[backandforth]

ugh. I am reading this chapter on death and dying for one of my classes and it is sooooo hard. I hate death. I suck at dealing with it. It brings up so many bad memories of people I have known that have died.... cancer, car accident, suicide..... I usually just don't let myself think of it, I don't know how else to cope. I kind of shove it out of my mind. But it's so hard.

I always think I'm "over" things, but then something reminds me of one of the people... I don't understand why I've had to deal w/ so many people dying, I know everyone has to and some are probably way worse off.... I know. but that's exactly why I try to be "okay" and "be strong" and in the end I feel stupid even talking about this... being upset about it. I HATE READING THIS CHAPTER. they say it makes you think of your own mortality... well then, I guess that could explain part of why this is so difficult... I definitely have my struggles w/ that (too much to explain, no time...).

[Lexicon78]

I really do not blame you! I am one of those who have trouble grieving over things, too. I don't know if it's me questioning my own mortality. I think mine's more selfishness of wanting the people who have passed to be with me forever. I wouldn't say I'm afraid to die, since I often welcome the invitation sometimes.

It seems like when we think we're over something the most, something occurs when we realize we haven't even begun to be over it! I really do hate that part.