[nushi]

Ok, I'm so depressed that it's hard for me to even write this

So I'll turn 30 years old a few days coming. & I only feel like a big LOSER!

I've read some articles over the internet, & many people saying that when you're 30 yo, you're probably stood up independently on your own feet. But me, I've absolutely done nothing… I literally wasted 30 years of my life

I don't have a job, & I'm not working now. The past 3 jobs that I've got, I didn't have enough energy to stay with. First, because I've got OCD & end up having fights & problems with my coworkers. Second, because even though I apply for jobs of political research (aligning to my political science major degree), they only give me administrative work.

I finished my Master's thesis, but many people who have started Master's (7 years ago) with me, are now finishing their PhD. I'm too slow with the regular education requirements because of my perfection-OCD problems.

I'm not married, & I've only got 5 years left to be able to have children, since birth ability for women ends in the end of their 30s. & I don't think I'll ever get the chance to be married & have children. I've had 2 relationships before (& another one that I've nearly succeeded to block out of my mind), & they failed because of my OCD. But I can't imagine myself dying without having the chance of giving birth to a child of my own

& worst of all this; I'm financially dependent on my mother. I pay my rent, food, & medicine from some money that mom sends me from my dad's pension. This is the most horrible thing I can't endure thinking about, that I'm turning into 30 yo & I'm still dependent in my pocket money on my mother could it be any more horrible than that?!!

Can you share with me your experiences when you were turning 30 years old?

[starfruit504]

When I turned 30, I was making $15 an hour, working part time because I couldn't find full time work. And I have 3 degrees, one bachelors and two masters (kind of changed courses after the second one). I was living with a bf who was paying 90 percent of our bills and rent. No kids. My dad was paying for my health insurance.

Look the economy is cracked the world over, work is sparse, and you're part of an entire global generation of well-educated people who are unable to find work or unable to find work that requires a degree. When you were born, all you had to do was go to college and the world was your oyster. That's not reality anymore. There's a lot of competition and not enough work.

You pay rent and other things, you do as much as you can. I'm sure your mother can appreciate that. I can think of a lot more horrible things than your financial dependence-- You could be stealing your mother's things and pawn them for cash so you can do drugs. You could be in jail for murder.

The best thing is, you WANT to do more. You're not sitting around and sleeping all day. You're trying to make something of yourself. Hang in there. It will get easier. Find a job you can stick with. Muscle through some of the bs so you can have several years at one job. It may not be fun, but at least you'll feel more accomplished (which is really the thing that you seem to want). Beating yourself up is only making you suffer emotionally. Stop judging yourself. Be active, look for work, definitely get help for the OCD (that makes everything harder).

If you're interested, I'm married now. I have the job I always wanted and it's a perfect combination of my two disciplines. I live in a new city and it's way more affordable for me. I'm not dependent on anyone else anymore.

[*Laurie*]

Let's see. When I turned 30 I was a full-time mom & wife, which I loved, but I was plenty exhausted by the end of each day. I was deeply involved in therapy, individual and group. I was working hard to overcome my bipolar depression and anxiety. I was quite social and I did some volunteer work. When I was 30 I thought I'd be doing quite a bit better mentally by the time I was middle-aged. Well, I'm almost 53 and I think I was doing better in many ways at 30 than I am now. So far, I'm finding the 50's awfully challenging.

[capricorn1975]

I had a mental breakdown right around my 30th birthday.

[OneInBillions]

I know the feeling. I had a mental breakdown on my 29th birthday that caused me to quit my job of 5 years soon after. I've been unemployed since, so my 30th was really depressing. I live in my parents' basement and rely on them for everything. Thankfully they're very supportive, almost too much so; they don't charge me rent or anything. I don't have any friends, either. I'm largely isolated, and my parents are the only ones I ever really talk to. I'm still a kissless virgin; I've never even had a serious relationship, and not for lack of trying when I was younger. I'm like the picture-perfect loser, TBH.

At least you've got your Master's degree; that sounds positive. I have a nearly useless Bachelor's in English that I don't know what to do with. I feel terrible guilt all the time because my parents are almost ready to retire and I should be supporting THEM by now, but I'm too useless and broken... And I worry constantly about what will happen in the future.

[x123]

Originally Posted by nushi

could it be any more horrible than that?!!

You could die a comic death tomorrow slipping on a banana peel before you turn 30. LOL That's more horrible. Or you could be coming up on your 50th birthday like me with a lot of disappointments in life. Hopefully you will have many years to make your life more wonderful

Originally Posted by nushi

Can you share with me your experiences when you were turning 30 years old?

