by thinking they are so cool because they are in sorority houses or what.

Ice cream kid-I will have start thinking more about what I'm good at. Thanks for sharing your story about college too. I know I could have gotten my advisor in trouble but everytime I tried to talk to someone else about they blew me off like the four of july. So I gave up and left.

Caretaker Leo- Thanks I know not everyone is suppost to be in college and yeah I might not mean't to be but I want to be. I just don't want to go threw the crap I went threw before hand and I don't want to go to college without knowing. Congrats to your son for graduating. I don't think it matters if you go threw a trade school or a college any extra education will always help you in the long run.

Thanks again!!!