Daily Comments #7- Just place to plant your thoughts. No feedback required.

really tired mentally and physically. think i shall take a break from PC. it feels so bad to just post and not care about others..

the pain is getting stronger and i just want to isolate myself.

It feels so good to just have a day off. Nothing going on. Just hanging around online, hanging out with my sweetie, nowhere to go, nothing to do.

I am looking forward to a few days to myself. It's been just nutty, lately. I need a breather.

hilary duff's song is killing me. fly... open up the part of you that wants to hide away....and you can shine... and the most depressing part is when she sings any moment everything can change... feel the wind on your shoulder... let go of yesterday... it's so depressing. gosh, i'm going to miss high school when it ends.

i used to be like omigosh that's so mean to anyone who would make an offensive remark. I need to stop now. Just let it go...

i'm kinda left out because everyone else is getting all the hugs and i'm not.

I wish there was more stuff that I can remember so that I can dispel some of those negativity. Let me try to recall the day I was bullied... the very first day...Actually, you know what, let's go back to kindergarten, when I was accused of stealing crayons....Nah, let's turn the clock back to the day when I got in trouble with the others. Basically this one guy ratted us all out for running toward something that we shouldn't have. Then our educator came and she asked who did it. Some guy, who just so happened to have the same last name as me, decided to tell on us. She then had us locked out of the classroom in the garden.. you know, the kindergarten department was filled with classes where tables were used for coloring and the front rugs for paying attention to our alphabets and everything and then the room leads to outside where the playground and gardens are. We were out there for a while and then I think i got scared, I don't remember exactly how it had happened, but then later I was able to get out of it. I think I was ready to cry because I was so terrified that I could not get home. Luckily, the school wasn't so far away from our home.

I've always had an overbite ever since I was a child and my teeth are kind of crooked you see. One guy once called me bugtooth and i would tell him to shut up and i would try to push him and everything.
let's see..what else is there to remember? Fast forward...
In middle school, this one guy who got transferred to our class second semester called me deformed and spread a rumor that I was underfed and everything.
There was this fat guy, not to be mean or anything, who told me that he hated skinny guys and he tried to shove me in front of people. I shoved him back and then our teacher came out and yelled at me instead. Wow, see how unjust it is. Because of my ethnicity, I was in trouble. There was so much discrimination in middle school and because I was a minority I was not treated well. Now that I live in a majority-minority neighborhood, it isnt as bad.
speaking of fat-so right there, i just don't like this guy, that's all, nothing against heavy people, but he was annoying. he even told me to change my name and i was like why should I? and then he just blathered on about how i should change my name. He probably thought my name was not befitting of me because it simply did not fit my personality.

Why do people avoid questions? I try to show interest and concern, but I get nothing in return. When I don't show it, people get mad at me. When is it appropriate to show concern? What does it mean when people don't answer?

Why should I even bother?

well i'm not paralyzed but I seem to be struck by you. finger eleven..
has anyone ever heard this song? this song is the worst song ever because you hear it now and then. It's so annoying. I did enjoy listening to it but now I don't.
These songs are kind of loud and do not have any happy connotations.

I don't like to be told that I am not beautiful. I don't want to be told that I'm dumb. I don't want to be told anything negative. Of course, you can't control people's mouths, but they should at least know what you've been through so that they would not be running their mouths like that. Yeah this is ancient history but unfortunately I still can't get rid of this thought.
there are certain thought patterns that seem imperishable. for instance, there are sometimes moments when you feel like thinking about something and you get right to it. You try to think about it and it's there. If you don't try to think about it, it's not.
Wonder why i can't try to think about something and hope it isn't there.

How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but the lightbulb has to want to change.

You know, some days I just wish I had never bothered to get married.
Granted, I would not have this amazing daughter that I now have, so whatever hell my ex wants to put me thru is worth every moment I spend with my kid.
But the more I work my 12/12 and read and study....the more I realize I was never the right one for her; I cannot recall but ONE time I made a decision that she went along with until she questioned it from every angle. And that ONE decision was the biggest mistake I EVER made.
Go figure.

Hmmm, I dunno about this.

Here I sit. Just after 7 on a Monday morning. A busy week ahead of me. Sometimes I wonder why I do what I do. Surely there must be better ways to spend my time? Sometimes I feel like I'm caught in a rat race that has nothing to do with who I am as a person, or what I have to offer the world.

I'm feeling really sad today. One of my favorite aunts died yesterday. Today I'm plagued with guilt for not calling her enough. I'm really going to miss her.

i remember this one time when I was working with this kid and he just happened to not know what he was doing so he and i were talking and then all of a sudden i just told him you don't know anything and then we both started crying and after that we both apologized and laughed. strange.

This had most of the province of B.C. laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens
when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a
female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed
to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman
and asked:
'So Bobby, where's that 8 inches you
promised me last night?'

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew
did too they were laughing so hard!

When watching Antique's Roadshow I really believe we put our values on the wrong stuff. How is it a very rare piece of ancient culture that can never be recreated has far less monetary value than a small piece of jewelry that is less than 100 years old and can be reproduced.

Just, yeah.....

well for all these years i've been feeling self-hate. i would say inferior things about my culture, my people, my race, like they can't lead or really, how can they possibly be able to..? All because i've been mistreated by my race for the most part. I feel like I'm not a part of that, and I feel like I'm not acknowledged by my own kind.

I'm afraid Colonel Crusty has met his end. Cheers old man... you had a life!

i can make your heart beat short... i can give you what you want... these lyrics are just old..it was like from three years ago...wow can't believe things haven't been the same since then.
the years have flown by like... idk what.

If my life was ever reduced to looking forward to what's on tv tonight I'd jump. I honestly don't know how people can accept the banality.

Yeah even for a young person like me, I don't really watch that many modern shows. i think some of them are just not right for me. I like the black and whites better.