Tech Support for life (long)

Tech Support for Life
By Freddy Wayne

<font color="blue"> Support </font> Hello, this is Kelly. How may I help you?
<font color="green">Caller </font> I can’t open this Smucker’s jar. I’ve tried running it under hot water and it still won’t budge.

<font color="blue"> Support </font> I understand you are having trouble opening a jar of preserves. Is that correct?
<font color="green">Caller </font> Yes, I just told you

<font color="blue"> Support </font> Can you tell me the flavor of the preserves as well as its UPC code? You can find the UPC code on the label on the back of the jar.
<font color="green">Caller </font> Strawberry and…let me see …6359321415565

<font color="blue"> Support </font> Thank you. Do you mind if I take a few minutes to search for that information?
<font color="green">Caller </font> : Fine

<font color="red"> Five minutes later </font>

<font color="blue"> Support </font> Thank you for waiting. Here are the recommended steps: 1. Turn on the hot water in the kitchen sink. 2. Run the metal lid under the hot water. 3. Turn off the hot water and dry the jar and lid with a dishrag. 4. Using the dishrag, twist the lid counterclockwise to open the jar.
<font color="green">Caller </font> Have you been listening to anything I’ve said? I already tried running it under hot water!

<font color="blue"> Support </font> It sounds like you have already tried the above steps. Is that correct?
<font color="green">Caller </font> Yes. Can I talk to your supervisor?

<font color="blue"> Support </font> I’m sorry you were displeased with my help. Please hold while I search for someone else to handle your issue.

<font color="red"> Five minutes later </font>

<font color="blue"> Support </font> Hello, this is Roger. How may I help?
<font color="green">Caller </font> Hi. I was just on with someone – I think her name was Kelly – and I was telling her how I couldn’t open this Smucker’s jar. It’s strawberry, if that helps.

<font color="blue"> Support </font> Thank you for the information. Can you tell me its UPC code? You can find the UPC code on the label on the back of the jar
<font color="green">Caller </font> I told her that also. Can’t you look it up on your system or something?

<font color="blue"> Support </font> Do you mind if I take a few minutes to search for that information?
<font color="green">Caller </font> You know what? Forget it, I’m just opening this thing to make a sandwich for my husband, and I’m not even sure I want to do it in the first place.

<font color="blue"> Support </font> What seems to be the problem exactly”
b] <font color="green">Caller </font> [/b] He can’t do anything for himself! If it’s not “Pauline, can you make me a sandwich?” It’s “Pauline, can you iron my shirt?” or “Pauline, can you water my exotic-plant collection?” Sometimes I want to say, “Water your own Tillandsia roseospicata.” You know?

<font color="blue"> Support </font> Can you tell me your husband’s name and age? His age can be found on his driver’s license.
b] <font color="green">Caller </font> [/b] Harry and he’s 43

<font color="blue"> Support </font> Do you mind if I take a few minutes to search for that information?
b] <font color="green">Caller </font> [/b] Take as much time as you need. I already ate.

<font color="red"> Five minutes later </font>

<font color="blue"> Support </font> Thank you for waiting. Here are the recommended steps: 1: Tell you husband you are his wife, not his servant. 2. Remind him that a 43-year-old man can fix his own sandwich.
b] <font color="green">Caller </font> [/b] Thanks. I’ll do that.

<font color="red"> Five minutes later </font>

<font color="blue"> Support </font> Hello, this is Wendy. How may I help you?
b] <font color="green">Caller </font> [/b] Hi, this is Harry. Do you handsandwiches?

<font color="blue"> Support </font> Yes
b] <font color="green">Caller </font> [/b] Great. How about marriage counseling