What Would Your Life Look Like as a Reality TV Show?

When I'm not feeling all yuck, I often muse about the people I am surrounded by and let me tell you - WHAT A CAST OF CHARACTERS!

I'm nobody special, but I have imagined what it would be like to have a camera follow me around all day. I think it would be hilarious when it's not depressing. It's the type of thing that people would really believe is made up but I swear to you, the people I have listed are real, the quotes are actual, so that you might get an honest feeling for the people I'm describing.

I think my life would have bits and pieces of "Curb Your Enthusiasm," and "Seinfeld." Seinfeld has quite the cast of characters and it's a show about "nothing." Absolutely perfect. I'm going to think about a name for my show, but here's my cast of characters....Names have been changed to protect the innocent lol.

Calliope - Main character. Middle aged, ADHD, Bipolar rock star at work, and a train wreck at home. Mother of twenty-something son who lives at home and wife to a man doing a stint in prison. Native New Yorker relocated to Florida to get out of the city. Picked Florida to be near best friend Lisa. Champion for the underdog with an off beat sense of humor. Sees herself as completely helpless while other people see her as either needy or extremely strong for holding it together as well as she does despite her difficulties and circumstances.

Jonathan - Introverted, gregarious, handsome buff son of Calliope. Self proclaimed femininst who loves dinosaurs, robots, robot dinosaurs and superheros. A true nerd at heart who once a week is told that he looks like "Clark Kent." Quote from Jonathan: "One of the best Christmas gifts you ever got me Mom was those luxury underpants. I don't know where I'd be without them. Probably still wearing those Fruit of the Loom and Hanes with Mister Johnson and the Juice Crew flying all about during my workouts. Now they're locked down with the c__ck pouch like luggage on the roof of a traveling car. Not going anywhere."

(I'm thinking this is definitely an HBO show lol).

Lisa - Misanthropic best friend of Calliope for 30 years. Mother of two twenty-something girls and wife to a very affable man who makes clear that opposites attract. Lisa keeps a Louisville Slugger in her car "just in case" and is best known for her dry sense of humor and no filter way of dealing with the world. Quote: "So I'm at Wally World when this bean eating, no shoe wearing, no tooth having yip yaw decides to reach their arm over Freya's head to reach a candy bar. 'Do you not see the child in front of you? Were you raised in a barn? If you get that close to her again, I'll break that arm of yours, so I suggest you keep your distance."

Nadia - Younger sister of Calliope who she looks up to. Despite their tumultuous upbringing, Nadia has always managed to "do the right thing" and is the caregiver/rescuer of the family. She's an entrepreneur who after finding dissatisfaction with all 3 of the successful businesses she has started has decided to go back to school to learn about alternative learning styles in order to become a teacher. Her current role in the family is mentor and therapist as she is trading in her cape in favor of her own mental health. Her theme song is the Theme to and the mantra of her life, can be seen in the image below:



Arielle - MUCH younger sister to Calliope and Nadia. At about 2 years old, Arielle was bringing pitchers of beer to the kitchen during a keg party the sisters held while Mom was away. Arielle was a teenage "Hood Rat" who has been in a gang, did a short stint in jail and moved out of the city to be closer to family hero Nadia after jail. She has since rebranded herself into an extremely successful General Manager of a Retail Cosmetics store even though her dream job is to be a mortician so she doesn't have to deal with people. You can take the girl out of the hood, but you can't take the hood out of the girl. When describing an argument with another manager in the store who was waving her hand in her face her response was QUOTE: Calliope, I almost blacked out. I was about to fvck that b_tch up. I told her 'Leave my office. Get out my office right now. This is going nowhere real real fast and it's going to go left real quick.... I'm going to 100% honest with you. I'm about to lose my shyt, for lack of a better term because I'm trying to be nice to you, but I'm really about to break. So you need to get out my face and you need to take your @$$ on break and calm down because you're not going to take me out of character,' her character being the poised "get 'er done" manager that she has worked to become.

