Daily Comments #7- Just place to plant your thoughts. No feedback required.

oh dear, its hard not to create some feedback in this thread, good lord, I will be checking in on you my friend, have thought about you these last few days.
As for me, its just another moment. I'll be honest, I have a headache, am not able to eat yet today, and I miss my son who will be having a birthday next week. He refuses to talk because my sis called the cops on him a few months ago, nothing he did, he just chose to alienate himself from my crazy family.
Sunshine, yes, its here and always helps.

Ugh. Thoughts. I have had some real humdingers lately. Mostly I am still dealing with the fallout of my failed marriage and a sassy little 7 year old who loves her parents but wants to know why we couldnt keep it together.
Aside from that, we are getting ready for a big yard sale and a big move for my ex and daughter to a totally new area near our daughters school.

I was hard set the other day on having a real crappy day. Woke up on the wrong side of the bed and everything, went into work and it was one of those kinds of things where you felt like you didn't care if you stayed in that mood and you kinda want to.....my co workers weren't having it...I couldn't stop laughing all day it turned out to be a great day....laughter is a contagious thing.. spread it like the plague

I feel I need to quote a friend of mine.

Go home, winter. You're drunk.

Apathetic..................................................+ + =

So where does a man go for redemption? How do you repair a broken heart?
How do you handle the guilt associated with the breakup of a marriage?
I thought I had all this figured out only to discover that I am so lost and alone with these questions that I simply dont know where to turn for the answers.

I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still around and I'm hanging in there. I haven't posted much anywhere but have been sticking to the BPD forum and PMing as of late. Reading too many threads has a negative effect on me. I'm always welcome to PM if anyone wants to, though, and I hope everyone is doing okay.

What happens on my 1000th post?

Just...kickin' around. Floating.

I am happy that I have this forum to post and read what others post.
I really dont know where I would be in the whole process if it were not for PC.
Thanks!

Still here. Hips are feeling better today. Sunshine has helped as well as coworkers. Hugs to everybody here. Thank you, everybody for the hugs and thoughts.

Why is it so hard to lose weight when I'm really trying? Ugh.

Today is a new low for me. H had a major blowup with screaming and swearing to the point I threatened to call the police. I felt unsafe. Now he said he never wants to talk to me again, which wouldn't be so bad except we live in this f'ing house. I've been waiting going on 8 yrs for him to get going with the separation because he decided to get another fricking wife and thought I'd take it. I even completed a 12 week re-traing course so it would help me find a job but I've no luck so far. He's threatened me with poverty and alienating the kids - he used this tactic of threats to keep me here in compliance for 8 long years. I've been through hell with this narcissistic maniac. Yes he's been diagnosed with this. I've been in a emotional and financial prison.

Today I wonder if I'll ever be free. When I was 18, he used to take my breath away because I like him so much and no he takes my breath away in fear. I truly hate him sometimes and I don't want to be a hateful person. I don't know why I'm suffering like this. I feel zero optimism right now.

Lynn, have you talked with Legal Aid? Legal Aid Ontario: Getting Legal Help

Don't fall for his lies/wishes; he can't alienate the kids; they have minds of their own. He cannot make you be something you are not and if the kids find out he tried (and they would eventually catch on, if they didn't realize it immediately, they're no more stupid than you are) they'll be all over disrespectful/hating him for it.

I sort of have my head in the sand about Mother's Day. The party is here and our boat's not ready yet (the prime attraction) and the weather looks okay for Sunday but has been changing back and forth for days now and I just don't feel like cleaning and preparing all that food for all those people and coordinating everything. Oh, well, guess I have a couple days yet to stress. I bought 10 ears of corn on the cob yesterday and now the party has been put off a day and there was mold/mildew in the silk and the leaves were turning brown, when I looked at them this morning; I threw them away and will start over on Saturday or maybe even Sunday morning; what a waste.

Thanks Perna - I called Legal Aid 2 yrs ago and put an application on hold. I told him about it and he flipped...took my computer away and was threatening to alienate me/the kids. He's always said he would make my life hell if I go the legal route. He's been stalling for 8 yrs always saying he doesn't have the money to support 2 dwellings and how living apart would be bad for the kids. I emailed my employment counselor and I'll make an appt to discuss these options. I'm feeling weak and scared.

