Daily Comments #7- Just place to plant your thoughts. No feedback required.

Okay I'm gonna cry. That was beautiful. You are a great dad Spirit.
I think sometimes too if I had only done something differently...but we do the best we can with what we know at the time.
I'm not going to hold grudges anymore. I just want my kids to be okay.
Now if only I could say something to lighten things up.
The sun is coming through. And tomorrow I won't have to type on a cellphone anymore. Its a pain

its not what I did that counts its how I made you feel

Christ, I'm bored out of my mind.
I don't even feel like posting this even.

Tumblr can be freaking dangerous. You look at a regular tumblr blog and it seems normal, and then the next thing you have some pretty horrifyingly triggering images on your dashboard. Thankfully, I'm not easily triggered to such behaviors in a settled state, or even in a bad state - but had I been particularly depressed or irritated when I saw it, it would have sounded off the self destruct button without hesitation. Yes, the pictures were *that* bad.

Please, "tumblrs", should any of you be reading this...BE CAREFUL WITH WHAT YOU POST. Out of respect for others as well as yourself. It's just not. cool.

I feel very sad today. The guy I dated awhile back contacted me last night and again this morning... which in some part explains my panic attack / "sense memory" the other night (he could have very well been here afterall and I sensed it somehow. God, I am weird that way).

He apologized for his past behaviour, has made improvements in his life and wanted me to know he loved me and wanted me to know he was there for me.

It broke my heart to turn him away. I feel really, really bad.

"Call me if you need me". Liar. Couldn't even be bothered to pick up the ****ing phone.

Having a "lonely" moment. One son working, the other gone to Texas. The apartment is very quiet at 2:30 am.

I'm kinda sleepy.

working thru my issues and doing pretty well with them. I just hate the time when whatever it is hits my brain, then the emotional swing, then observing the emotion, then verifying what is going on, then dealing with it or just letting it pass on by.
It's just exhausting sometimes.

got loads to do today, can't be bothered to do any of it cos i slept awfully last night and am in loads of pain, but my carer is due in soon and i know if i don't get up she will fiddle around wasting time doing nothing

Life would be easier if I was more adept at socializing. My 'apparent' shortcoming is even evident in my posts.

It is so much easier to discuss science themed topics than to ask another person how they are or create small talk. I now realize not very many people are interested in reading posts that have to do with theories of mental disorders so I will avoid this from now on.

I'm in a good mood. I hope everyone has a good day today. I send you love.

Today is going to be a productive day. I'm going to take my walk for an hour and a half.
The sun is going to shine!
warm thoughts

I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday. Well, it's been about a five-day breakdown. Just get so tired of where I'm at sometimes. It was also something of a breakthrough as well though, because I realized that I am still living my life more or less based on what other people think I should do, or what I think I should be doing based on messages I've internalized over the years. So...tired. Just fed up of pissing my life away based on things that aren't even important, or meaningful to me.
so...re-evaluating.

Went to get into the truck yesterday and split my jeans in a very inopportune place....

Where is the machine that washes and dries clothes why is there still two separate machines for this?

Why does springtime also equal sinus and allergy time?

Why is the Friday afternoon rush hour traffic so different from any other day....there is still traffic jams but they moved to different places?

Do they call french fries...french fries in France? What makes a fry so French?

I still don't understand people who stop at stop signs at 3 am where there is absolutely no traffic...just California roll it....sheesh....

There is a roomba little robot that vacumes floors where is the yarmbaa that cuts grass?

I have been a month with no meds and it's been ok...not great, not all that bad either. I do my best to use music to keep me upbeat. The weather usually does the rest. So today its kinda weird outside and so I am kinda weird inside.
I hate feeling like this but damn if I am gonna take pills just to level off. I mean the only thing I REALLY have to figure out is when my next serious manic attack is gonna be.
If my experience tells me anything, I have 19 years till my next one. I had a really bad one in 1992, then one last year in 2012. 2032 is next? I will be 66 years old then...what am I gonna do for my next "out of body" experience?
I guess what I really need to do is figure out how to enjoy my life so much that I am not stressed out the way I was leading up to the last 2 episodes.

On Woman's Day webpage I saw an article on the side titled "10 things not to say to your mother-in-law" and the first thing to pop into my mind was "Hello?"

I posted something last night, on a thread I had already made...grieving section....

i was thinking about it just now; wondering when did I start that thread, and yesterday i posted on it... a day off from a year ago i started the thread from my post last night.... i don't understand though, because his death was in July, not May.... why in may do i remember him well? in May we graduated years ago, had parties, maybe that is why I remember him so well, remembering good times spent rather than anniversary of a sad time. ??maybe?

It's official, i am an idiot

I just...don't know! Is that a thought? Life is weird. That's a thought.

There's an organization that does this? Do you have a membership card? Wonder if you get discounts at places.....hmmmm.....I'm interested...

Day three of the flu (the doc thinks). Terrible. Just want to sleep...

Sent from my BlackBerry using Tapatalk

I am thinking of making a zine. Just think it would be fun. Wanting to try some new stuff right now.

Long, long day worrying. Better now.