Daily Comments #6- Just place to plant your thoughts. No feedback required.

The wind is howling, jangling the cheap chimes that remained on my porch when the metal-scrappers took off with the beautiful ones (the town had a rash of metal thefts, including lengths of chain link fences as the economy was declining)-- I know there are warmer places in the house but I feel bonded to my corner of this couch. The wind bothers, even frightens me today. Ah well, I will be at work i a few hours. There is too much to do, I won't think about that today.

I'm glad I'm here with you guys.

I feel guilty for being an out of control burden last night. BF is being kind this morning, but I can tell he was irritated and tired with it. How can I blame him when I am tired of myself? I guess all I can do is go forward and try to do better by him today...

I hate official holidays (4-day weekends here in Canada). They ALWAYS come at the worst times for me (yes, stores are closed for the most part and there are few services). Deeply inconvenient, and so last-century.

It's okay of no one agrees with me on this. I'm just whining. It's a big trigger for me not to be able to get what I need for a few days on end, especially in Winter. (((whine, whine.))) Also because time is at a premium this week, and I have only so much energy to go around. I hate being caught short.

I think you must have at least one hand free to post this.

A hot bath sounds very nice as I hear the icy winds blowing outside.

I think I might be lactose intolerant…which explains a lot

Nicks, that is absolutely adorable. Many thanks for my first smile of the day.

For once, it's warmer here than it is in Ottawa.

Light snow is falling and it's shimmering as the low-angled sun reflects upon it. My production levels are going to be nil today because I'm going to be watching the snow.

Sometimes I don't think that's such a bad thing...

Three day weekend from program has been hard on me. Today I am going to try to use the skills I am learning to try to find some stability again. And I will remember that tomorrow I go back and will have the support I need.

I've already had 3 cups of coffee so i guess another one woudn't hurt

Sometimes

I'm sorry for your pain, I also have a bad back and know how painful it can be just to even move around or get out of bed in the morning, I have to leave my hydrocodone next to my bed in the morning, sometimes I feel like i will be paralazied, then i take the pill and give it 1/2 hour to work before I can even move

I just noticed I had 666 posts.... but now I don't, so whew!

The cold rain turned right to snow, so no ice pellets whatever that was supposed to be. May be a big snowstorm coming on Thursday. Mom has a doctors appointment that was rescheduled from the icy weather. I hope we can make it this time. I don't think we get to see the sun all this week.

GOT TO stay upbeat, I can get it all done. GOT TO stay upbeat.

so liek this sucks,,,,this sucks rotten stinky foo foo eggs.....dont have hardly any beads with us toworkon.............so friggin BORED over hear adn uncomfortabel this is NOT our house and beads freind adn her husband be argueign to maek it worse..................arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
mary sue

Have physiotherapy for my wrist today. Looking forward to seeing the absolutely stunning amount of progress I've made for regaining my range of motion (read: I haven't done my exercises).

Volunteering at an ice concert tonight. Seriously...the dude carves his instruments out of ice and plays them.

Still feeling terrible...about things? Myself? I don't know. Just terrible.

I'd like to order up a week full of Fridays.

It's obvious to me that older folks are easier to be around and relate to than those closer to my age. Whenever I make a thread or talk about social issues, I am told the same nonsense about clubs, body language, confidence, etc., and it is nonsense as far as I am concerned, but maybe that's because I am more willing to challenge social norms than others are. If I am not comfortable with the 'status quo' than I will fight it. I'm kind of rebellious that way I suppose.

Although few of those my own age like me, I have no issue socializing with those in their 50s and 60s, and that's why most of my 'friends' are in their 50s and 60s.

I am told on PC that confidence and body language are attractive, but that is only ever an issue when around those my own age, not those that are older. None of the older folks I chill with could care less about conformity, confidence, body language, etc.

When I have attempted to socialize with my peers, I have been rejected for my interests, hobbies, mental health issues, lack of social skills, any number of things. Seriously, I have been rejected because of what books interest me! What am I suppose to do about that? Start reading more Twilight and Harry Potter to conform to the accepted standards of literature?

But I never have this issue with my older friends. Many of them know I have issues with SI, suicide, Asperger's, etc., and they are able to accept that about me and still respect me. If a 20 year old found out I have had issues with SI, that would be the end of it, but I don't have that issue with older individuals.

It makes me think who is really more insecure: someone like me that struggles with self-esteem, disabilities, and SI, or those that can't accept differences in how others are?

How can you stay determined to do something extremely difficult when you have no self-confidence or self-esteem at all?

I wish I made more money. I hate running out of money b4 the end of the month.

An answer for Maranara:

(Taking a tea break, here)

My thinking is that, at the very least, I can say I did it. It doesn't matter if no one else ever knows. It's going to get done, I'm going to do it---and it's going to be a lift, even if only a small one.

That beats feeling bad, anyday.

Even if I only accomplish part of what I need to do---even if there's more to do, tomorrow---isn't that a positive? I didn't let negative thinking get in my way. No one can take that from me.

And, in my case, I get to feel, if only for a little while, the way I used to feel when I WAS a superwoman, full of nothing but energy and ideas.

That's how I approach doing things that are daunting.

Hugs, and a wish for success!

Maranara: I give in to them all to often, too. Every so often, though, I just get fed up with them and tell myself to stop letting the negative thoughts win.