Sorry about the corn - yes it doesn't last long ...better made the same day. I hope your party goes well and its nice of you to do this for your husbands family.

Pocket me for your employment counselor appointment. I hope she can help or has some good ideas and, this time don't tell him until you have your ducks in a row and his are still scattered :-) If he doesn't have enough for two equal households, looks like he'll be suffering doesn't it, while you and the kids are taken care of.

expletive attributive!!!
upper case!
just for fun!!

ahhh...now i feel better...an' i dint break no rules.

ah, cussedry...where would i be wifout your tranquilty inducing release???

fecked i imagine...

Oops!

Hmmm. I can feel all the cells in my body right now. And not in a scary way, as I sometimes have in the past. I'm just aware right now of how alive I am, how connected to every living thing.

I HATE MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ex is moving into a new house with our daughter.....no clue why she picked such a huge house for just her and our kid but she does whatever the hell she wants and that is that. I have no clue how she is gonna afford it either.....she is setting herself up for a frickin nightmare but you think she will hear of it from me? HA! I am the POS that caused all this so of course not .
If my kid were not involved I could give a care what she is doing.....but she has our daughter and that makes all the difference.

Glad to be home from work. Didn't take a break all shift. Feeling tired but glad it is payday. Meds and bills taken care of.

My mind is always in high gear. I think about things like time travel and the unified field theory, et al.

When I'm doing my hardest thinking my mother constantly interrupts me with useless babble. The gods must hate me to frustrate me this way. It only reinforces my belief that we are all possessed by evil and something feeds off our distress.

I ain't no foo'......jus' another traveller tryin' to get some good out of me time spent. Lessons learned? Immaterial...jus' don't put no-ones eye out an' try not to worry too much because there ain't no figurin'. Right?

Ari' n' Plato?...the laddios before 'em?...and right up to the newest flavours?...Hey, ain't gonna be no graduation or cap to toss skyward...we learns til we drops...be that by time or circumstance. No ultimate solutions for anyone...so feck it...don't look so hard...just follow the road and keep at least one foot out of the muck when ya can.

Philosophy??? Me arse, philosophy!...Fuh that arithmetic...I'll get by countin' on my fingers and enjoying decent pizza sunsets riding motors and...well...there's a lot.

Yeah! THE WORRYLESS SHITE! The uncomplicated pleasures...those that just are...we've all got 'em. That's solution enuff for me. For most too. Why th' feck worry so much? Why we DO that???

1+1=
2

[Ooo...that wasn't so bad...I'm likin' that]

Why don't I see things like others + I cannot cope =
Zee-ro...big ol' goose-egg...feck-awl.

[And the result of THAT? Not as much time for sunsets and the rest...or whatever cranks yer tickle-wheels]

What the fickin' fark am I goin' on with???

I dunno...but I do know the shite is finite. We're all on th' clock.
So it's best to accept some stuff and move on with a lighter load. To hell with fixing so much...accepting is an alternative that works. Even if it's just a bit.

Friday sees one silly man [but with a drip of sense anyway] signing off...and keepin' one eye out for the muddy potholes.

Ya-haha-ha-ha-ha!

*Hssst...I think 'e fergot 'is meds...or mixed up too many Adderall wit' his cereal...so don't believe him sayin' it's a lack of sleep...*

rantrantrant....until sleep DOES turn up...

Here now...Take a break from the tightrope...cause there ARE pillows down there...thick n' fluffy or Walmart bargain bin...it depends how you roll when you hit. A bump is a bump, so what?...just roll...and take a day off from the highwired act.

For anyone who can decipher this, sees a granule of sense and can use it.

I shall now wander off in somewhat an embarrassed state for having the boughs to post this.

I DO need sleep but I'm standing by my foggy thoughts.

Brazen bugger I. Fuh th' wuh! Once inna while it's ok to say that and relax from the shite.

Nothing exists to me but the sun, and the sea, and iron. I am made of iron, like the Earth and the stars...

Thanks for the hug, spondi.