[lizardlady]

I know life isn't fair. I hate to hear other people whine about "it's not fair." But there's a situation at work that's bugging me.

Last year when my mother was dying and after her death my co-workers did their best to make my life miserable. They even called my boss to complain about me being out of the office right after Mom died. Their lack of support and compassion still blows my mind.

My current boss' husband is dying of bone cancer. The self same people who made my life miserable are falling over themselves to be supportive of her. My heart goes out to my boss and her family. The loss of a family member is not something I would wish on anyone.

BUT.... it burns my butt that they are treating her so well and treated me so badly. Sometimes I think I'm being petty, but most of the time I don't. It hurts to see them fawn over her when they didn't even come to Mom's memorial service.

[Christina86]

I'm sorry for your loss, I've never experienced the loss of a parent yet but I'd imagine it would be freaking impossibly difficult.

Your co-workers need a swift kick, perhaps they were bitter/resentful of you in some aspect of your work?

And they're now sucking up to the boss and trying to earn brownie points in some sick way. I'm sorry for your boss and her husband though.

You are not being petty, you're experiencing a valid grief/grievance against their poor treatment of you and their lack of compassion. I'm sorry.

[blanche]

It isn't fair at all. Although we can't expect people to treat grieving people any differently, if compassion does not make us human; what does? I became irritated with many people after my fiance's death. After eight months, I am finally letting some of that go. I can not change jerky, insensitive people nor do I want to make the effort to try. But that doesn't mean I won't offer comfort and support if they need it someday.

[NuckingFutz]

I may be one of those jerky people, or at least I feel like one. My old neighbor found out she had stage IV bone cancer and was there for her but the week she had to move to a nursing home I had a family issue I needed to take care of. Came back, things are good. Then she texts me and I tell her I already told her I had to be away. Then she tells me not to contact her anymore.

[blanche]

I hardly think you are a "jerky person"; jerky people don't admit they have been insensitive let alone realize they have done anything wrong! None of us, whether we are grieving, ill, or healthy, can expect others to tend to our every need. We all have different schedules and lead different lives. It is those that are callous when they know that someone needs support that I have problems with. There is nothing wrong with taking care of one's own needs but there is always time for reaching out to other people. I was my fiance's full-time caregiver before he died and it was important that I took time for myself. I didn't feel jerky about it, in fact it made me a better caregiver.

[AAAAA]

(((LizardLady))) I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t think people can understand what the loss of a parent is until they experience it for themselves. I wasn’t prepared, nor could I have predicted how much it would absolutely destroy me. I’d lost loved ones before, but nothing prepared me for the loss of my father.

Before going through it I could comprehend the loss associated with a spouse or a child. These things are unnatural. If you would have tried to explain it to me before it happened, there’s no way I would have believed it.

Perhaps they just don’t get it, and God Bless them that they haven’t had that type of loss.

[Fresia]

I am so sorry for your loss and for their lack of compassion. I can understand why you'd be feeling this way. I do know that their are others who do understand and send you the best of wishes to help you during this time.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Hi Lizardlady.

When my aunt died, I was in a treatment program last year and they did not bat an eye or offer me any comfort whatsoever. When I asked for it in any way, they told me to buck up and be strong; got this impression they had no time to deal with me.

They seemed to treat other grievers differently.

It made me mad, too and really hurt a lot.

Last fall, right after my birthday, they KNEW it was my first bday without my aunt and completely ignored me.

I left.

ty for sharing your story.

Life isn't fair, I know.

It sure isn't.

Billi

[lizardlady]

Originally Posted by Christina86

I'm sorry for your loss, I've never experienced the loss of a parent yet but I'd imagine it would be freaking impossibly difficult.

Your co-workers need a swift kick, perhaps they were bitter/resentful of you in some aspect of your work?

And they're now sucking up to the boss and trying to earn brownie points in some sick way. I'm sorry for your boss and her husband though.

You are not being petty, you're experiencing a valid grief/grievance against their poor treatment of you and their lack of compassion. I'm sorry.

They all were resentful toward me related to work, but heck if I know why.

Thanks for your compassion.

[lizardlady]

Originally Posted by blanche

It isn't fair at all. Although we can't expect people to treat grieving people any differently, if compassion does not make us human; what does? I became irritated with many people after my fiance's death. After eight months, I am finally letting some of that go. I can not change jerky, insensitive people nor do I want to make the effort to try. But that doesn't mean I won't offer comfort and support if they need it someday.

Didn't realize until I read your reply that I've been holding on to the hurt when they were not supportive when Mom died. Not sure I'm ready to let go of it yet. You're right though. We can't change jerks.

[lizardlady]

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

I may be one of those jerky people, or at least I feel like one. My old neighbor found out she had stage IV bone cancer and was there for her but the week she had to move to a nursing home I had a family issue I needed to take care of. Came back, things are good. Then she texts me and I tell her I already told her I had to be away. Then she tells me not to contact her anymore.

NF, I don't think you are a jerk. You told her you were going to be gone. Perhaps the cancer is affecting her memory? I have a friend with stage 4 cancer who goes off on people for what she considers a slight, when it's really that she doesn't remember they did call/come by.

By the way I LOVE your username!

[lizardlady]

Originally Posted by AAAAA

(((LizardLady))) I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t think people can understand what the loss of a parent is until they experience it for themselves. I wasn’t prepared, nor could I have predicted how much it would absolutely destroy me. I’d lost loved ones before, but nothing prepared me for the loss of my father.

Before going through it I could comprehend the loss associated with a spouse or a child. These things are unnatural. If you would have tried to explain it to me before it happened, there’s no way I would have believed it.

Perhaps they just don’t get it, and God Bless them that they haven’t had that type of loss.

Man did you hit it on the head about not being prepared. I knew well in advance that Mom was terminal. I've lost more people in my life than I want to list. I thought I knew how it would hurt. I thought I was ready for it. Boy howdy was I wrong! She died in September last year and it stills hurts like it was yesterday. Thanks for understanding

[lizardlady]

Originally Posted by Fresia

I am so sorry for your loss and for their lack of compassion. I can understand why you'd be feeling this way. I do know that their are others who do understand and send you the best of wishes to help you during this time.

Thanks Fresia.

[lizardlady]

Originally Posted by billi_leli

Hi Lizardlady.

When my aunt died, I was in a treatment program last year and they did not bat an eye or offer me any comfort whatsoever. When I asked for it in any way, they told me to buck up and be strong; got this impression they had no time to deal with me.

They seemed to treat other grievers differently.

It made me mad, too and really hurt a lot.

Last fall, right after my birthday, they KNEW it was my first bday without my aunt and completely ignored me.

I left.

ty for sharing your story.

Life isn't fair, I know.

It sure isn't.

Billi

You were in a treatment program and the staff didn't offer you support?!?!?! What's the matter with them? I'm sorry this happened to you.