That would have been 1996. I was living alone in an apartment, but I may have just adopted a stray cat. (That was one of the smartest decisions I ever made in my life ) I was working as a software engineer, but I had never had a girlfriend, and I was worried that I never would. (20 years later I still have never had a girlfriend, but I honestly don't care anymore.) I rode my bicycle almost every weekend in the mountains near my apartment. My depression was not nearly as bad back then. I don't think I could do a normal job today. (Sorry, this probably isn't cheering you up much is it? LOL Time has passed me by like Rip Van Winkle )

[Altarian]

That was a trying time for me. I was just remarried and my wife and i had to make a very hard choice. Our first child had to be terminated. My wife had a tubular pregnancy and if we didn't make the choice it would kill my wife. On a side note my wife and i figured when the child would of been born and do a small remembrance on the day based on our spirituality.

But back to that year. As i said i was remarried this year. But my ex-wife was still a big part of my life because of a business we started together that she was suppose to buy my half out but was trying to get out of it. Also someone i had been friends with for almost 10 years kept trying to get back into my life after we made the mistake of sleeping together.

I also was in my last year of collage. I graduates with a BS and a MS, won't state in what because it was another of my mistakes.

All in all i was wanted by someone i didn't want, lost someone i did want, and stuck dealing with someone i couldn't stand but was also with someone who taught me how to live again.

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I had some anxiety round my 30th birthday which destabilised me, but even without the mental health problems I wasn't doing well. Living at home, working a part time job, no friends, not much money. The anxiety issues only caused me to lose my job and not want to look for work. It was around my 31st birthday where someone gave me a job and I only managed to keep that job for a year because of my ongoing anxiety problems as well as other personality issues that I have.

I'm 37 now and not doing much better, although the initial anxiety problem has settled down at least.

[Nammu]

I don't remember my 30th birthday, I was in and out of hospitals and over medicated.

[shezbut]

When I was turning 30, I was finally a senior going for my B.A. I was happily married then. It had been 7 years, but we were still waiting to have children.

I didn't have a job, as I was focusing on my education. We lived in a small but cute duplex & we were anxious for me to get a decent job. However, we were in a pickle. A B.A. wasn't enough to get me a job, I needed my Master's degree. I also knew that I didn't have much longer to wait to have children AND I didn't want to work for at least the first couple of years of their lives.

It was a difficult place to be in, emotionally. I graduated in '01, had my first daughter in '02 & my second daughter in '04. I was a stay-at-home mom until my younger daughter was 2 y.o. Complications arose (such is life!) with my second pregnancy & after, so I never have been able to go back for my Master's degree. I've had to change my life in a lot of ways, but I'm still a good mom to my girls ~ I'm doing the best that I can.

Life throws complications into nearly everything, really. It takes some resilience, patience, and devotion to get what you *really want*. Somewhere, along the way, you realize that a lot of other stuff really doesn't matter. Making that discovery & allowing yourself to let go of those expectations is very freeing. It's therapeutic. You'll be okay. You just need to sit down and think about what's really important to you. Then, you can go from there.

(((hugs))) sent your way.

[LiteraryLark]

I have 7 more years before I turn 30. :O

[Septembersrain]

I think I had a brief moment with feeling like I was wasting my life. So I changed careers. I think I regret doing this but I'm working towards getting back to where I want to be.

I lost a son almost 10 years ago. I don't want more children and have realized if I ever do, I'd rather adopt. I couldn't handle a baby anymore.

I feel like a loser too because I've never felt my "Calling" in life. I've always just tried out new things with hopes it'll either be great... Or it won't.

I'm divorced and I'm starting to think I'll never remarry. The guy I'm dating now, he's even less interested in kids, marriage, and whole shabang. Nothing I can really do about that but I love him and he's a great supportive man for me.

I've had a ton of health issues hit me this year. I turned 31 in September. Suddenly after 30 I became a weird medical unicorn... And not the happy colorful cartoon type.

My mom, my guy lost both of his grandmothers, my co-worker... Death has been just enjoying itself this year. I'm glad it's almost over.

But, I'm alive and finally starting to piece together all my bad health symptoms. I'm improving. I'll keep doing my best with what I was given.

TL: DR 30 was really not my most enjoyable year.

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[splitimage]

Turning 30 for me was mixed. I had my own nice apartment and car. Had a great high paying job, and was in my final semester of my MBA (Done part time while working). But it was the start of my struggles with mental health and drinking. I was in therapy and that unfortunately destabilized me further, and I started SI'ing really badly and drinking heavily. It was the start of my alcoholism that would ultimately cost me everything. I'm 47 now, and still trying to get my life back on track.

splitimage

[ologist]

I got married to husband #2 when I was 30. Living overseas and very depressed and isolated. Discovered I was infertile. Looking back, was not a great time.

