[voidray]

When I am alone at a restaurant, people stare me down and stare me out and servers almost pay no attention and servers are rude towards me -- I think it's because they know they will get less tip. But I have to go to somewhere to eat something. I do not want to go to a fast-food such as subway sandwiches or McDonald or stuff like that. I feel really uncomfortable at any restaurant. I have LITERALLY no friend who can come with me, keep company with me to a restaurant.

It sounds like I dwell on what people think of me, right? If so, how can I overcome this?

OR,

Going to a restaurant alone is really weird?

Thank you for answers.

I don't think it is weird. I do that a lot. I like the being alone part though. Do you ever take a book or magazine to read?

[Nams]

I'm with roseleigh7 I don't think its weird at all. I have done that to try to get over my social anxiety. When I do go I sit where I can see a TV and just focus on that when I feel that people might be staring at me. I go to steakhouses if I go anywhere as they have the tv's & you can write on the table cloths lolol they might think its weird but I find it relaxing to draw stupid little faces and images. One time I even made the server giggle by drawing her a picture "starring" this one table that was particularly stressful for her, I drew pics of little stick children tearing the restaurant apart and a disheveled server pulling their hair out while the parents ignored it all lol. As for the tip I used to find as a waitress that genuine thank you's, good manners and honest appreciation was nice enough in itself because even the best tippers can be rude people and make a shift difficult. It does take a lot of courage to go to somewhere alone but it is so worth it when you walk away knowing I did it and I enjoyed my own company.

Huge Hugz
Nams

nope. i eat out alone all the time...if i don't feel comfortable i let them know & if it isn;'t resolved i write them after wards & then let my friends know. i vacation alone & figure if i wait for someone to go with me i will die starving!

bring a magazine, newpaper, see if they have a tv, sit in the bar as there is usually a tv there..

honestly it rarely bothers me...i'm not usually there to search for company..i am there for food.

[LiteraryLark]

What I like to do is bring a book with me or homework, that way I can order my tea and focus on what's in front of me rather than worrying what people think (because I know how you feel). It also gives me a chance to relax and take my time. I wouldn't give them an extra tip if they're rude, unless you are taking a very long time. Just smile and be happy and they should be happy back. I've never had any experience with rude waiters, perhaps try a different restaurant.

[Mordecaii]

I personally think it's sad when people eat alone at a restaurant . or even at home.. i make food. take it to my room sit and stare at the wall and eat in silence.. its sad to me. i just wanna go talk to the people eating alone when i see them.

[Fresia]

It's weird to me to thinking eating out alone is weird. There are so many reasons people dine alone: some out of necessity, some due to a no show, some out of preference (amazingly enough), or even somewhere in between. You never know, so to feel sorry for them, they may have purposely chosen it. I know there are times I am not in the mood for conversation, but do want to try something new and yet will go out for the ambiance as well. It can be really enjoyable. I too will take something(s) to read depending on what in the mood for or crosswords/sudoku. No matter, it can be enjoyable to eat alone, making it time for yourself to enjoy a nice meal out.

[SoupDragon]

I think it is great that you can do this - what does it say about people that can't I wonder?

[splitimage]

I eat out alone frequently, and when I was travelling on business sometimes I'd be away from home for up to 6 weeks at a time, so I ate out alone all the time.

Most restaurants are used to single diners now - even nicer restaurants, so if I get rude service I complain.

I usually take a book with me, especially if it's to a more diner or family style restaurant. But If I'm going to a Fine Dinning restaurant, I don't usually bother with a book, because I want to focus on the food.

I also have a single ticket series subscription to the major musical theater prodductions in town - none of my friends want to go, it's not their thing, but I go to the Sun. matiness and then usually go out to an early dinner in the theatre district afterwards. It's a fun excuse to try out new trendy restaurants, when they're not as busy, and I've discovered a lot of great restaurants that way.

splitimage

[gma45]

Thanks for this thread another that has got me thinking today. I admire you splitimage for having theater ticket for one. I was always under the assumption that I could not do something like that and that if my friends did not come along or like it it was not to be liked, now that I look at that thinking it is stupid on my part.Freisa eating out alone to me is not weird, it is something that i haven't done much of though and think I need to start. I like the idea of alone time at a restaurant. I all ways thought that with alone time I had to be all alone period! Boy has my thinking been a mess. I suppose it has to do with self esteem. Dr Skipper, you are right on, voidray needs to try a different restaurant.

like i said..i vacation alone...go camping, hike, visit museums, zoo's etc. dine out frequently, go places, shop etc.

sad? nope.

sad would be not doing things because i would opt for waiting for someone to go with me & missing out on life because of it.

i can & will go with friends if i opt too...but honestly doing things on my own allows me the freedom to explore as i see fit...i can visit with people, wander, chat, etc. i have no schedule to adhere to except the one i made.

it saddens me that you feel it is a pitiful existence..i hope you find the confidence in your self to enjoy life & to be confident & comfortable.

