Overloaded

In between taking care of my mentally ill sister, I missed my own appt. with my psychiatrist. I always go on Thursdays, but he had to change it to Wed and I didn't register it when I looked at my calendar. I apologized when he called, but I don't think he forgave me. I'll find out next week.

My cousin called a couple of weeks ago to tell me that my sister was sounding weird. So I called and she was. So we met at the mall and she came over the following week. I was hoping that knowing she'd have something to do would give her some comfort.

Well, she was worse. She couldn't communicate, plus she was having involuntary muscle spasms. Our situations aren't set up so that I could easily call her doctor--he never returns my calls. So, after the second day, I gently pushed at her defenses and offered a shoulder to cry on. And she took it.

Boy did she take it. She sobbed and sobbed for a couple of hours. And she shook and shook. So I held her and rubbed her shoulders and stroked her brow and rubbed her feet and she'd stop shaking for a while, but then start again. And eventually she fell asleep.

My family doesn't touch much, so this was a very special situation. I sense that I may have infantilized her, and I didn't know what else to do. She was better today and decided to go home. I didn't really want her to go, but I could feel myself beginning to fragment, so I let her go with instructions to tell her doctor some stuff on Tuesday.

There. Thanks for listening.

Doh

Everyone needs touch, not just children/infants. I'm sure you were very helpful. I didn't learn it was okay to touch/be touched either until I was nearly 50! My stepmother was getting senile and when she'd stay with me sometimes she would not wake up well in the morning, would have a hard time getting out of bed. One morning I just lay down next to her and started rubbing her back and the memories of being a child and all times she had rubbed my back then, etc. came back and it really felt good and I'm sure did both of us good.

sounds like you care about her

and you gave her useful words - that she is to tell the doctor

and I hope things work out okay for your sister
and for you too

Those times are so rare, but beautiful. Thanks for sharing this.

Thanks for your support. It means a lot to me.

I'm starting to have a reaction to what happened last week. I'm feeling the beginning of resentment. I don't remember where I saw it, but the words "passive dependent" or something like that hit a nerve.

The whole reason I got involved was that my cousin called to tell me that my sister was sounding whacky. Without thinking, I jumped in and took responsibility.

My mother made me her caretaker in her living will without asking me if I wanted to do it. My sister made me her in case of emergency person without asking me.

And if I try to keep a distance, other people in their lives make me feel guilty.

I guess I keep covering the same territory. It's hard to balance caring about someone else and protecting my boundaries.

When my sister is "well" she's hostile. When she's sick, she doesn't heap the guilt on me.

It's a pattern with her. If she doesn't get what she wants, she causes a crisis in which she has to be rescued. The more I try to protect myself from her, the more she fixates on me. I feel like I'm being stalked.

She wants me to be her own private psychologist because I'm able to listen and say supportive things. But there's a reason therapy sessions only last an hour. They're exhausting.

Whaa! Whaa! Whaa! Thanks again for listening.----Can someone move this thread to general discussion? I don't think it belongs here.