[alittlelikemusic]

Do you ever feel like in your quest or journey to be happier, you find that the people surrounding you are way too serious or too pessimistic? I feel like the people in my life are not on the same page. Not to be hypocritical or anything. I spiral down into depression a lot, but when I strive to have a day filled with positivity and happiness and laughter and fun, it feels like I'm discovering more and more that the reason I can't be those things is because I'm stuck in an environment filled with people who don't want to change or who continue to do the same things over and over again.

I'm just trying to free myself from this prison, and I feel like secretly other people don't want me to succeed. Maybe misery just loves company. Am I being paranoid?

[QuietChaos]

I don’t think it’s that other people don’t want you to succeed. People with insecurities project them out onto other people and make others flaws seem huge so they don’t have to see their own. I suppose we all do it to an extend, but sometimes we find ourselves around people who cannot find anything good about those around them. I feel bad for them, they must feel very ugly inside.

[alittlelikemusic]

Thanks, QuietChaos. The people I live with are angry and miserable all the time. They're always projecting that onto me. I can't even isolate myself without someone coming to me to tear me down.

Thanks for listening.

[QuietChaos]

I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

[s4ndm4n2006]

You're not being paranoid and being in an environment of negativity can affect your outlook but by the same token it can only "hold you back" if you let it. Life is going to always be full of less than ideal environments for success in pretty much anything. The thing is that you have to not rely on the environment you're in to succeed at what you endeavor to succeed in. Don't let the environment, people around you or other things outside yourself dictate whether you can accomplish something or not. Find ways to do so in spite of the environment. After all is accomplishing things when it's given to you (or easy) really success or is success being able to overcome those things that would seemingly hold us back and succeeding in spite of it?

[eskielover]

I remember way back in 1966 (I was in junior high 8th grade).....I had determined I would stop fighting with my parents & just blow off their stupid remarks. It went well for a few days. I can still see the vision our in our front yard. My dad said something really stupid & critical. I snapped back & remember thinking "if this is how you want it.....screw it....I am NOT going to just sit back & take it" Never thought about NOT fighting with them again after that day.

Sometimes we have to tolerate situations until we can get ourselves out. You can't force people around you to be something they aren't. That means we have to find other sources of happiness & write them off as just being there until we don't have to be around them any longer. It was 8 years until I was able to leave my parents home after that....then ended up in a marriage that wasn't any better than the environment I grew up in. I now live alone 2100 miles from all that & have never been happier.....lol....I an now 65 years old. Long process to find myself

[alittlelikemusic]

Originally Posted by eskielover

I remember way back in 1966 (I was in junior high 8th grade).....I had determined I would stop fighting with my parents & just blow off their stupid remarks. It went well for a few days. I can still see the vision our in our front yard. My dad said something really stupid & critical. I snapped back & remember thinking "if this is how you want it.....screw it....I am NOT going to just sit back & take it" Never thought about NOT fighting with them again after that day.

Sometimes we have to tolerate situations until we can get ourselves out. You can't force people around you to be something they aren't. That means we have to find other sources of happiness & write them off as just being there until we don't have to be around them any longer. It was 8 years until I was able to leave my parents home after that....then ended up in a marriage that wasn't any better than the environment I grew up in. I now live alone 2100 miles from all that & have never been happier.....lol....I an now 65 years old. Long process to find myself

Thank you, Eskielover. I think I've been here way too long. I used to be able to stay positive and brush it off, but It's much too worse now. They're so toxic. I just want to save up enough money so that I can also move 2100 miles away from this place.

[eskielover]

Sometimes moving away is the only answer

I lived 21 years in my parents house & 33 in my marriage.....leaving at times is the only way to find our sanity after living with totally dysfunctional people. Just allow yourself a couple if years adjustment time. For me I actually had to pull out from inside who I really was that had been buried much of my life & let the real me who I sensed was in there finally come out. The person who wasn't constantly REACTING to the dysfunction around me but actually just living my life fir the first time in all those years. It took me time to sort it out & after 11 years there are still times where I catch myself thinking some old thoughts & still adjusting to my new life.

[alittlelikemusic]

This gives me hope. Sometimes I'm tempted to give up, but I'll keep holding on. I really want to see a better future. I never thought about how once I do finally leave, I'll need time to adjust to a new life. I guess that's something to think about to.

[eskielover]

It actually has to do with the neuroplasticity of our brains. They have been trained to think & react to the dysfunction around us all those years & when finally away our minds capable of always learning new ways & changing, adapt & learn what works in our new environment.

Stupid things like living around people who neved listened & I would start to say something & never finish because they weren't listening or they took the conversation off in a different direction. So when I now had people who listened & paid attention I would sometimes lose the end of wgat I was saying because I was so used to never finishing a thought. I am much better at comminicating now that I am around people capable of communicating but it took me awhile. My work environment had all been technical & work conversatikns were not the same as social.

Just learning what all my feelings were (not just my anger) was a huge challenge & learning how to communicate those thoughts & feelings was a huge learning curve at 54 + years old. I had a lot to unlearn & reprogram my mind with

[KD1980]

I feel this way now. I live in a very poor neighborhood where people work low paying jobs, are on welfare and/or do drugs. I was telling my therapist that I think I've outgrown this neighborhood and I want to move out. I want to be surrounded by more motivated people.

On an individual level, I set boundaries with people who are too negative. I stopped talking to a lot of people, and I blocked some people on Facebook. This was hugely helpful for me.

[alittlelikemusic]

This is why I care about my environment so much. I know that if I were in a positive one, it would be easier to heal. In the past, I've even had therapists come to the house but it didn't do much good because my environment was always the same and I kept facing the same problems over and over again.

I can understand if I went to a new job and I had to learn to adapt to the environment there. I wouldn't have much of a choice. I would just have to learn how to cope as best as I can (at least until I've found a better job).

But it just makes more sense to me to have at least one positive environment in my life. And if I'm going to choose which environment I want to be most stable, I want it to be my home life. I wouldn't have it any other way.

[eskielover]

Don't give up on leaving.

I had a discussion with my T about how I had been told you can't leave your problems because they are inside you.....but she said that is only when your problems are NOT external ones. Yes, I brought along how I had adapted to that environment but in a new & peaceful envuronment we learn how to adapt to that & slowly realize that the way we adapted & responded to that old dysfunctional environment is no longer necessary & a peaceful feeling becomes recognizable.

Yes, one needs a peaceful home life.

I didn't jump right into my new environment but I definitely put feelers out into groups I was interested in. That gave me a chance to observe the people & know who I really wanted to get involved with before becoming friends.

I have to say it worked because this is the life I always dreamed was possible all those years.

Yes some issues followed me but that was because of the financial mess my H had made that made it impossible to get divorced immediately. Finally after 11 years I got my divorce but I am still battling over assets in the state where we were married & lived all those years. The final relief will be done when tbis is over but as you said....having a peaceful home life to ground yourself in is very important.

[mugwort2]

I'm sorry too you need to go through with such negative people. Gentle hugs.