[bebop]

As some of you know my dad is dying. He was diagnosed in March with bone marrow cancer. I have gone thru every senario in my mind down to his funeral. morbid I know but dang I can't seem to stop it. I have mostly been off pc since I found out. I know his time is very short so things are going faster in my mind. I have grieved so much already and I know what is coming too. I can't seem to pull myself out of this muck right now. Please keep him and my family in your prayers.

[lynn P.]

(((Bebop and Father))) - I'm so sorry you're going through this difficult time. I pray God will give you and your family the strength to weather this storm.

I know what you mean about double grieving. When my mother had her last severe stroke - she lived disabled for another 7 yrs. I grieved the loss of my strong mother and then grieved again when she died.

[angel12]

Prayers for your dad and you xxxx
angel
so sorry you are going through this
angel

[AAAAA]

(((Bebop and family))) strength and peace to you and yours.

[KathyM]

(((bebop))) I know how much your dad means to you, and I know how hard it is to lose a great dad. You, your dad, and your family are in my prayers.

[bebop]

thank you everyone. I use to think it was best to know before someone passes but I am so over that now. I know people have things they need to say to loved ones but honestly there isn't more I could say to Dad that I haven't said all my life. He knows how much I love him and admire him and how very proud I am to be his daughter. All I can do now is wait and continue to love him. It just stinks to have to sit by and do nothing. I hate cancer!

[Sabrina]

I am so sorry. I will keep you in my thoughts.

[notz]

(((((((((((((bebop)))))))))))))

When they told us my mom didn't have but a day, at most - I grieved uncontrollably. She managed to survive that episode and live for 2 more years, then she did die. She had emphysema.

I grieved the first time and it was very hard to take. All through her illness, it was grief, hers included. She was scared, we were scared with and for her. Finally, she just gave up. The struggle overcame her and she just slipped to the other side.

We grieved again. Different? Yes. Hard? Yes again.

One thing an elderly friend told me was: Stand proud, you've loved your mother to her resting place. This is what children do. Do it, live it and carry it with you all your life. Experience all that happens and keep it in your heart.

I broke into tears but it helped - still does. Thinking of you.

[paddym22]

((((Bebop))))) Your message has brought tears to my eyes and I share in your grief. My Dad who I adored and still do died 5 years ago after a greulling battle with cancer and although it was a blessing for him to pass away and be free of all the suffering, selfishly I didnt and couldnt accept it. Be wiith him as much sa you can now becasue the memories you will cherish in time to come. I send you all my love and friendship. Why do bad things happen to good people, I ask myself all the time and I have yet to come up with an answer.

In my thoughts and prayers

Paddy

[bluegirl...?]

((((bebop))))
sorry for you and your father xxxx

love to you bothe ,
bluegirl...?

[bebop]

thanks notz. I am sorry for your loss too.

paddy I am sorry hon. my dad and I are extremely close. I spend as much time as I can with him. we share so many good memories together. I hate seeing him suffer. although he doesn't really have alot of pain I know the weakness is making him suffer. thanks for being my friend!

[EJ711]

(((Bee and Dad)))

When I was watching over my parents in their golden years, I realized that not planning their furneral would not keep them here. I wound up pre-planning and paying, and it took a huge load off of me later on. Just a thought.

EJ

[Muser]

There are so many good comments I could just hug you all

I too rehearsed all the details in my head. Maybe it's a defense that we hope it will make what's coming less painful...I don't know.

When you loose a parent it changes the whole family dynamic. There's a shift in the order of things. What was hardest for me was the potential that was lost. No more memories to be made. And I would get mad because most of my friends still had there parents.

I miss the look in my Mom's eyes that said "I will love you no matter what."

My heart goes out to you

[eskielover]

(((((Bebop & Dad & Family))))),

I know how difficult it is to go through this as I like Paddy went through it 5 years ago with my Mother. The one thing you can be is very proud of your Dad that he isn't in denial & that he's open to the reality of his condition. I know how difficult it is to know ahead what the final outcome will be (in God's own time), but I struggles knowing in my heart & mind what was going on with my Mother but having to play her denial game with her until the end. I wish I could have shared the whole reality of life with her, but I'm guessing that she really wasn't a strong enough person to handle the reality of her situation even though she indicated to her pastor that she was, she just never talked about anything of any consequence when she was around me...it was like a huge hole was left there. Definitely something I wouldn't do to my daughter. It is so wonderful that you are able to have the quality time with your Dad & be able to share feelings together......something you will always value & never regret.