Jeannette: Calliope's sponsor from back in the day at her 12 Step program who is now a mentor and keeper of Calliope's sanity. Jeannette missed her calling as a therapist or a Buddhist monk. She's the picture of serenity because she works at it and has talked Calliope down during many of her meltdowns over the years. Her theme song is from Frozen.

David - Calliope's therapist. Also has that peaceful zen-like quality that Calliope likes to surround herself with to help quiet the constant noise and turmoil that consumes her on the daily basis. Calliope is right now dealing with a crush as she finds his nurturing and calming demeanor extremely attractive.

Carla - Calliope's friend in mental health issues as she deals with ADHD, OCD and relationship issues with her husband. She's a funny, creative, disorganized, get little done type which is the thing she and Calliope share. When Calliope was told by a couple of her friends that she never listens when they talk, she went to Carla to be the tie breaker. She asked Carla, "Do you ever feel like I don't listen when you talk?" Carla responded, "Totally! But that's OK because I do it to you too."

So anyway, this was just me musing out loud, and I thought I'd share it and I thought that THIS would be an excellent place to do it. I figured all of us here have issues some of which would make an interesting show. Mine would just happen to be a comedy a lot of the time. I hope some of you will share.

sounds like a very interesting show i remember once my therapist telling me my life should be a reality show when i was telling him the latest....LOL

hahah thanks for sharing. lol that was amusing to read.

if my life was a reality TV show, i think it would be like a bear grills. survivor type show.

you know, being stranded somewhere surviving on what little you can find to help you

my life to a T. empty and void

Sounds like a winning series! Hide a camera on you-- I'd watch ;-)

Well I liked this up to the "empty and void part.

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I'm telling you. That was too much text to read for my friend "Lisa" but I told her to read her character. She says, "Misanthropic? " I'm looking at her like, " Are you kidding me? That's not you? " She said, "I've heard it before but why not my INTELLIGENT witty friend? Really? Misanthropic is the FIRST word?"

WHAT EVA Woman! I told her the thing that prompted me to write all that is what Jonathan said. He said that to me while I was here on PC the other day and I had to share.

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It would be pretty dull actually. I'm afraid not too many people would want to watch a family scrambling around to make dinner, spend time together and go back and forth to various soccer practices and games.

I'd like to think my reality TV show would turn out something like one of those fix it up shows like American Restoration. In amongst all of the usual real-life stuff I always seem to end up fixing something that's been damaged or broken or destroyed. I mean, I've made a living out of fixing boat propellers, and I'm forever fixing stuff that's work out or broken on my car, my kids have smashed, or has just generally given up the ghost.

we should swap lives

seriously.

yours sounds a lot better

Last woman on earth, without a cast. Seriously I have so little to do with people. Mostly I read, am on the computer or watching tv. It would be like watching sloths.

I thoroughly believe that every life-story can be interesting if written the right way. This is not to say there is but one proper way of writing, but that every tale has its own language.

Lol....I can relate to the American Restoration...but i think Survival of a Single Woman would be more fitting.

Being a woman who left her H after 33 years of a bad marriage & struck off alone to a place where I knew no one, alone for the first time in my life at the age of 54. Buying a 10 acre farm in a small town in rural Ky after leaving Los Angeles Ca. where I had been born & raised & learning to do all the repairs myself not only on the farm house I bought but on the used truck & my lawn tractor that continually quit working. Working on getting my farm ready for moving my horse here & learning about raising chickens for my next project.

Meeting some of the most wonderful friends I have ever had, people who are better than the family I had & who are more than willing to give a hand when needed & in turn...I help them whenever needed also. Wonderful volunteering experiences from working on the decoration crew at the horse park & meeting interesting people, not only the wonderful crew I work with even now at the annual eventing show, but those I met from all over the world at the World Equestrian Games in 2010. Then there is being part of our women's horse group...we just finished caring for 3 abused/starved stallions our sheriff department rescued. I ended up corona ting the effort after they got it started & met amazing people around the state from that experience along with a couple of us ending up on TV a couple of times. The team work formed the most awesome bond that was there already. Enjoying helping with the 4-H horse riding trail group & working on back country trails, keeping them safe.