[Cat_Lover_58]

I remember my 30th fell on a Sunday. I had gone to church and even recall the cute outfit I was wearing. (I was much thinner then) I was carrying some balloons and my mother had baked a cake. I hadn't met my husband (now I'm divorced) had a half assed part-time job, no kids, had quit college at 20. Met the hubby a few months later, then kids, then divorce...seems like an eternity ago. I'm 57 now...

(I just had this conversation with my daughter yesterday; she turns 29 in less than a month)

I found turning 30 to be a liberating experience.

The way I looked at it is there are still a great deal of expectations placed upon a 29 year old to be young - especially in their appearance. Once you turn 30 it seems you are finally allowed to be yourself. It is a freedom of sorts.

My 45th year was the best in my life. I have felt younger in my 40s than I did in my 20s.

[Alone & confused]

I was married with children and STILL spent the whole day in bed crying and depressed! Marriage and children are NO GUARANTEE that you'd be any happier than you are now. Don't judge your life by what others do or say because you might end up rushing into something and wind up with an abusive husband like I did, and spend years trying to find a way to safely get you and your kids out of the relationship. So, it COULD be worse! Take it easy on yourself. I think it's pretty common for women to feel like that when they turn 30. You'll be ok.

[BlueEyedMama]

At 30 I was married two years and working a low paying counseling job trying to make ends meet as Hubby worked on his Masters. I have to college degrees but both bachelors. I never got past the first year of the Master's program because I was struggling with a new dx of lupus. By 32 I had brain surgery and couldn't work so for a brief while my parents helped us out so that we could pay rent and take care of hubby's 4 kids of which we had partial custody. The 30's were up and down for me.

You may not have a job but you almost have your Master's and that is a huge feat. It took my husband six years but he is so glad that he stuck with it. OCD can be hard (one of our kids has it) and I hope that you are getting some help for it. Our now adult (25) son finds it hard to hold a job and is in treatment trying to learn ways in which he can learn to work. He was top of his high school class but found college very challenging with his OCD and anxiety issues.

I wish you only the best and try to take a moment and be proud of the accomplishments you have made and for the dreams you hold on to.

[nushi]

Oh my God, you people are SO BEAUTIFUL I can't thank you enough for your beautiful posts, truly

I so much enjoyed & felt more encouraged, reading all your experiences & words, to dust off the past, & keep trying to pass the struggles of this life with more endurance & spirituality.

And it's a great thing that we've all got the internet, & PC Forums here, so that even if we find ourselves exhausted from trying to keep on in life, & not having any friends or relationships, we can share our thoughts, experiences, suffering, joys, hugs here together

[Mike_J]

This is sad but I was in college (again)

[nushi]

College is good. Master's & PhD's are taken in college too

And BTW, your signature is really amazing. It's very beautiful the way you say, beyond our anxieties & fears, I still remain

[DechanDawa]

On my 30th birthday I was sitting on a beach in California drinking wine with my then hubby. We had just moved to California where we rented a sweet cottage after finding "basic" jobs, and after completing a stint in the Peace Corps in the South Pacific. We moved to California with only two suitcases of tropically mildewed clothes, and a lot of carved wooden bird statues and shell necklaces. We had a small nest egg but no furniture or housewares and we were sleeping on a futon. It was one of the happiest periods of my life. (My mother died when I was young so I knew to appreciate my youthful energy.) Even with problems and setbacks, youth has its own beauty and wisdom and should be appreciated.

[nushi]

That really sounds so sweet, a small cottage on the beach... so cozy & fulfilling

I should work on trying to appreciate what little I have

[healingme4me]

When I turned 30, I agree on the liberating feeling. Went with my mom to a nice salon, hair and nails. I was married, had one child. Was in the process of trying to conceive, so I thought...newly pregnant with son #2. Had a decent paying full time job with the state. Was hoping to fix up some financial things, which turned difficult a couple years later in marriage. Already had my bachelor's degree with no employment reasons to obtain more.

Just for the record of clarification, I know at least a handful or more women that have had children at 40. At 35, there raises risks for downs syndrome, gestational diabetes and gestational high blood pressure. But risk doesn't mean guaranteed complications. So long as a woman menstrates, she can conceive.

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[shortandcute]

It did feel a little strange. But the worst part, was the physical part. I could really feel my body slowing down, and I started being in a lot more pain.