[LiteraryLark]

This is a very difficult post for me.

Two years ago, I fled for my life during the Tubb's wildfire. This year, my grandparents, my three best friends and their families, and my relatives are all evacuating from a wildfire. This hurts my heart so much.

My parents and my soul sister told me to be strong, not let the fear show, that this time it's my turn to be strong for my loved ones who may lose their homes. It's a high probability. My grandparents are driving to my house until they learn if they have a home to come home to. The next two days will be the most definitive. We'll know by Monday-ish if it'll be safe to for them to go home.

I'm a mess. I'm tired of being strong all the time. I know all my loved ones are safe, that's what's most important. I'm not sure if I'm ready to lose my grandparents house. It was always a safe space for me and I am very attached to that house. I don't want to go too much into it because all I can ask for is my loved ones safe, and they are. I am freaking out. It's a reality I don't want to face. For a year, I lived with my grandparents because I lost my house, now they're coming to stay because they may lose theirs. I'm freaking out.

Please send me hugs and prayers for my friends and loved ones. This is not an easy time for me and I wish there was someone I can talk to.

--LL

[unaluna]

Oh Lark, how terrible for your grandparents. I know they hoped to leave the house as a legacy to their grandchildren. These fires are hell on earth.

[lizardlady]

Lark, it's okay to not be strong all the time. It's okay to take some time and fall apart. It's okay to let you loved ones know you are worried about them. This has to bring back ugly memories and feelings for you. It's okay to feel all that stuff. Personally, the more I try to stuff that kind of thing, the worse it gets.

Your parents are probably having feelings similar to yours. It would be nice if all of you could talk about what's going on, but it sounds like they are not open to that. Find a place where you have some privacy and let yourself fall apart for a bit.

You said you wish you had someone to talk to. Might not be the same as talking to a person face to face, but we are here for you.

(*(*(*(*Lark*)*)*)*)

[splitimage]

Oh Literarylark, I'm so sorry, both for your family and friends who may lose their homes, but also for you. This must absolutely be devastating and bring up bad feelings for you.


I think it's ok to acknowledge those feelings rather than trying to stuff them. I don't know if you ever journal, but I find that when I have strong feelings that I can't share IRL for whatever reason, just writing them down can help.

And don't forget we're here to give you support too.

splitimage

[Anonymous42019]

My poor friend Lark, it really is quite okay to feel all these things during such difficult times. Though I'm not overly religious, I promise to pray for you and my daughter also.

[TishaBuv]

Thinking of you every time I see fires in CA. Prayers for all to stay safe.

[*Beth*]

I'm so, so sorry, LL. I live barely outside of the line of evacuation. All of it, all the loss...it is sickening. Heartbreaking. I'm really afraid because of the strength of the wind today - it's not good; I feel sure that this wind will fan the Kincade fire.

Everyone in this region or connected to it is pretty much falling apart. How long can people be strong...

[LiteraryLark]

Thank you for your supportive replies.

I'm planning on doing a lot of cleaning today. It's one of my go-to stress relievers. My mom keeps telling me, "It doesn't have to be perfect, it doesn't have to be perfect" but I know I feel better after I clean, it gets a lot of the nervous energy out.

Sometimes I'll listen to sad music. It's not my favorite thing to do because I don't like to cry, but "The House That Built Me" and "Burning House" make me bawl my eyes out.

I know I'll need to do nice things for myself. That's a difficult one for me even when nothing traumatic or overwhelming is happening. I'll think of something nice I can do.

[LiteraryLark]

Great news everyone, all my loved ones are in the clear to go home! <3 <3 <3

[lizardlady]

That's great news Lark!

[MuseumGhost]

This is so wonderful! You and yours have been on our minds since the news first broke.
Yay for good things happening...

[Lilly2]

((((safe hugs)))) LiteraryLark

I'm so sorry to hear about your family, and the stress that you feel to be strong. That's an incredible amount of pressure!

I'm also sorry to hear about you losing your house and now facing the possibility of losing your grandparent's home. Those are incredible losses, and you have every right to feel fear. Feeling fear, expressing emotion - those things don't make you any less strong. Sometimes the perseverance of strength comes from a place of communicating our fears and emotions with others. It all depends on the dynamics of those you're involved with, but sometimes communicating our feelings brings us all closer together and makes us stronger.

In another thread somewhere, there were a few posts by others and myself regarding strength being afraid but doing something anyway. Thus, strength is *not* the absence of fear, but the moving forward despite feeling afraid. It takes real courage and strength to be afraid, admit fear, and yet move forward. I see your strength in all this, and your post here. (((safe hugs)))

I will pray for you and your family. I hope and pray that your grandparent's home is spared and safe from wildfires.

My daughter and her adoptive mom lost their home and some of their belongings in a wildfire. It was really hard on them, and me, as the "bio mom," who has no contact with them other than through text about once a year (more in cases like these). I worried about their safety, their mental health, their happiness, etc. And I felt helpless with me being so far away and unable to visit them or help them in person, since I am respecting the adoptive mom's wishes for me to remain distal until both adoptive mom feels comfortable in me visiting. All I can do is hope and pray.

Hang in there! I'll read the rest of your thread to see any updates. I thought I'd read your initial post in this thread first, though.

(((safe hugs)))

[Lilly2]

Just read the update. Yay! I'm glad your grandparents' home is safe!