aunt's loss still makes me feel crazy

Hello.

Today, my friend reminded me that I am not over my aunt's death.

Yes, things are a little better; it's been 2 years now.

But I am still ill a lot and still feel empty and lost.

I also feel an anticipatory loss---my roommate may be dying now and I don't know what's going to happen to myself and my husband; we cannot afford a place together. I can sense Bruce fading away before my eyes. He is so tired and so out of it. He told me he was "depressed", but he's been depressed before and not this messed up.

I still feel pretty crazy missing a woman who abused me because she resented my being born. But I do.

I wish I had the right words, too, to say how much I relate to others' grief here, too, even though your stories are not exactly like mine.

Billi

I feel lonely when people dont' respond.

Hi Billi,

Losing your aunt and anticipating the loss of your roommate, along with your economic situation, are such stressful situations. I can certainly understand why you are feeling down. I lost my mother 3 years ago and I am still struggling with my grief. I also felt so alone and lost after her death. As for wondering why you are missing your aunt who was not that nice to you (it seems), it is an honest reaction from your innermost self. If you want to you can always dig deeper to try to figure out why.

I'm glad you said you are feeling slightly better now. It takes time to work through grief and sometimes it is intertwined with other issues. Reaching out like you have is a wonderful start. I hope you will continue to try. Do continue to post if you need to vent. Well, all the best to you on your journey - Terry

In my Reiki therapy, I discovered that I was not seeing something.

That something is that I missed my aunt.

The idea though is still repugnant to me.

But it's something I have to face, I guess.

Skeleton in the closet. lol

thanks, terry.

Billi

Hi Billi-It sounds like you are getting close to finding out why you are in a dilemma over your aunt's death. Keep going. You will understand one day, if you don't already.

I definitely faced that skeleton early this morning.

Ugh.

I cried in my sleep. I called out her name.

I am affected by her passing.

I just don't want to miss her.

I don't even want to deal with her!

But I am still haunted.

Someone counseled me recently that I didn't have to miss her and I told her it was not that simple.

Billi