Socializing online vs. "real life"

I'm not sure if anyone will have feedback for this but I thought I'd share it because it's on my mind.

Awhile back I said something about how I am practically unable to form relationships or socialize with people in real life and someone commented that I seem to do okay online. I think I've figured out why that is.

In a chat room, for example, the purpose is pretty much for everyone and anyone to join in and talk about a specific topic. It's basically a free for all and you don't have to worry about the awkwardness of interrupting or commenting on something that's not your business. Ideally private conversations would take place, well, in private.

Whereas in "real life" I can't just walk up to a group of strangers and chime into their conversation. I feel like everyone everywhere I go already knows eachother and are already wrapped up in their conversations, so it's like there's no room for me anywhere, if that makes sense.

Even with organized "groups" (I go to a day center every wrekday) nothing ever seems to come of it. I share what I share, on ocassion I might get feedback , but then after group the people go back to the friends they already have. And because it's been so awkward when I've made effort to recreationally communicate with people in the past,(ie
someone telling me that what I said was "random", or "weird", or simply ignoring me and continuing to talk to just their friends) nowadays I don't even bother. I just keep to myself, literally all the time and let them be.

I've made more friends online-rather it be chat rooms or FB groups-because it's just easier.

Feel the same way!

I sit on the otherside of the fence.

I actually prefer real life interaction. So much of communicating is by non verbal langauage and one misses such nuances in online chat. I maintain an air of disbelief when it comes to talking online. There is something about not being able to observe non-verbal communication that makes me uncomfortable and question legitimacy. Is a friend you only know online truly a friend? Another question to ponder. Personally, the only 'friends' I have online are those that exist in my life offline. Finally, I would never dream of discussing anything with a person online that I wouldn't discuss for real.

Anyway, just my opinion. Don't forget, you asked.

I also feel online people have become so much more rude and have a tendency to bully. I say that with the most easy of tones. Especially on social media like FB mostly. Anything political is crazy! Strangers ripping each other apart over politics. It's insane. I've debated many conversations myself but man these ppl get nuts. I've never seen this kind of stuff in live debates. Well not until this last year I guess I did on the campaign trail. However the online violent tones on some sites just blow me away. I saw where 2 guys were fighting and one actually reported his online activity to his employer and he was fired.. just crazy!

This is definitely true.

I think for me, the ability to use block/ignore features if someone is bullying is a plus. Of course I assume people in real life are thinking these same things but won't say them (which is worse to me), but that's another story.

I like online because it allows me to be slower. I can take my time responding to things. And sometimes seeing it in text format helps me process it better than talking out loud, for some reason.

Also, you can just step away whenever you feel overwhelmed or ready to stop. It's at your complete control, unlike in-person socializing.

That's an awesome way to look at it an do it actually. I'm a little more quick to respond especially in a heated debate! I have learned to let myself think before I react though, you know let it wrap itself around my brain some. Yet at times I'll admit my emotions get the best of me. I have a huge problem with bullying, online bullying especially it's so unnecessary and really has a long time affect on kids sometimes it doesn't end well at all..

I'm on the other side of the fence, as well. I interact more comfortably in person. Of course back when I was in early adulthood and navigating college and was on relay chat, the original equivalent to what the internet blossomed into, I'd probably say that I felt more connection/affinity to some of my online friends. Felt like a mismatch and a bit shy and uncomfortable meeting people. At the same time it was college and cliques are what they are and well, one might think they have formed into their identity but wasn't fully there either. After kids and a bunch of full out stressful experiences and painful losses of loved ones, I just stopped worrying what others might think. Now I'll talk to random strangers given the opportunity.

But I do understand.

I understand what you are saying about feeling like you are intruding on a group and not fitting in. I feel that a lot, too.

I usually chat with strangers when in lines, etc... i find something to connect about.

I am in a sales job, where I am supposed to be friends with everyone to be more successful, and I find it too uncomfortable to ask people out for coffee or lunch with those ulterior motives in mind. Even with that strong push from my job, I don't make the effort. But I should.

Ive come a long way from the girl who never spoke. Now my mom gripes that I talk too much, honest to a fault and very expressive in all aspects of life.

Ive always felt socially awkward. It bothers me deeply when friendships go sour because i still have such a hard time making friends. It takes a great effort but I work to make, keep, and maintain friendships.

