Checking in ( How do you feel today)?

feeling okay today

Okay.....

Relaxing...stayed in bed to read for a couple of hours. Just got up at 10 am for breakfast.

I was late getting up too. I had scrambled eggs with peppers and onions and sesame Ezekiel toast with a little butter. I'm hoping that starting the day with a different breakfast will make a difference in what I get done. I should get out and get moving on my day.

Very, very tired, but determined.

Abdomenal pain, but not enough symptoms for diagnosis of anything in particular. Doc said put heating pads to the tummy and if it gets worse, go to family doc or return to emerg. A wasted $20 in cab fare.

Having a rough day. Think I'm overwhelmed after first week of school, very tired and grumpy with family too.

Really crappy until I came to work. Now I'm in a better mood. My girlfriend and I were fighting again, today. Which sucks, but hopefully tomorrow will be better..

off and on. sometimes my friend does not understand that if I talk directly to her, it is better than complaining to others. She calls it complaining, I call it reality check or clarifying. Then, it escalates into who is the crazy one. i don't answer, then more negativity. Her friend, at least, convinces her to be reasonable then she is more approachable.

paralyzed, scared and sleepy.

SS are you ok? Do you need help? xx

Today went pretty good. I finally got some outdoor work done and my eating wasn't out of control today.

I'm OK physically, I'm afraid the forced hospitalization has set off trauma memories, and dissociation the whole no one listening, being helpless while I was there, the platitudes that were lies and no validation of my needs, and the outright denial of me as a person.

I thought I was OK. It would have helped if I could have seen my T but my car is still not working I cannot afford to get it fixed until next month and I could not make any arrangements for rides to my T's appointments until next week. I still haven't been able to work out anything for my pain doctor's appointment. I haven't left my apartment since I got back last Sunday and that probably has not helped.

I just remembered I was supposed to have a webenair yesterday-as I have no idea where yesterday went I don't know if that happened. My last email was to request the ID number for the captioning during the meeting. I saw nothing on the computer today and Cara is good at getting back whether or no she has the answer. My fear now is that I did the webinar for my council but have no memory of it. I hate it when that happens.

((((SS)))) here and sending hugs. I am sorry you are experiencing troubling memories and thoughts...please be kind and gentle with yourself and do whatever it takes for peace and comfort. You are safe now.
Hugs to you, R

Trying a few options. Hot bath helped while I was in the bath. Deep heating rub helped a little, and some anti-gas strips took away some bloating. Still feeling the pain. On a positive note..it hasn't worsened. It's just there.

anxious.

i just emailed samaritans, and i'm dreading their response.

so much so i wish i could have never sent the message

Today has gotten off to a bad start. I hate my life so much. A cream bought yesterday to apply to a problem skin area made the problem worse. (I spoke with the pharmacist about it and she recommended the product.) I will make an MD appointment this week for an antibiotic prescription. (No, it's not an infection. It's a fungus.) Today the fungus was bleeding. External treatments won't work. I told my MD about it a year ago and he did nothing. Maybe time to change doctors? The fungus infection really inhibits my sex life and makes me miserable.

Also, made a mistake due to my dyslexia. Slipped my mail under my neighbor's door instead of their's that was delivered to me by accident. My new eyeglasses will be ready this week so that I can double check what I'm doing instead of trying to work from memory.

Nothing goes right for me despite my best efforts. I must be cursed. I truly believe that I am at this point.

((((shattered sanity))))

The Samaritans phone nos in the USA are:

helplines

877 870 4673 statewide toll free
800 252 8336 samariteens
617 247 0220 24 hour help lines

Better start than yesterday! I am hopeful for a relaxing and productive Sunday! Plus I have my NAMI support group tonight, wihcih I am looking forward to!

Coughing all night and my throat is scratchy. I'm staying home today I think. I almost never get sick so I can't complain I guess.

Not good, irritated and want to run away from these people.

another sleep interrupted night awake for 2hrs in middle of the night

A bit better....pain is not as bad as yesterday.

Meh........

Feeling like a failure. Which is not unusual from the past few days. Ever since I cut last Tuesday, I've felt so... Inhuman. I'm just sick of being this person that fails at everything and can't even produce empathy enough to see things from other peoples point of view. I'm tired of trying so hard to do this human crap and still failing every time. Kind of makes me want to be alone. But I won't face the guilt of having to leave my girlfriend, though. I just don't know what to do any more...