Learning how to repair my truck & replace my own EGR valve, fix my kitchen sink faucet & do my own plumbing jobs along with electrical problems.

I still get to enjoy my artistic side & even though I no longer play my flute professionally or program computer hardware, I substitute play piano at church when they are desperate, I enjoy any spare time making beaded jewelry & painting...self taught among amazing artists in the community doesn't compare but it is relaxing. I also found a wonderful ballroom dance instructor & group at the neighboring towns community are center & can't get my fill of ballroom dancing...something I enjoyed when I was working in aerospace computer engineering in between playing racquetball every day...back in my previous life before the age of 41. I am also the technical guru for my friends when they have no idea how computer or electronic things work & need help with setting things up.

Then there is always a little drama thrown in still needing to deal with almost x-H....who still at times haunts my life just when I think he can't possibly find another STUPID thing to do in his life to affect me.

Struggle with finances is always entertaining...used to be much worse when first moved here after finding out the bad financial things he did beyond what I knew.

The survival isn't understood really without seeing the black hole years that had major depression, major anxiety, suicide attempts, massive migraines ( or just one huge one that never went away), anorexia that took me down to 83 lbs, then ended with going through a trauma with an abusive home care person who manipulated her way into caring for my mother at home when my mom was dying of cancer & the PTSD & again anorexia that took me down to 93 that time....& the struggle it took me to get back into my mothers house (I had grown up in) in order to sell it which provided me with the way to escape the bad marriage & but my farm.

Life before Ky had very few people involved....after there are so many & so many wonderful friends as each thing I'm involved with is with a different group of people....making it a huge cast...but most important are my 3 American Eskimo dogs I have (started with 7 but older age has taken its toll). Life would NOT be complete without the character of Leo....city dog moves to the country & all his crazy experiences he's brought to my life along with his amazing LOVE....he is honestly my first true experience of knowing love which has since grown to feel for all my wonderful friends.

Another aspect that can't be overlooked are all the God experiences I have encountered since moving here. Too many things that can't just be labeled as coincidences & other friends have had & shared with me their own similar experiences. So wonderful to have friends who have had similar experiences.

Seems like life throws a new episode at me weekly...wouldn't trade a day of it for my past

Lol. This is not going according to plan. I thought surely my life could not be the only comedy show. If not for me doing stupid stuff to alienate these people it would surely be a sitcom.

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I LOVE IT! WOW WHAT A STORY! You had me at "Los Angeles city girl moves to Kentucky" lol. I figured that would be interesting and then all the issues you were dealing with as well. I think my son would have had to plan my funeral or psych care.

I have social issues which pi $$ people off. Impulse issues which create stress that send me like an ostrich sticking my head in the sand making everything worse. This will lead to some meltdown where someone has to try to bring me to my senses OR maybe something good happens that drags me out of it, but none of that compares to what you've been through. Rock on with your bad self and give yourself a hug. You deserve it.

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My life always reminds me of Seinfeld. I know it isn't a reality show but it is the best I got lol. And like you said when I'm not depressed, but even then maybe some people would find that funny also

Interesting life you lead! Mine might be this:

Mom of 21 year old twin girls tries in vain to carve out a niche of sanity for herself by heading to the library on a city bus. The mom lost her job in November because her car went belly up and it would be too costly to fix. Now, weeks later, she's still trouncing around on the city bus routes, actually she's taking a bus to a job interview tomorrow morning in 15 degree weather...that'll be the last of her niche of sanity.

All of this and just days before Christmas, the twins moved out. They want to save for a place so they moved back to the dad's house. This sits alright with the mom. Her place isn't really big enough for two 21 year old girls.

