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  #1  
Old Sep 13, 2010, 12:49 AM
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AAAAA AAAAA is offline
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Location: Midwest
Posts: 5,042
Yesterday was the anniversary of my father's death. This year I have the added bonus of excessive hormones.

I hate not being able to trust my thoughts and emotions. I hate being a raw nerve. Everything is exaggerated. I have been telling myself if I can just get through this day tomorrow will be better. It is tomorrow and all of those feelings did not magically disappear, I knew they wouldn't, but I still hoped.

I knew I would deal with the loss for the rest of my life, I just didn't realize I would grieve to this degree forever. It has been five years now. I am thankful that it is only the month of September that cripples me, but I still haven't learned how to deal with September.

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  #2  
Old Sep 13, 2010, 04:26 AM
Anonymous29402
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21 years for me and it still hurts like hell if I think about him, I try to shut him out of my thoughts for me this works although does feel a bit disloyal ...

to you I know your pain.
  #3  
Old Sep 13, 2010, 06:34 AM
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AAAAA AAAAA is offline
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I understand what you mean about shutting it out. I can do that 11 months out of the year, I think of him still several times a week but the loss I am able to keep that at bay. September really sucks. His birthday was on the 8th, he died on the 12th and was buried on my mother's birthday the 15th. It is the one time of the year that I cannot lock it away.

I think this is coping, I do not think it disloyal at all. Thanks for being there. Brian's been trying to comfort me from a distance all week. He knows that I wouldn't be able to deal with it out in the open, so he's been extra kind, caring and sweet knowing I am having a hard time. But at the same time pretending he know doesn't the battle I'm fighting now.
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  #4  
Old Sep 13, 2010, 12:23 PM
Anonymous29402
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Hugs to you I wish I could find words that would give you comfort.
  #5  
Old Sep 13, 2010, 01:26 PM
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lynn P. lynn P. is offline
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Location: Ontario, Canada
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((AAAAA)) - so sorry this is a sad time of year for you. The only thing I can think of to say is - your father wouldn't want you to be sad. I hope one day, the storm clouds of grief will part and you'll be able to feel comfort from the memories he gave you.
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Thanks for this!
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  #6  
Old Sep 13, 2010, 03:35 PM
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sundog sundog is offline
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Location: San Francisco Bay Area, California
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I'm really sorry too that this is such a difficult time of year for you. I lost my Dad several years ago and I know just how painful those anniversaries are. I hope that the end of September comes quickly for you
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