How Are You Feeling Right Now? #2

Ambivalent about my chances at getting both a refi and a second mortgage to get my business up and running...

Scared and confused. Off balance.

Exhausted & emotionally drained.

In the past, there is depression. In the future, there is anxiety. In the present, there is only peace.

--paraphrased from Lao Tzu

Nervous about picking a therapist off a list of people I've never heard of before.

Got my groove on. Gonna live it up today! Doing it right now in fact. Got my cherry pepsi, my smokes, had a great dessert, got my alcs in the fridge for tonight so, I can relax my mad brain and do some writing. Going out later to a local place for hot dogs. I can't wait for that chili dog! YUM!!

Sick and tried of self centered people... only receiving and never giving back

Feeling bad about some automatic reactions.

Full. I overate today. Both at lunch and dinner. Ugh Kind of gross. Lol

Feeling confounded by people who wear masks, pretending to be one way but really are another way.

And people who judge others for what they're equally guilty of. Pot calling the kettle black, much?! Pfft. That really gets my goat.

I honestly don't know. I was depressed about 10 minutes ago and now I feel...different. I don't know what to call it. It is an unusual feeling.

Well, it started with getting very upset as I was going over the list of in-network mental health care providers...

...and it's gone downhill from there. Too much too soon.

Mind boggled and livid all the same.

I wrote in an email complaint yesterday and got the most ludicrous idiotic of replies. Truly mind blowing the stupidity it was.

The complaint? I'd been calling for weeks to the customer service line which never was answered eventually after 10min would disconnect.

The resolution? To call the customer service line.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reminds me of the time the automated phone said my phone number I was calling from wasnt a valid phone number. Hmm then how am I calling on it??

I feel ok today. Tired as usual. Were getting snow tonight and tomorrow. Yay. It'll be pretty outside.

Horrible, terrible..... too ****ing painful

Numb....

Blessed. And thankful. More than I have been in a long time.

I wish I could say I feel great, but I am a mixed bag. I have a new job starting Monday and I'm anxious about my performance. I have to find a new place to live, and I am anxious about living with a new roommate. I am single again and feel lonely but I know this is needed now. I don't want to feel depressed about it, but I kind of do. I really want a partner in life. I am sick of dating and I am sick of being alone. I am sick of things not working out with new partners. I am sick of life challenges. I will still need to look for full time work as the two jobs I have are part time and contract.

This is really more of a rant and probably belongs in the rant thread.

Guess I feel down. What I want is to feel grateful and happy.

Trapped. Trapped, and tired of being trapped.

Right now I am feeling angry.

Dude, why aren't you writing? Or, being a content creator on your own YouTube channel? You could freelance write for print and online publications, or write then self-publish. You have "the gift" of writing. Yoda would tell you there is try, only do. You clearly are well-rounded, well-spoken, and can write so well that even a grammar nazi reading you, would be out of a job.

Oh, and try Buddhism and meditation. Or singing bowls. Sound healing is very therapeutic.

Create a life that feels good on the inside (I tell this to myself when I feel trapped).

Kurt Vonnegut said, "Here we are trapped in this amber moment. There is no why." And you know what? I agree. We are where we are, and the best we can do is Jedi mind trick ourselves out of the funk that comes with feeling trapped. A feeling is not a fact. Don't confuse a feeling with reality (again, I also tell myself this a lot).

Basically, I KNOW how you feel. Believe-you-me. I know!

In fact, this weekend I feel much like the character of Ron Burgundy:

The problem is, I've become trapped not in the moment, but the reality. Don't confuse a feeling with reality, you say. I say, the reality of the situation is very-nearly hopeless, and the timing is always off. I have to wait for this or that, so that I can then get money to do this or that. Having money to do this or that will break the cycle as I will have greater freedom and more mobility; the reality, however, is that I can't sync-up. I'm always off-rhythm, out of step, and as a result, I'm always in the right place at the wrong time. Always. It's become so noticeable that I openly mock it because why not? If not me, then who? The dissonance has become farcical in how badly out of tune it is. Anyone who knew the full situation would undoubtedly agree with me.

As to my current emotional state?

Personally Micheal, I think you're brilliant.

Thanks, guys (gals?). I would like to write more, that's true...I just need to find inspiration.

Feeling hungry, right now. About to go to the best coffee spot in town and have B's&Gs--Bisuits and gravy. Mmm...

Uncomfortable. With myself. In my own skin. I have things to do today but don't know if I can do them. I haven't taken my dog to the park in several days. I feel like a selfish pile of garbage.

But my tea is good. Raspberry.