Checking in: how are you?

I'm terrible, but have no real reason to be. How are you?

A bit irritated. Amazing how the little things can be so enraging but it's constant acts of selfishness that get under my skin. I'm too sensitive and take things too personally!

I still have this bug flu thing. I haven't felt good all day and I haven't eaten much. I've kept everything down though which is an improvement. My legs felt like jelllo until the early afternoon and I realized it was from caffeine withdrawels. Since I had stopped cold turkey yesterday. After I had coffee the jello feeling went away. At one point I felt kinda deliuisional but I drank some Gatorlyte which helped. I guess yesterday was spent puking and stuff and today was spent resting and trying to recouperate. Hopefully tommrow things will really improve. My mom is still sick too and is being a bit crabby.

Relieved this year is almost over, as I've had an ordeal lasting since last summer finally coming to an end soon. Dread the holidays, as it's already October 1st.

And hoping/wondering if THIS check in thread moves, as there's many check in threads on here and 3 in my threads from different forums, at this point.

Low energy, probably the start of SAD, but feeling ok physically after switching up my diet and meds.

I'm actually believing that I am doing soooo goooooood. I've been having some fun with just myself and also my parents. This is so terrific because I was thinking I was having such a dull time all the time.

It's been a long day already. I'm trying to take every thought captive and all kinds of other super spiritual stuff for grumpy old women but grrrrr. I probably need a nap

I feel stressed about several situations where I’m in a no win position. Frustrated with my own lack of ability!

I had a doctors appointment today and I am so fed up with them I was begging my mom to lie to them and tell them I got sick so I couldn't make it. I finally dragged myself into the shower and made the appointment which went fine. She was really happy with my progress. Then I went out afterwards which was fine too. Now I'm at home. I literally compared cancelling a doctors appointment to calling in sick to work because of anxiety. Which is kinda weird.

I could use a bit of better but overall not bad.

I am really good spirits. Found a bunch of clothes I thought were lost forever. Really good mood.

Terrible. Had enough of everything.

My mom forced me to leave my house today since I spent all day yesterday in bed in my dark room watching the news and seeing dead bodies and stuff. I wasn't feeling good though.

Today has been ok I guess. I'm still kinda down in the dumps and I need to take a shower and do other stuff I've been putting off for a few days.

I'm okay, I guess. My partner is overseas at the moment. It's difficult without him at home.

I had a really bad day yesterday and I'm still feeling really bad today. Even after all these years (and all the medication) it still amazes me how quickly I can go from feeling somewhat ok to the depths of despair

I took a Dramimine last night. I'm not really supposed to take those with my psych meds. Especially my valiums. It worked but I've just been drowsy all day. But not nauseated at least. I think I'd be feeling good if it weren't for the drowsiness. I scored a good deal on a Smartwatch on prime day and Ebay had the Levis I've been looking for at a good price and in general today has been good. Its a nice fall day and the leaves are changing. I'm just hungover from last night.

Last night I slept over 12 hours on one melatonin and no music. I guess I was a bit hungover yesterday from the nausea med. Today I feel pretty decent and I got out of the house and got stuff done without any fatigue or much anxiety. My seasonal depression is lingering a bit though.

I went down on my meds a bit. Normally I'm one to go up on their meds. I went down on 3 of them and I feel better. But it could be other things too. Idk. But I had energy today and could function in therapy for once. I also switched the times around. Instead of 1AM-1PM its more like 9AM-2PM.

This is what I used to do prepandemic.

I’m feeling drained.

I did the same thing I did yesterday with the meds. It seems to be going ok. I slept good again. I went to the grocery store without an issue. I got food that would make my therapist happy that I was eating real food. I almost ordered coffee but I was able to fight the urges and I ordered an iced tea instead. I'm just tired right now.

I'm trying to behave good but it is difficult to move in the dark
I miss life before my father's death, i miss being a fair good person years ago... can't believe more than 8 years passed. It is a ridiculous thing to say, i have been out of my mind

Done w/ my daily tasks

Me too. Beaten to an emotional pulp.

I had an unsettling dream last night and now I'm like "give me the depression diagnosis instead of anything gynecological." 2 different doctors/providers. Nothing really related. I'm just a bit freaked out about physical therapy.

Two words - mood stabilizer. Like, how come i never knew this was an actual thing? You hear "mood swings" all the effing time, but not "mood stabilizers."

Even on Lithium I'm still having mood swings though. Admittedly I'm still on a low dose, but I'm having side effects even at a low dose. I do plan to keep taking Lithium but I guess I was kind of hoping for a miraculous response - you know how some people talk about "gamechangers" and "lifesaving" medications? I really wanted Lithium to be that for me. So far it isn't though. On the other hand, I'm glad Lithium doesn't make me feel numb or sedated. I would hate that too.

Today I feel tired. I also feel very dysfunctional. My daily routine is pretty messed up. I go to bed ridiculously late and i get up ridiculously late. I can't go to sleep until around 4.30 am and I have found it's pointless going to bed early because I just lay there. So I'm on this hugely dysfunctional sleep/wake cycle. Sleeping pills are the only things that work but my psychiatrist won't prescribe them for me on a daily basis (and I don't blame him).

Anyway, time to go out with my dogs while there's still daylight!!