when somebody disagrees with me, I just want to shut them up. like i don't even want to have a conversation with them because only those who agree with me can keep the conversation going. i feel like i have my views and so do others. but i want to be respectful to people yet it's hard sometimes because i wish people can just conform to my views, which i know, is probably not going to happen and i understand. but when i want to have a conversation where people and I can disagree without having to cut off communication, i can't seem to do it. i like to have it my way.

[Travelinglady]

Well, of course we want everyone to agree with us. It's good you are aware of your desire to tune out the folks who don't want to go along with you. However, sometimes we can learn from other people, so it's good if we can listen. And if someone disagrees with us, it doesn't necessarily mean the person doesn't like us.

That said, there are some things I believe that other people can't talk me out of, so I feel like I should just drop out of the conversation. The thing is to try to be nice about it.

[Maven]

I often feel frustrated when people disagree with me or don't "get" my point of view (even if they don't agree with it). It's more about them not seeing my side, as opposed to having an alternate opinion. Just see that my side makes sense, even if it's not how you view the world.

And I just want to add, I see you're under the weather, PAYNE1. *Hugs!*

[beauflow]

Originally Posted by heyitsme7

when somebody disagrees with me, I just want to shut them up. like i don't even want to have a conversation with them because only those who agree with me can keep the conversation going. i feel like i have my views and so do others. but i want to be respectful to people yet it's hard sometimes because i wish people can just conform to my views, which i know, is probably not going to happen and i understand. but when i want to have a conversation where people and I can disagree without having to cut off communication, i can't seem to do it. i like to have it my way.

That bolded part there ---
Flip it around as if someone trying to conform you To THEIR Views....

Not a nice feeling, and no it probably will not happen.

This is a broad topic.

I agree with Payne1 that we can learn from others with talking to them, taking in their point of views, and discussing topics to which we may have a strong opinion about.

However, just with me- Personally - I do believe that people that are unable to be open minded, see things from other views, and do not just to think a little on some things-- this can be quite difficult to talk to others.
*Or If you are talking with a person that "Always has to win"... yeah, that gets no where fast.

Open discussions on things I have only found a few people in real life that I have been able to talk about of my own thoughts- and the stars know, some of those topics I would never bring to the table to any open public form/place because some of them are controversial and too many have "set their mind and wont even try for a second to think another way on it".

There are a lot of humans though, that think the way that I have bold of what HeyItsme has stated.

"My way of thinking is the right way of thinking. no one else, everyone else should conform"

Which In *some cases* can be very problematic.

Lest think back to Hitler.....

[Timgt5]

my personal opinion is that the world would be a very boring and miserable place if everyone thought the same way, do we really want the human race to resemble this:



or this


(Termite colony)

I enjoy talking to people who have a different viewpoint than myself. I like to periodically challange my own conclusions by talking to those who disagree with me. Much like exercise makes your body stronger, debate makes your mind work better.

Rather than running from all of the rich diversity that humanity offers, embrace and celebrate it instead.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by heyitsme7

when somebody disagrees with me, I just want to shut them up. like i don't even want to have a conversation with them because only those who agree with me can keep the conversation going. i feel like i have my views and so do others. but i want to be respectful to people yet it's hard sometimes because i wish people can just conform to my views, which i know, is probably not going to happen and i understand. but when i want to have a conversation where people and I can disagree without having to cut off communication, i can't seem to do it. i like to have it my way.

This is very good to know about yourself. You have a really good insight here.

Keeping it simple, for the point of example, if we only agreed 100% of the time, it would get pretty dull:

You: I like football.
Me: I like football, too.

Me: I think swimming is good exercise.
You: I think swimming is good exercise too.

You: I think people should always agree.
Me: I think people should always agree too.

Disagreeing isn't a judgment, although it can feel like that if that is how we think. Disagreeing is about separateness, about each person being unique and having a unique set of experiences that form their perceptions, thoughts, desires, expectations. There is so much to learn, and like you said, being respectful (and interested) is key:

Me: I like football.
You: I do, but I like basketball better. It's more active and fun to watch.
Me: You're right, it is more active. I haven't watched in awhile. I will have to watch again and see what I think.

You: I think swimming is good exercise.
Me: I like to swim, but I like being outdoors, so I like to walk for exercise. I get to see nature when I'm in the park and that feels good to me.
You: Gosh, I haven't taken a walk in a park in a long time. That's a good idea!

Me: I think people should always agree, or they shouldn't talk when they don't agree.
You: It is nice to have other people agree with me. It feels good. My viewpoint or my feelings feel more real, because they are validated by someone agreeing with me. It's fun to share a conversation with someone who shares my interests and views. But when it goes well, it's also fun to have opposing views and learn about the other person's view and why they think 'that' - often there is a common ground we come to when we talk about it.
Me: So, are you agreeing, or disagreeing with me, I can't tell.

We can learn that it's okay to disagree, we can also learn to state that openly that we don't want to discuss 'this' any. Sometimes we don't want others to disagree because we don't know how to deal with our own disagreement.

[Trippin2.0]

Now this ^^^ is a friggin Thank you!

[avlady]

Just because someone disagrees with another, doesn't always mean they don't like you either. They just don't agree with your point of view. You can even change another's point of view by adding details etc... about a certain subject, i think alot of people don't listen because they are afraid of change too, like maybe they would have to act in a different way if they do decide to agree with someone on a subject, so they don't listen on purpouse.

[winter4me]

Originally Posted by heyitsme7

when somebody disagrees with me, I just want to shut them up. like i don't even want to have a conversation with them because only those who agree with me can keep the conversation going. i feel like i have my views and so do others. but i want to be respectful to people yet it's hard sometimes because i wish people can just conform to my views, which i know, is probably not going to happen and i understand. but when i want to have a conversation where people and I can disagree without having to cut off communication, i can't seem to do it. i like to have it my way.

It sounds as though thoughts or feelings that do not support your own are threatening. This is not unusual. It is a great problem with the human race, fear of what we do not understand. It takes strength to truly debate, to learn, and to grow, so that we may approach a strange person or idea with a willingness to Hear, and respond instead of react---it doesn't mean you have to choose one road or the other---I know that I am having real trouble/depression and severe anxiety when I am less able to listen---those times I just want to be soothed by the same old same old, not that that works for any length of time. This posting shows some insight, that is a really positive thing.

[IowaFarmGal]

I find it very threatening when people try to convince me or debate with me. I dislike being trapped and backed into corners physically or mentally. Maybe I'm hearing the contempt my oldest brother always heaped on me for things I didn't know when I was little and he was far ahead in school. I think it made him feel smart to do that. Our parents were very critical and sarcastic too. Hard to continue the conversation when it makes me very anxious and wanting to get away.

[cool09]

Do you feel any difference between conversation at work and in your personal life? That's a huge contrast, imo. Work is based on hierarchy and you have to really watch what you say, do and laugh at and your personal life is almost the opposite - you're expected to have an opinion and laugh. And of course, adding a mental disorder/illness into that just throws a huge monkey wrench into the whole equation.

[eggsinfinitum]

I know what you mean- I am like that, or used to be, still am a little. I think for me when I came up against someone who was a conversational brick wall, or who couldn't see my side, I felt powerless to get my thoughts and opinions out clearly, because I didn't have enough verbal/social skills, and mostly, I felt that I was not important enough to persist, and that made me angry, and I thought I was angry at the other person, but deep inside I was angry at myself. Hope this makes sense, it took me quite a while to figure this one out. I really like the responses here, very enlightened, helpful info.

[Pikku Myy]

..... I agree to disagree with them....?????