Next week's show has the mom preparing for a new job she just got. It starts mid January and pays more than her last job. It will be easy enough to get to, it's on the bus route, but, OMG, her boss is a 21 year old college student who has a twin sister!!

See ya next week, same time..same channel~

Lol.....I would be totally lost with my How To's without youTube....I have learned every how to from that. I bring it up on my phone while trying to fix things & it provides step by step details. I had no idea what an EGR valve on my truck looked like without YouTube.

I have always thought there is nothing I can't do unless I don't try....that however was a falicy. Some things I just don't have the strength to do & have to call in the reinforcements after I give it all I possibly have. I purchased 108 huge fence posts last January. They were tearing down the fencing on the huge 8000 acre farm that sold after the original owner died right after I moved there. In my start way....I just had them start by loading 25 onto the flat bed trailer I borrowed to haul them home. Got into my driveway & tried to pick up a post & I couldn't even lift it. I slid it part way off then dragged it to an out of the way place in the driveway in front of the garage....I managed to get 3 off the trailer then went in my house & died. Ended up calling the guy & paying them to bring the rest & unload them all.

With the EGR valve on my truck I got 2 of the 4 bolts out but the other 2...even with my best tools & the secret mechanic spray (PBS Blaster) there was no way those last 2 bolts were ever going to let go. I called my favorite mechanic shop & asked them if they would loosen those 2 bolts for me so I could finish the job. They kindly agreed though they did ask if I wanted them to replace the valve while they were at it....I kindly declined their offer explaining that it was really something I wanted & NEEDED to do myself....$15 to get the 2 bolts loosened ....the part was $40.... One mechanic in town gave me an estimate of $375 to do the job & the dealership estimate was $275. I did it for $55 along with 3 days to get an hour job done cause I kept dropping the bolts & they landed in the grass & I had to hunt for it. Even when I put a plastic on the ground the bolt fell & missed the plastic. But when I got it done....I celebrated... & it turned off my engine warning light finally for the first time in 3 years....woo hoo....was rather proud of myself.

I have had to learn to ask for help when all else fails. The hose from the wall to my toilet in my upstairs master bath sprung a pin hole leak while I was gone several years ago. Flooded the bathroom & leaked down to the first floor. I got the water shut off but fore the life of my I couldn't get the hose unfastened. I called a man from church to help...he brought 2 other guys along....lol...it took all 3 trying to loosen the hose for it to let go. I didn't feel so helpless after that.

I have also become known as the graceful klutz thanks to my ballroom dancing. Early morning I was hungry so I went downstairs to the kitchen...heading back to the entry hall I managed to trip on a storage box I left there. Fell flat on my face but landed in the new soft plush runner I had bought to protect the 3 coate of wax I put on the parquet wood entryway. The plate I was carrying landed upright with my hands holding onto it & the food still on the plate. I was laughing so hard I could hardly get up off the floor...all I could do was picture my graceful move in slow motion....so glad I live alone so there are no witnesses to the klutzy things that happen to me.....but most happen when I'm out trail riding with others like the bush I flew into while the horse I was on took off after 2 other horses that lost their riders came running straight for us. It wouldn't have been so bad in the trail was straight but it took a sharp left turn around a metal post with barbed wire fencing attached to it. I was raising my leg to keep away from the metal post just as the horse vered left up the hill following the trail....& I flew off to his right side right into the bush giving my an amazingly soft landing.

Riding that same horse first spring ride with horses still having their winter coats....we came to a stream. This horse stuck out his right front leg which allowed his loose saddle to slip around completely under him with me still in the saddle. Luckily no one had cell phone cameras on that ride. I managed to get one foot out of the stirrup & step carefully in the stream while trying to get the other foot out....I didn't even get wet.

