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#1
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It seems I should know by now how to get off meds, but I constantly run back to them when I feel bad and out of control. I have tried to quit at least 5 times, this seems to be a recurring theme in my life... Quit something realize I need it and run back. At this point I don't even remember if I truly needed meds, it was an impulsive decision I made when presented with the question, " Are you depressed?" from a general practitioner and he asked everyone this question surely there was something in it for him, but now everytime I get close to being off of them my mind is so clouded with the missing medication that I don't remember how I felt with out them. In it self coming off of medicine is exciting, there is a sweet spot that I hit everytime... I guess it would be mania... Where everything seems great and mystical, I can feel God, I can feel that I am going to be great I am going to succeed and a feeling of euphoria persists nearly constantly, but this ends and leads back to depression. Self loathing, thoughts of self harm, angry outburts, hatred for everything, and an overall lousy feeling. I am not sure if everyone has the same cycle as I do, but I feel that everyone should be warned and educated more on these medications before taking them. What I would like to know is if this is common pattern for withdrawal or is it a sign of underlying illness beyond just withdrawing? I have been diagnosed major depression, bipolar 2, OCD, generalized anxiety, borderline personality disorder, and who knows what else with out informing me.
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#2
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#3
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So basically I have realized that I am in denial. The reason I stop my medication is because I am is that my mood is climbing toward a full blown manic phase and since I wasn't on a mood stabilizer it goes uninhibited thus I feel good and indestructible, no need for meds. It gets further exasperated once I mess with my dosage of ssri. Luckily this time I didn't do anything I will regret, I was very focused on God and I did have a lot of wild thoughts and grandiose thinking and did make some odd posts on facebook, but in the past I bought and traded cars, accumulated music instruments, made other risky decisions. I think anyone thinking about coming off of medication like myself really needs to think about the under lying drive and consequences. Noone wants to be on meds but sometimes we need them.
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#4
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I have a brother who occasionally goes through that very same cycle for the same reason you have mentioned, and now I wish I had realized that while posting the first time. Nevertheless, it is good to know you now know, and maybe your own posts here will help if you might ever need a reminder!
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