Checking in: how are you?

I am feeling a little embarrassed, because I just found out that the complaint I made to the company a few days ago, well, it's the wrong company.

I was contacted by them last night requesting a telephone conversation about my experience. Turns out that the name of the company that contacted me, and the name of the company I wanted to complain about are extremely Similar, with just one word difference

Why do they have to be so awkward.. just change the name.

Tired. I tried to stay out of the house all day because social phobia and builders at home is hard but of course there are people 'out there' as well. It was a really hard day for social phobia and anxiety, I couldn't buy a sandwich or drink for lunch although I did get breakfast. Tomorrow I'm at the hospital all day for an infusion so that's a good escape from the builders and I can feign sleep :-D

I’m good. My sister took me out for an early birthday lunch. I am getting a shampoo and hair cut in an hour. Where I live now is very social, it’s a new experience after spending so much time isolated.

Literally dreading Christmas even though it's like a month and some days off. It's the dread of social expectations from family members and the pressure to like your gifts. As a person who has grown humble and not quite as materialistic over the years, learning to appreciate what's given them, I just don't like the entire idea of material and social ideas forced on those of the neurodivergent community. It can be literal hell for many of us around this time, meaning they we are not always financially stable, emotionally stressed, and so on. I will be meditating and keeping my thoughts on many of us out there who will be having rough during the holidays. Stay safe, and take care of yourselves.

I’m glad I was able to see some younger family members I haven’t seen in a while and that they seem to be okay. I also feel a little out of sorts from not following my usual routine, but it’s relatively mild and it’s probably a good thing. I also talked more than I usually do. It’s all right in the moment, but then I feel slightly uncomfortable about it later, like I was out of control.

Only had 3 hours of sleep, alarm system keeps falling off of the wall, woke me up, why is nothing letting me sleep for a few more hours is that too much to ask, to sleep for just a few more hours

What can i use to stick the alarm system to the wall that wont damage the wall

Does it have to be on the wall WT? What kind of alarm system is it?

Its one that if i go out i enter a code in, which then tells the alarm system theres no human in the house so it will go off if someone enters the house and doesnt enter the correct code to tell it its me

I dont want the girls setting it off by accident if i prop it up somewhere, i cant put it on any furniture as the hallway is too narrow for any furniture, i can barely get away with storing the car wash bucket in the hallway, its that narrow

I woke up this morning feeling not great. I tried for an hour to make things better. It didn't work. So I became a hypocrite and moved therapy to virtual. After therapy I took an hour or so nap and I woke up feeling better. Every day it seems is spent napping and chugging tylenol and anti nausea meds. I wonder how my surgeon appointment will go on Wednesday.

Doing quite well. Meds seem to be helping. I got a hair cut today. I had a panic attack at the hair dressers once and it had stopped me from going. I found a hair dresser with a small quiet salon who cuts my hair now and I am very comfortable there.

I didn't have to be anywhere today which made thing easier. Overall I had things under control with meds and avoiding stuff that would cause issues. I guess we'll just see.

email friend's in distress mode again over a photo her boyfriend and her took, not sure how she thinks i consider her to be a joke, literally just based on the fact i said i don't think her boyfriend was deliberately trying to piss her off

i'm trying to mentally work on myself, i'm not really in the best place mentally to be trying to heal and reassure her as well as working on my own healing

so i'm getting stressed

The inflammation is high, I’m about ready to make ramen noodles with my own mix of anti-inflammatory spices

Feeling a bit rushed this morning and I just finished breakfast. A friend asked me to come over and help put on a couple of extra leafs on the table for their T-Giving gathering. I'd rather him and/or his wife to do it but they are too weak and old. The leafs are a little bit heavy but I can easily handle it. Also he invited me to the gathering but I've declined.

So, in a while, I'll do my band-resistance exercises earlier than usual so that I can go over. I prefer not to but there's a little reward for it. There's going to be a bottle of Cold Duck waiting for me. He bought a bottle for me because I told him I wanted it but couldn't find it at the stores I went to. And I guess there will be other things, too, like a free lunch and maybe some odd items I could use.

I'm anticipating tomorrow and I'm not going to any gatherings. I'll just be by myself. I feel down about being alone for Thanksgiving but it's better than being with others and not having a good time; like I've done before.

Feeling a little anxious. Hoping to have finished marking exams by the end of today and enter data tomorrow. Tomorrow is a pupil free day so I have time on my side. Should be able to start some curriculum planning for next year

I'm still worried for Tigger, her limping has improved since yesterday so I'm just keeping a eye on her

I'm trying to not think of the what ifs over what it might be in both her back legs, i know what i'm fearing but saying it on here caused me to spiral pretty bad yesterday so I'm not saying it again

I was doing pretty badly this morning. Then good for a few hours. I'm starting to feel crappy again.

I feel fine at the moment.

I am dissociated af right now

I feel great; I love it when I’m just able to buckle down and get stuff done that has been hanging over my head.

Angry, mainly at myself for making effort only to be treated badly.

Yeah, there’s that cat again. I’ll be alone today too which I have been for over a decade now. It’s something I’ve gotten used to, oddly. I got a text from an acquaintance about a month ago saying she’d “love” to have me over for Thanksgiving and Christmas but I knew it was bs. Plus I never heard anything more about it like what time, etc.

Like you said it’s better to be alone than around people, faking cheerfulness and joy of the holidays. And trying to make conversation. After the year I had, I’m running on empty. And I can’t drive at night and definitely don’t want to be out at night alone anyway.

I actually thought about you and others on this site who would get it.

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Posted directly on site using iPhone

No matter what happens to us when we die, I'm not afraid.

The only thing about death that I worry about is Willow dying in a rescue cage, if anything happened to me.

I'm ready to die.

I have not done anything to myself, before any panic buttons get pressed.

I ate small stuff throughout the day so I wasn't in a ton of pain. But I ate Thanksgiving food so it wasn't like I was depriving myself. And I had Thanksgiving stuff and reality TV on all day instead of the news. So my anxiety was ok too. I'm a bit down in the dumps but I seem to be taking better care of myself today then I had been before. If there was one year to stay home for Thanksgiving instead of traveling, this was the year.

I tested positive for covid this morning so I had to stay in with the stupid building work all day. We're gradually getting facilities back so it's more tolerable but dealing with people is hard for me. Now it's weekend and I'll just have to see if I'm still sick next week or not. This is my first covid, surprisingly.