Many gentle hugs & prayers for God to provide His strength for you & your family & your father.
Debbie

[Yoda]

(((((bebop)))))

[sabby]

(((((((((((((((((((( bebop and dad )))))))))))))))))))))))

I completely understand where you are coming from hon. I went through the same thing when my mom passed in 1981 from brain cancer. We grieved with the dx, we grieved with the surgery, we grieved through the radiation that did absolutely nothing to help. Then we grieved when she slipped away.

Yes, they are different types of grieving but they hurt none the less. There is just no easy way to go through these things. But, I agree wholeheartedly with (((((((( EJ )))))))))), preplanning my mom's funeral was the best gift I could give her and myself as well. There are so many things that we have to do and trying to figure out all of that at a time when you're not thinking clearly is so very difficult. I actually got a sign from my mom, who at the time was not able to speak and didn't seem to be very "with it" about a week before she passed that it was getting closer. I won't go into what that sign was because this is your thread, not mine. Needless to say, it propelled me into planning everything that night. It was a huge weight off my shoulders.

Now, maybe this is already done and I truly hope it is. Just know that I understand how hard it is to celebrate the life he has left right now when grieving for the inevitable in a short time.

You're both in my thoughts and prayers my friend!

[bebop]

sabby thanks hon. please share! I don't care that this is "my" thread....geesh woman lol. seriously feel free to share it. by sign I am assuming you mean physical signs? or signal from her?

[Forget-me-not]

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this.



I lost my dad 18 months ago to acute myeloid leukemia. His health deteriorated suddenly, in under 3 months, before my sisters and I took him to the ER. He was in the hospital for 2 months, and received some chemo; it was terminal, and the only thing that they could do to help was give him blood transfusions to up his cell counts (which failed to respond to the drugs that are meant to do just that). He decided to stop any further treatment. Three weeks later, he passed away. So, at age 25, I was parentless.

To see him deteriorate, to see him suffer... Right now, all I can think of is watching my dad go through this... I'm not sure what else to say, other than my heart goes out to you and your family right now. It's not easy, and it hurts like hell.

[bebop]

thanks forgetmenot. they are afraid my dad will go into aml. right now he is holding his own and doing ok. this stuff is so up and down. he turned 81 on Saturday.

[Crew]

wow bebop I am so sorry you are going through this. I pray that yourdad isn't in too much a pain. I pray for you for strength and guidence(sp?)

If you need anything...please ask.

Your in our prayers and we think of you often......

Remember to give yourself those breaks, right?

Crew

[sunsetsunrise]

(((( bebop and dad )))) ((( all who have written words of pain of loss )))
Bless your hearts. I dont know what more to say. Losing loved ones to illness is unthinkable. and yet it happens. I hope your dad's pain is not great. Sending light to you, your dad and all who have written of loss

[bebop]

over the last couple of weeks I have seen a change in Dad. Not good. Yesterday my nephews and families were there from out of town. I had to listen to Dad tell them he has felt his body change and that he would probably never see them on this earth again. I see the changes in him also but I am with him more than other family members. I don't think it will be long now. Not sure how I am going to make it thru it. I hate cancer!

[eskielover]

(((((Bebop))))),

My heart is feeling your pain, knowing how you are feeling. Praying for God to give you strength & feeling His love through all of this.

I know how difficult this is to go through.....in some ways it's better that your Father isn't in denial of his situation so that stress isn't piled on top of the emotions that come with knowing that you are loosing your Dad.

Know my prayers & love are with you & your Dad & your family,

Debbie

[Muser]

((((bebop))))

.....Wishing there was something comforting to say but you have faced this head on. Please know we care

[bebop]

Debbie thanks hon. I think the only thing harder I have gone thru is losing my granddaughter. I really have prayed and tried to be strong and prepared but as we say in the south.."it ain't happening"

muse thank you for your kind supportive words! means alot!