I was riding another horse in the same farm with trails. This horse was cantering uphill & somehow lowered his rear end & I went sliding off over the rear of a WESTERN saddle & landed sitting on the ground as the horse took off up the trail.

Another time we were riding on good friday. The horse I was on got too close to these trees that have 2-3inch thorns & one stuck right into my knee. I pulled it out but the tip broke off still in my knee....my sensitive knee I had reconstructed from a blown out ACL when I played racquetball. I actually had to get off my horse & pull my riding pants down to see the knee so I could pull out the tip of the thorn....that knee was sore for over a week from that dang thorn.

Could make a TVshow just on my riding bloopers...luckily there were no home videos being taken of me at the time.

An intriguing idea.YMIHere! I sometimes ask myself the corresponding question about my own life, but how common is introspection of that kind? Is it a sign of mental illness (in the sense of refusal to engage with reality, however you may define the term)? Is it inside the ballpark of normal or even positively healthy mental behaviour? And what happens when you feel the need to ask others for their views about how your life would present itself within some genre or other?

My life would be just too boring for anyone to watch as a reality show!

Sure - me crying over NOTHING! I'm going to make my way down to Doug over here about introspection in a minute...

I feel sometimes like I'm in an existential crisis. I'm 44 now so I think now that the "clock is ticking" it's gotten even worse. I'll give you an older example though:

I would liken myself to a Rebel, Hippie Rocker potty mouth where what you see is what you get. If I had my way, Stevie Nicks would have her own clothing line from which I would regularly adorn myself. My hair would be purple and I'd probably have more tattoos (I only have 2). I work in an office for a major bank where I have to dress business casual and play by the rules of the game. I don't want to be there. I want the benefits of a higher position, but I don't want to play the game or look the part. Stuff like that has been a MAJOR cause of stress for me at times. It's like I'm only partly me and I hate that. I want to say, "These people are a-holes" but apparently that's FROWNED UPON.

Girlfriend I feel you on the bus. I had a P.O.S. car - actually two in a row that bled me dry. I went from late November to end of March. I didn't check where you are, but in Florida, buses blow. I'm from NY and Florida is not public transportation friendly.

When I first started this job in 2011 I had no car. I started in July 2011. Have you ever BEEN to Florida in the summer. It's the "rainy season" from June to November. I had to take THREE buses to get to work. On Halloween while waiting for bus # 2 it starts raining. Scratch that it starts POURING. I'm 3 months on my job and I walk in soaked to my bra and panties all bedraggled. I told them it was my Halloween costumer. I was the girl from the Ring.

Good luck with the new job!

Now that's a show! We'll be NBC Comedy Thursdays lol. I am CONSTANTLY sitting with my feet under me. At work I'll have one foot under my thigh at my desk. On my laptop now and sitting cross-legged on the couch.

So one day I was on my bed doing I don't remember what when my husband called. He was not the hubby then so I was running for the phone like a school girl...

My right foot big toe caught my left pants leg as I leapt up from the bed to grab the phone, causing me to hit the floor on one knee and just BARELY miss slamming my face into my desk. My first husband used to say, "My wife is so graceful....like a gazelle." LMFAO!

Honesty I feel like I'm not introspective enough. And literally this all comes to me simply from living life. I just have so many people that crack me up!

I had one more - my cousin, but I don't know what's up with her. I'm kinda ticked b/c she NEVER calls me back. It's like I was thinking, "Did I do something to OFFEND her????" I had a friend who used to always be worried if I was mad at her. Neurotic. But my cousin I don't know what her deal is but she had me DYING!!! I mean these are the people who can make me laugh until it hurts. I wouldn't trade them for anything. My sister and friend (can't remember what I named her here - my sanity keeper), they'd be like my fairy godmothers in this crazy show.

Whether all this is mental illness or normal? You have to be a special kind of crazy to want cameras following you EVERYWHERE so I guess that settles that.

