[Sanada]

Its my birthday coming up.
My best friend thought it would not ruin my birthday by commiting suicide on my birthday. (29.7. 1970). or sui= (5.8.2002).

So he waited till 1 weeek after my birthday to do it.

What do i do, it haunts me like a ghost.

If any wants more on this post, look @ 'Trigger warning R.I.P', in grief and loss.

He thought it would not ruin my (never mind), birthday, but my life. I hold extreem politics of sui, there being so many in my life.

What, what anybody.................telll me what do i think.....Coward....cheat.....sinner........dropout...

I'm the one left holding the keys.

Help please.

[Christina86]

((((((((sanada)))))))) do you have anyone to talk to about this, or any sort of supports you can depend on the closer it gets to your birthday or this anniversary? Something you can do to keep yourself safe, not that you can take your mind off of it - but something good you can do for yourself?

I'm sorry about your friend.

[Sanada]

Originally Posted by Christina86

((((((((sanada)))))))) do you have anyone to talk to about this, or any sort of supports you can depend on the closer it gets to your birthday or this anniversary? Something you can do to keep yourself safe, not that you can take your mind off of it - but something good you can do for yourself?

I'm sorry about your friend.

i do kinda have a person to talk about it but they are my T.
No friends to talk about it to, plus nobody wants to know (to dark for them).

I'll just have to do what i been doing for years now, trying (with failure), to forget.

Thanks for the reply.

[SoupDragon]

Hi Sanada - I have experienced dark times and what I now realise is that at those times I am just not thinking straight - so for me although people that are left behind may suffer great pain, the person themselves was not a coward, they were jsut really unwell and could think of no other way of stopping their pain. In the UK there are specialist bereavement charities that can offer professional support, I wonder if there are similar where you are? Maybe it is not trying to forget about it that is important, but to talk about it.

Take care Sanada.

[Sanada]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

Hi Sanada - I have experienced dark times and what I now realise is that at those times I am just not thinking straight - so for me although people that are left behind may suffer great pain, the person themselves was not a coward, they were jsut really unwell and could think of no other way of stopping their pain. In the UK there are specialist bereavement charities that can offer professional support, I wonder if there are similar where you are? Maybe it is not trying to forget about it that is important, but to talk about it.

Take care Sanada.

thanks soup dragon. I know i dont think the worst of anyone who does that (least of all coward). I guess its my own anger at dealing with it. I do not mean to offend anyone, its just the response i get from others. Every body has an opinion of what happened, i just miss him i guess.

In the UK there are charities to help deal with it, but i feel i need to face it alone, appart from coming here to get advice and help. PC has helped i more ways than one, it has helped in ways i could not imagine (thanks PC).

I like to think as PC as my support network when i need it, i have my T and Doc, but its not the same, and when @ 3am and i need to talk my T is in bed. Its always late and after i see a T when i find what i wanted to say in an appt.

Thanks for the reply.
Take Care.
Sanada

[lastyearisblank]

So sorry for your loss, Sanada.

[specialeffects]

Originally Posted by Sanada

Its my birthday coming up.
My best friend thought it would not ruin my birthday by commiting suicide on my birthday. (29.7. 1970). or sui= (5.8.2002).

So he waited till 1 weeek after my birthday to do it.

What do i do, it haunts me like a ghost.

If any wants more on this post, look @ 'Trigger warning R.I.P', in grief and loss.

He thought it would not ruin my (never mind), birthday, but my life. I hold extreem politics of sui, there being so many in my life.

What, what anybody.................telll me what do i think.....Coward....cheat.....sinner........dropout...

I'm the one left holding the keys.

Help please.

.
Sanada,
Not sure what August has for season change where you are at. I would venture to guess that it may bring some colors to the foilage, a briskness in the air, and maybe even some wind, that you might find yourself turning your back to, if not to just bear the sudden chill.
As like the changing of the seasons?,we have no control. Except to adjust the thermostat, and bring what comfort to ourselfs we find managable.
So very sorry for the losses that bring you such grief.
But you Sanada?, { I should not express this, for it may come off wrong }, But You Sanada, can light those candles on Your Birthday cake, in both memory, and like the changing of the seasons, where something ends, another season brings all anew.
And what those "keys" represent symbolically, may just, in time, turn a lock {in your heart?} and allow you to walk free from the every day thoughts that make this pain at the moment seem unending.
Se
Specialeffects.

[AvidReader]

Originally Posted by Sanada

No friends to talk about it to, plus nobody wants to know (to dark for them).

I'll just have to do what i been doing for years now, trying (with failure), to forget.

Sanada, I can identify so strongly with what you posted. I'm so sorry about the suicide of your best friend.

I wish I had some wise words of comfort....I am sending you hugs.

[Sanada]

Thank you all.....

I'll try and get through this, I think with PC's help.

Thank you