How are you feeling right now #4

A bit discouraged about some "unsolved" relationship issues along with thoughts about dark things happening in the world (violence, abuse, and other human things)
I wish I could be telephatic and a bit like a Doc Xavier to communicate some thoughts, lessons that I learnt to the world and somehow fix some relationship
I wish the world could "calm down" a bit, I wish humans were more respectful in their behaviours, even if life can be hard
Better not to make the scenario even worse
I wish a person in particular could be reassured and get comforted and loved
He deserves it

Depressed this morning

Extremely anxious.

I joined a gym yesterday and I am afraid of a lot of things. Showing off my fat body for instance. I am quite nauseated by this thought. I'm afraid of looking like an idiot on the machines too. Apparently someone is going to go through them with me but that is giving me anxiety too and what if I forget. I have convinced myself I am going to be the center of attention and get laughed at. I am also concerned about the meeting I have with the fitness expert this morning. She is to take measurements, weigh me, etc and set goals. Setting goals is good but the thought of being weighed and having my fat content ascertained just sickens me. But I have to do this. I have gained even more weight in the last six months and am disgusted with myself which isn't helping my mental health. I look at recent pictures of me and I am absolutely mortified.

I went from 300 LBS to 170. I ran all over my town showing it all, but slowly that turned into “damn”.

Do not worry about what other people are thinking. Decent people will see the results and wonder how you were able to do it. It inspires confidence in others in all sorts of ways.

Depressed

I tried eating after going without food for 22 hours. I ate my fries with no problem. I took 2 bites of my sandwich and my stomach was like “not today satan” I literally have no idea what’s going on but I am for sure not feeling hunger right now. My stomach hurts though.

Depressed and anxious this morning

I am very anxious. My stomach is churning and I have already been sick several times. I am nervous on account I go for my first workout this morning and I am afraid I will look like a moron.

Ok'ish. Not a lot to grumble about. That is something I am supposing.

UPDATE:

it went well. I don't think I embarrassed myself too badly. I still felt like a dork but now that I know how to use the equipment I feel a good deal better. Although I am sore and exhausted.

I feel depressed and suicidal.

Still depressed but feel a bit better this afternoon

Still depressed and suicidal this afternoon.

Mixed emotions this morning

Depressed

I feel good this afternoon

Depressed this morning

Depressed but less so than yesterday

I feel like the Nickelback song Rockstar “we’ll all stay skinny cause we just won’t eat.”

Sad and alone

Super tired. I’ve been up since 2:30.

I feel really good. It's a beautiful morning. I woke up early as always. Set up my day goals. Completed my first two goals. Having my morning tea whole typing this reply . A whole day ahead me and feeling exited to face it

Depressed this morning

My anxiety is a little bit better but I’m still not hungry. I’m glad we decided not to get pizza for dinner.

Depressed this morning