I feel better talking online. I can take my time and formulate a better answer. I'm introverted and painfully shy so making offline friends is really hard.

I like both, and can see benefits of each type of communication.

I like RL communication because it feels more spontaneous and it's nice to get the non-verbals as well as verbals.

I like also how online we can communicate in a deep way that we maybe wouldn't IRL, it's not that I wouldn't say the same things IRL but the opportunities are rarer - only a small number of RL people I can communicate deeply with. Maybe it's because online the net is wider so we come across more people who are suitable to talk about deeper things with, idk, it's interesting to think about.

This thread got me thinking!

As a rule I find communication solely via text for example to be difficult because I need the non verbal cues to 'feel' a person in order to connect fully with them. But interestingly I haven't found that so much of a problem for me on here & it got me wondering why?

One theory I came up with is that maybe on here we're more open? In as much as we are receiving & giving support in areas of our lives that we know we have in common with those reading our posts. Maybe that makes us more likely not to hold back? In real life perhaps there are too many inhibiting factors? I don't know! Food for thought!

I don't know what to think today.

I don't feel overly liked here. (That's fine...I don't think I come across as I am in real life and I don't know why)
In the past in real life, people seem to like me more. But I've isolated myself.

So...I don't know... but I'm glad you've sorted it out iphone.

I'd much rather have real life interaction but unfortunately my depression, anxiety and other BP symptoms tend to get in the way these days

Some people told me that I sound sociable online, while in real life I'm actually not. I think these are two different realms. I get anxious around people, and I don't like to be forced to talk with someone I don't feel like talking to. The cyber world suits me better. I also have difficulty organizing my thoughts in real time. Online I have the time to organize them. Even then, I feel my thought come out not perfectly organized. I don't like living in the cyber world all the time, though. It is delusional if not actually harmful. We humans need personal interactions. There is no substitute to that.

I don't go anywhere to have friends. You guys online are it. Trying chat but who knows.

I much prefer rl. So much can be misinterpreted online. To all those who 'live' online please try and get out and interact with the real world, yes people let you down yes there are real a##holes out there yes it can be scary but at least you know what you are dealing with, online? who knows?

I use to be very outgoing. Would always look for veterans of WW2, Korea and Vietnam and make it a point to talk to these men and women and get a little of their story. Everyone I talked to would open up somewhat and share a story or two with me. They would always thank me for talking to them. It is the least I can do, or could do. I even talked to a man that served with Bob Feller on the USS Alabama at a local Kroger. I just wish, I had presence of mind to ask if I could record some of their stories but it is too late now. My fascination with is very simple. My grandfather served in the Navy in WW2 and he hated it. (he was drafted from his job at GM and had 3 daughters at home) Well, he died in 1964, I was born in 1966, so I was never able to ask about what he did. So, this is why I started talking to every vet I could, just to try and gather ideas of what he had done. It is very easy to spot an ex sailor! But know, since I am bed bound and paranoid as hell about everything, I can`t do it anymore and it breaks my heart. I`m done rambling. But I always preferred one on one contact, now I hide behind a computer screen. I won`t even let any of my old classmates I have reconnected with over the past 6 months, to see me like this. I am ashamed, of what I have become.....

Assuming you're not in bed by choice there's nothing to be ashamed about. It could happen to any of us. Please don't isolate yourself. maybe it would be easier if it was a total stranger. Maybe there is a local charity that could match you up with someone to visit you. I used to visit someone who didn't go out much. All the best

To be clear up front, yours is a perfectly acceptable position but if I might ask a question or two...?

Who cares if online I don't know who I am really dealing with? I mean, there are a few people here at psych central that I feel close to. Now perhaps if I met them in rl I would find that they present completely different and I wouldn't like them or feel that connection. If that is the case, then I am very glad that I don't know them in real life because I value them in my life right now. You know?

In real life I am close to my wife - that's about it. I am close with my father but he lives 3000 miles away so we only connect over the phone. In both instances, I feel badly that they have to watch or listen to the pain in my voice constantly due to health issues and chronic pain. I hate to subject them to that - I know how I would feel if I had to watch my wife suffering every day.

Here on line I can chat away without anyone here hearing me cry out from pain or watch me fall down on the way to the computer. That's a big plus for me.

Yep I get where you!re coming from. I think both points of view are valid.

It's because the communication in text is verbal and void of a true essence of emotions and emotional connections.