What does it take to feel beautiful?

Our world today and our culture puts so much emphasis on physical and outer beauty. It drives me crazy sometimes. In fact, I never wear makeup for that reason. Well....and because I can never get up early enough to put it on, and it's a pain to take off, and it's expensive, and I have natural beauty....but you get my point.

Today I went prom dress shopping, and I found a drop dead gorgeous dress. I put it on, and looked in the mirror. Well, I looked very beautiful, but I didn't feel beautiful. I felt like an extremely sad girl with too many problems wearing a dress that was perfect in every way. Too much of a contrast maybe?
Maybe I was thinking that a pretty blue fabric and a gallon of glitter (only the kind that gets EVERYWHERE) would make me feel beautiful. Maybe I thought that if I was "beautiful" enough, then I would be happy, and all my problems would disappear. Doesn't really work that way, huh?

So then, what does it take to feel beautiful? What are some good ways to contradict the lies and images that we are constantly being bombarded with?

Women have a unique problem. They compare themselves to images that don't actually exist in the real world and then tell themselves they aren't beautiful based on that comparison of air-brushed and photoshopped world that advertisements and glamor magazines portray.

Then, here comes the kicker, for some reason I don't understand, women ignore the reality that people tell them they look pretty or beautiful and stick with the comparison to imaginary pictures.

So I guess the solution is to believe yourself and the real people that tell you the truth, that you're pretty. Stop considering fantasy and then trying to match it.

Feeling beautiful is in your own mind. Just like if someone feels they are important or interesting. Its all in the mind. If you are low then you will never feel very positive about yourself, thats how it is. If you are overconfident, you will feel you are 11/10 at any of the above. You know how your feelings can alter your moods and thoughts, decisions and perception.

In other cultures women are all perceived as beautiful because they are supposedly the gentle gender and the child bearers, the nurturers, the peace makers. In my culture as long as I look and act like Rhianna or Shakira or Miley, then sure Im beautiful definitely Its all about perspective, your own based on what you are told externally.

You are young right? Please stay away from mainstream rubbish in the western world (Im a UK english woman) it will eat away at you 24/7. Such a shame we are bombarded with vanity all the time, makes us spend too much time worrying about if we are `right' and `perfect'

It may sound strange coming from me since I'm male, but I can relate. Not about feeling beautiful, but about feeling like no matter what my appearance is lacking.

I'm a very short guy below the average height for women, nevermind for men. Because of this I understand what it's like to feel like you can never achieve what society seems to demand of your gender's appearance. Everywhere you go you are bombarded with images of physical characteristics that are beyond what are possible for you, and it really wears down your self confidence after a time.

I wish that I could tell you some method I've learned over the years that would enable you to reject that superficial side of society and define physical beauty for yourself, but I still struggle with body issues myself. All I can offer are my sympathies, and to say that it won't always be as in your face as it is now. As people get older physical appearance does decrease in importance, as does the pressure you'll feel to meet those impossible standards.

It can make you dizzy amongst other emotions trying to figure out beauty both as TV tells you what it is as well as others in your circles. I do know that being clean, taking care of yourself and generally trying to smile makes on hit the mark most often.

I hope I can offer some comfort and encouragement. I am very much older than you. I had image problems and low self-esteem when I was younger. I was never pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, good enough, never, ever [insert positive attribute here] enough, ever, in any situation. These were the messages I got at home. The media only intensified them.

Let me fast-forward to the present for a moment. I remarked one day that I had noticed, in looking at all my friends, that every single one of them was (is) beautiful. And one of my friends replied "you see what is in yourself."

Now, while I don't want to frighten small children and do want to maintain a professional image for my work, I'm not really concerned about my own personal outward beauty. Yet I can look in the mirror and objectively see that I do look just fine.

So how did I go from horrible, not-good-enough-person to one who has beautiful friends and looks not too shabby herself?

1. I quit worrying about it. I stopped buying magazines that emphasized beauty and I stopped watching commercial tv (because I went back to school and had little time for tv, period).

2. I stopped engaging in discussions about figure flaws, how to improve my hair and makeup, etc. There are so many other things in the world!

3. I quit trying to please men (and discovered men don't care about the stuff magazines tell us they do)

4. I chose my friends based on things I admired about them and how they treated me, not on a mutual shared interest on how horrible we all were because we were not perfect.

5. My environment changed. I got another job that exposed me to more people; most of whom are not concerned with their physical looks.

If you [male or female] want to wear makeup, wear it. If you want to wear a gorgeous dress, wear it! I love beautiful clothes! When I see others wearing beautiful things I tell them! You already know you have natural beauty. My guess is your "too many problems" are standing in the way of your appreciating your own self. Many problems drop away with time. Others can be consciously addressed in constructive ways. As they are resolved your beauty will shine brighter and brighter. Allow yourself to be happy, even if you have problems!! Happiness is the best beauty enhancer there is!

I wholeheartedly agree with what's been said here. I do sympathize. I never thought of myself as beautiful, but until my daughter brought it to my attention, I didn't realize I was doing her a tremendous disservice when I put myself down about my looks. She looks so much like me, sometimes people make cloning jokes when they see us together. If I think I'm ugly, what am I implying about her? So, I had to change my attitude. Neither one of us is ugly. We may not look like the Hollywood ideal, but as has been pointed out, who does in real life?

There is a reason people say confidence is sexy. If someone is confident, it will show on the outside. To begin with, there will be better self-care. A confident person is more likely to eat healthier, exercise, and practice good hygiene. This alone will improve looks. For example, picture Taylor Swift going too long without a shower. Her skin is oily and sweaty. Her hair is a tangled, unbrushed mess, her teeth yellowed and full of food particles. Her clothing is stained, wrinkled, torn, and ill-fitting, and nothing coordinates. She has a gloomy, negative expression on her face and in her body language. Now imagine Susan Boyle freshly groomed, hair styled, tasteful makeup applied if she wants it, teeth clean. Her clothes are clean, pressed, well-fitting, suitable to her, and color-coordinated. She is holding her head high, and smiling. Who looks better in this scenario? And that's without going into abstract concepts such as inner beauty.

Feeling healthy and helpful makes me feel beautiful.

A body that is trying to become healthier (e.g. through exercise, a better diet, etc.), or that tries to help someone else, is a beautiful body.

I have bipolar disorder, and every time I make these efforts, I feel like a more beautiful person The beneficial effect of these activities, at least for me, rises above whatever the media throws at me. Nowadays, I'm pretty much able to ignore the media completely.

Lastly, a beautiful face and body are not those that are physically perfect. Rather, I believe that a person's life, inner goodness, etc. shine through. A flawless face can be utterly forgetful because there is nothing interest inside. A person's character, integrity, and life history can make even a "plain" or "flawed" face utterly gripping and unforgettable.

Good luck.

Maybe you should rethink your concept of beauty?

I feel pretty every time I come around to wash my hair. I have very low standards I guess???

But feel free to borrow some kickbutt from me. Forget what you think other people think of you. It is rarely correct, and when it is, it shouldn't be.