Eat alone all the time ... Every Thursday I treat myself to the most wonderfully delicious lunch at my favorite little Italian restaurant over in town ... Never made to feel less important than any other patron there ...

*******

As far as other restaurants go ... If a host or hostess asks if I'll be dining alone, I simply state that I will be joined by my Multiple Personalities today ... Often that gets us both giggling and breaks the discomfort of dealing with a "single" patron ...

And, I will not be put off in the back somewhere as if I'm a problem that needs to be hidden or solved ... I'll walk out and go to another restaurant who appreciates the value of a customer be they a party of one or a party of one hundred ...

Go on out there and treat yourself to the finest dining experience you'd give to someone else but not yourself ... You deserve to impress yourself too ... And you may come to find that you like having a nice date with yourself every now and then ...

[lizardlady]

Originally Posted by voidray

When I am alone at a restaurant, people stare me down and stare me out and servers almost pay no attention and servers are rude towards me -- I think it's because they know they will get less tip. But I have to go to somewhere to eat something. I do not want to go to a fast-food such as subway sandwiches or McDonald or stuff like that. I feel really uncomfortable at any restaurant. I have LITERALLY no friend who can come with me, keep company with me to a restaurant.

It sounds like I dwell on what people think of me, right? If so, how can I overcome this?

OR,

Going to a restaurant alone is really weird?

Thank you for answers.

Voidray, I don't think it's weird to eat out alone. However, it's not unusual for others to look at a person eating out alone as odd. Personally, I've decided that's their problem, not mine. Like others mentioned, I take a book to enjoy while I eat. I enjoy the quiet time.

[lizardlady]

Originally Posted by stumpy

like i said..i vacation alone...go camping, hike, visit museums, zoo's etc. dine out frequently, go places, shop etc.

sad? nope.

sad would be not doing things because i would opt for waiting for someone to go with me & missing out on life because of it.

i can & will go with friends if i opt too...but honestly doing things on my own allows me the freedom to explore as i see fit...i can visit with people, wander, chat, etc. i have no schedule to adhere to except the one i made.

it saddens me that you feel it is a pitiful existence..i hope you find the confidence in your self to enjoy life & to be confident & comfortable.

Stumpy, thanks for saying this. I used to enjoy traveling with my Mom. I stopped after she died because I didn't want to go alone. You've given me a different perspective on traveling alone.

[roads]

Nope, voidray, I'm voting for "not" as well.

By the time I was 20, I'd begun to add up the time I spent waiting for others either to decide whether they wanted to go with me or to show up so we could leave. Soon I began opting to just go. I'm not the sort who needs company--to eat, travel, work--& no, not for sex either.

I enjoy quality company, but lacking that I'm quite capable of going to the movies, cruising the Greek isles, or eating at a local tapas restaurant with myself for company & a book in my hip pocket.

Even if you're really most comfortable settled into a longterm relationship, voidray, it's still excellent to be comfortable with your own company so that being on your own--by choice or because of some set of circumstances--doesn't present any problems. Flexibility is always a good "tool" to have in your mental toolbox, so being able to get thru a meal all on your own really says a lot for you.

[Rosie23]

I go out to eat alone and I take my book with me. I don't recall a waitress not giving me service though.

It was hard for me to get used to it. Once I reminded myself that I have never looked twice at other people eating alone, I decided being uncomfortable was my issue and I ignored it after that.

[Travelinglady]

I, too, have eaten alone. I just try to ignore any "just one?" type issues. It's definitely not weird!

I eat out alone, I do lots of stuff alone. I am on disability and my kids are at school during the day so I have plenty of free alone time to use up, while everyone else is it at work. I did use to feel self conscious about it tho, but it was because I didn't have experience.

I pray that I may be able to go on vacation alone. Please someone send me to a spa for the weekend, or to a yoga retreat. Got my bags packed ready to go.

[Beholden]

From your post, I think you already know Why you feel uncomfortable eatting alone. You said:

It sounds like I dwell on what people think of me, right? If so, how can I overcome this?

