[Christina86]

Today I said goodbye to my oldest rattie, Miles. The first rat I ever owned, and the first one who showed me what unconditional love and acceptance were all about. He also taught me a lot about companionship and quiet strength. I love you, Mr. Fuzzbutt McRat. You were the biggest rat I ever have known at 700+ grams, and you looked like a sewer rat - but you were loved by many.

He was old. He was really old. He got older after I had to put down his 'brother' two weeks ago today, he just went downhill. I wonder if he was just waiting until Allan was gone because I knew Miles was getting older but he still acted fine. Until Allan was gone anyways. Maybe he died slowly from his heart being broken and from loneliness. I had to separate him and his other brother James because James was picking on him, tore him up pretty bad. No hard feelings towards James, since it is survival of the fittest in the wild, and Miles would have been gone a long time ago.

Miles back legs failed. His lower half was completely paralyzed. His back feet had skin peeling off because he was dragging himself everywhere. He was in enough pain to protest when he was picked up and cleaned up or when I touched his feet. His pain meds weren't helping. I've been cleaning him daily, since he couldn't clean himself ... it was hard. Urine burns the skin, and he was getting a rash. The past few days he barely moved at all, but he would eat and protest being bathed. He was still a happy little rat though or at least acted like it. Boggling today at the vet at me, as I was holding him for the last time. It was the hardest decision ever to decide to have him put to sleep, but the vet saw him and said I was making the right decision. So I feel better about that.

The vet was very nice to me, let me make the decision to have him gassed and then injected into his heart so I know he went a lot less painfully. I was there, but unlike with Allan I really couldn't watch the procedure. It would have made me a bit more sick to my stomach.

I didn't take home his body with me (nowhere to bury him) and I didn't ask to keep his ashes. He's going to be cremated by the vet, and his ashes added to a communal urn of all of those animals who've passed on to the world beyond this one. Which I do believe there is.

Oh GOD it hurts. so. freaking. much.

It hurts doubly more, losing two rats within exactly two weeks from each other. I know they were very happy together so maybe this just had to be the way it was. I never knew how much pain you could feel... I feel numb. I feel angry. I feel sad. I feel lost. It's like part of me has died. I hate grief.

I don't know how I'm going to deal with only having a solitary rat and a bunny rabbit now. I love them both, but a large portion of my life lately has revolved around my two oldest furry children and now they're gone.

<3 <3 <3 RIP Miles, I love you and always will. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you keep me happy when skies are grey, you'll never know dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away.
But my sunshine is gone now. This sucks.

[Cthomas]

Christina...I am SO very sorry!!!! Losing our pets is so hard. They are our children. That must have been so hard for you. I hope you can find peace soon

Hugs to you my friend
Colleen

[Hunny]

(((((((((( Christina Miles ))))))))))))

I think I have an inkling of how much he means to you and always will. Take some time and take good care.

[Sabrina]

Oh shame, and so soon after Allan. I am so sorry for your loss Christina.

[eskielover]

I am so sorry Christina. I just saw your post, or I would have replied sooner.

I know the pain of loosing two babies so close together. Not even ending the grief of one before the next one hit. You indicated at the time that he wasn't looking well, sometimes they can have a mild stroke that paralyzes them like that. I have seen that happen before. He was a very lucky rattie to have you for his mommie to take care of him when he was not well. Not many ratties have good mommies that would care that much.

I know that special bond between little rats & people that are willing to give rats a chance.....as they are very special loving critters that go beyond what words can really describe.

My heart feels your pain. When I was 21, I lost the cat I had from the age of 5 & the next week, I lost my rat (Flower). It was a blow that took me forever to get over. It was just after I met the guy I ended up getting married to & he thought I was crazy to have such feelings for my pets being my babies.....he soon learned to love our 4 legged babies too though as he had never had any pets growing up. That lack of having to care for & give of yourself completely is something that everyone needs to experience even though there is pain with the loss, the wonderful memories of the love between them & us, is worth every minute of the grief, knowing that we gave them the unconditional love that they deserve to have & that many other 4 legged babies don't get that kind of opportunity has always made me feel how important it is to give them the good home & my love.

Praying for your peace & wonderful memories to hold onto.

[(JD)]

I'm so sorry, and sad with you.

It isn't so much the pet, the size, etc. It's the unconditional love and enjoyment a pet gives us.

[Christina86]

Thank you all a whole lot.

I'm still ... numb? that I've lost two boys. I mean, I KNOW they're gone, but I can't seem to cry much for Miles since I cried too much for Allan. Which makes me feel crappy, but my mind/heart is so ... dead, broken, something...

Grief is too complicated of an emotion.



It hurts to see all of the rat carriers/food and the large cage which now holds a solitary rat, their youngest "brother" James. I know that rats should never ever be kept alone (they are social creatures after all and need their own kind) ... but sometimes with more aggressive/territorial rats, it's needed. James isn't exactly the nicest boy with other rats, he tends to hoard food, and he beat up his older brothers and I had to separate Miles & James for the last week before Miles was PTS because I found wounds all over his body from James. Not impressed.

And I know it's selfish, but I can't see myself owning another cute rattie with a ridiculously short lifespan - and they cost a LOT in vet bills, holy moley! James is just over a year old, and they usually live 18 months - 3 years, so I'm thinking he'll just be a solitary rat unless another rat miraculously appears in my life. And is the same age or older.

This is too hard.

Oh christina...

I didnt see this until now. I hope that I didn't trigger you on fb by tagging the picture of my new hammie with you looking for a name. I did not even consider that and if i upset you I AM SORRY.

Two in two. Thats a big blow. Geesh.

One day at a time. If you would Like to send me some pictures I could make a mini digital scrapbook of them for you. Let me know <3

[Christina86]

Originally Posted by Rainbowzz

Oh christina...

I didnt see this until now. I hope that I didn't trigger you on fb by tagging the picture of my new hammie with you looking for a name. I did not even consider that and if i upset you I AM SORRY.

Two in two. Thats a big blow. Geesh.

One day at a time. If you would Like to send me some pictures I could make a mini digital scrapbook of them for you. Let me know <3

Oh dear one, not upset at all. It's a cutie. I untagged myself and couldnt think of a good name, lol! (I petsat a hamster. I decided to call it FluffyButt, then it went to something else, and now it's officially called Cuddles... I'm happy to not have another furball at the moment )

I've got some pictures on Facebook, and also in Pets I put a few if you're so inclined.

Okay. will do!