I loved The Truman Show.
It was about a True-man, who faced his fears, and even God, to find the truth about his love and his life.
Contains very profound messages, with lots of social truths mixed into it.
It is about an underdog who rose to be a light in everybody's heart.
Well that is how I saw it.

Re: What Would Your Life Look Like as a Reality TV Show?
Much like Homer Simpson minus 80% of the drama.
The script would never get past the receptionist bin.

Everybody in this place is a comedian.

Lol....it's the comedy in our lives that helps us survive...if I didn't look at life in a humorous way it would be sooooo depressing

You know when something happens and you tell a story and you just have them in stitches. I’m talking laughing until they’re crying or peeing their pants? I have a couple of those. This is the nonsense that you could seriously not believe happened in real life, but they’re true. Here’s an episode I’m sure you’ll get a kick out of.

Episode 15 - What happened to you?

Our main character Calliope having gotten pregnant from a friend of hers, decides to have the baby in the hopes that it will fill the massive void that has been inside her for the first 21 years of her life. Neither she or her friend have an interest in BEING with each other, but Donny decides to be a part of Jonathan’s life.

As a young, unwed mother with issues she does not even realize that she has, she is home, on welfare, living with her mother. Living on the meager funds that welfare provides in NYC is impossible and she sees an ad (or hears about - Calliope can’t remember that right now) a bar on the avenue looking for a barmaid off the books. She has never worked in a bar but figured what could it hurt to check it out. She calls and is told she has to meet with (we’ll call him Gary) and she sets out on her way.

Calliope is in her usual attire adorned with her leather motorcycle jacket and Laura Biagotti glasses. They are prescription sunglasses because Calliope is at a serious sight deficit without them.

As she is walking to the bus stop over snow and ice, she is practically snow blind from all the white shining back at her. As she turns a corner she slips on some ice - does a slide like she’s sliding into home base with her hands out in front of her. She sees the bus coming, grabs her glasses which had flown off her face and gets on the bus to make her way down the avenue.

She enters the bar which is very dark even in the middle of the day, especially when you compare it to outside. She asks the barmaid for Gary and is told that he stepped out and will be right back. She tells Calliope she can take a seat and wait for a bit.

Calliope takes a seat near the front of the bar closest to the door. There’s an older black man there sipping a glass of beer.

“Hello. How are you doing?” he says.
“Great. How YOU doin’?” (Think Joey from Friends, lol)
“What happened to you?”
“What?”
“What happened to your eye? Your man beats you or something?”

This perplexes Calliope because she knows her glasses are very dark and there is no way he can see her eyes. She figures he must be assuming that because he can’t see her eyes. That’s why she’s wearing shades in this dark bar, but again, these are her prescription so she dismisses it. He persists.

“What happened to your eye?”

Now she’s curious. How can he POSSIBLY see her eyes? There’s a mirror behind the bar that goes the whole length of it. She walks the whole length and steps just behind the bar as she flips her glasses up onto her head to look at her eyes and figure out what the hell is going on. She sees nothing. Puts her glasses down and sits at the end of the bar again.

Finally, rather p!$$ed off that this guy told her to come at this time and then has the nerve to not be there, she gives up. (Patience is NOT her virtue.) She says goodbye and makes her way out of the bar towards the bus stop.

As she’s standing there, everything is VERY bright. She goes to push her glasses up so that they will block the sunlight. When she goes to push them up, she puts a gloved finger up to the lens (she has since learned you’re not supposed to do that) AND STUCK HER FINGER RIGHT TO HER EYE!!!!

Apparently, that fall...yeah, it had knocked the lens out and Calliope the catastrophe did not even notice!

I got home and I’m telling my mother this whole story. She’s looking all puzzled, wondering, as I was, what this guy’s problem was and then I pulled out the glasses, put them on and she LOST IT!!! I mean cackling like a banshee.

Now when I tell people that story I tell the whole thing and then pull up a picture to show them. This picture is of me at 18 years old with Jason Newsted of Metallica.