Remembering

Me and my sister were talking about my mom's jewelry and everything. Then she said how she had put her mother's ring on her...and there I was, back in the funeral parlor...staring down at my mother's cold body, eyes closed, hands folded...wearing her tan dress that she loved. There were so many memoirs from the family in the casket...jewelry, her favorite flowers, a heart shaped gemstone, my pic of us 3 kids when we were younger, everything.

As tears roll down my face, I can see everything. I don't want to see anymore, I don't want to remember anymore. I want it all gone and I want her back. Why does the pain have to go on? I know in time my wounds will heal, but I wish it would heal quickly. But the fact of the matter is it takes forever for me to heal...c'mon, I'm still healing from her betrayal of me when I was little.

I feel guilty for not forgiving her till she got sick. She went to the grave thinking I hated her and that I would never forgive her.

I understand, Lexicon... I really do

my dad died without ever telling my brother that he loved him. you were doing the best you could do, at the time, and so was my dad. please don't let yourself get too down over this. xoxoxo pat