So how do you stop dwelling on what others think of you? Focus on something else, like how good the food is. Or how brave you are to eat alone. It isn't weird to feel that way, I get it. I used to think it was wiered, until I did it a few times.

I have learned to not worry (anxiety) about what others think. I've had to get over it if I was going to get on with my life. It is all about what you think about yourself. But you are worth it, you can do it, rethink the situation.

I enjoy going to eat alone now. I get to do 'People watching' and don't worry if others are watching me. They are probably wishing they could have some peace and quiet away from the hub bub of everyday life-having to have a meal with the person they are with!!!!! When I go shopping, also alone a lot of the time, I take a rest in the food court. I sit where I can watch the other mall walkers, shoppers, teen agers acting silly, mall workers rushing to get a quick lunch, the divas, the free fashion show of those who really dress up to go to the mall....so many different people.

One thing you might try the next time you choose to go eat alone is to try to remember a person who catches your attention and image that person as a character in a movie or a book. While you eat, write a good description about that person or group of people, and what you think they do in life, if they have a dog or cat, where they live based on how they look.

Use distractions like that rather than feeling self-consious about being alone. You are worthy of going to a restaurant and feeling comfortable in your own skin. You just don't believe it. As for the 'negative thinking' you have created in your head about the waitress and the tip thing. If they are good at their jobs, give them a nice tip. If they really are rude to you, it's them, not you. They don't deserve a tip. Changing your thinking is something that you can do. You can't make them less rude.

Im a very independent person, most of the time i don't give a crap what strangers think of me (its usually the people who know me that suffer the most!) so i have no problem dining alone, or going for day trips etc alone. I actually quite enjoy it - it means i have to focus on what im doing and learn to 'stay' in the present (i have a disorder which means i have the tendency to drift between my perceptions of past, present and future at the drop of a hat) and focus my attentions on what im doing. I find sometimes that when your in someone elses company its easier to loose concentration and if im not in the right company i get really agitated and end up bickering with who im with anyway lol If people stare or start talking i simply smile or if their being particularly rude i ask them directly if theres a problem and that usually puts an end to matters. It doesn't necessarily make me feel less self conscious but by the time my foods arrived im usually to busy scoffing to notice! i guess just try and engross yourself as much as possible in what your doing and if that doesn't help well then i guess you could always ask to be seated somewhere more private or go at times when the restaurant is less busy. Good luck.

[Inedible]

Most of the time I just order food to go - call ahead, for pickup - and tip on my order as if I were planning to eat the food there. They got used to seeing me show up by myself and they know I tip, so if I do get something for there it is fine even though I show up alone.

[beauflow]

yeah.. I can say honestly- I don't like to eat alone, and especially out in a restaurant or what not..

I remember one time- I tried to take a book, and do that jive but nope- still felt so awkward!

I don't go out much, and yeah I have my boyfriend, but we both are a little anti-social so home is where most of the meals are

I prefer to eat with some one I like- I would rather eat a lone if the choice was eat with some one I don't know or don't like or eat a lone..

Eating is a weird thing with me to begin with I guess.. I don;t like to eat infront of people that I don;t know well.... and I have trouble eating with a family setting.
I find eating with my boyfriend some how a connection-- I GUESS that is because food and me it has been a comfort for years... just odd..

but eating alone out side of home, no likely- BUT I don't think it is Weird-- I think it is a personal choice, and decision..

[voidray]

Originally Posted by beauflow

I don't go out much, and yeah I have my boyfriend, but we both are a little anti-social so home is where most of the meals are

anti social or asocial?

[Swann]

I dislike eating alone and avoid it. It's because to me, eating is a social thing to enjoy with friends. having friends alone means less anxiety for me, and with them at the table means I'm less likely to feel stared at by strangers.

[Elana05]

Hi voidray,

I enjoy going out to a restaurant alone but also find it awkward at times. Growing up as an only-child, I learned to enjoy my own company. I have some fond memories of doing things by myself, museums, shopping, long driving trips etc. Sometimes eating alone feels calming and reflective and sometimes it feels lonely. Sometimes I also feel as though everyone is looking at me. These days what I try to keep in mind is that 99% of the time people are thinking about themselves! While I am wondering what that "lady over there is thinking about me," she is probably wondering the same thing. But to answer your question as to whether eating alone seems odd, I really don't think so. People are eating by themselves all over this great nation. The person at the diner, the person on a business trip, the person who just wants to sit and enjoy their dinner over a newspaper or magazine etc.