[widowedbipolar]

I know this sounds like the smallest violin playing. But I was listening to a medical show on the radio, and they were talking about HPV. The major cause of cervical cancer and the leading cause of throat cancer. And it could be transmitted thru oral sex. My husband died of throat cancer and I had a hysterectomy a few years ago to get rid of precancerous cells on the cervix. So of course I go on line and research it. Yea, I could have gave him the HPV virus.
I know, I will never have a positive or negative answer. But how do you deal with that information? My gyno never said anything. It was 10 years ago, maybe they didn't know then.
I was bad enough to carry out his wishes, and let him die in the hospital. Not to be keep alive by machines. I had to say " remove the respirator". But the info that I might have given him this cancer is tearing me apart. I was doing okay, since I heard this my mood, emotions has gone downhill.

[bebop]

that must be very difficult for you. I want to share this with you because I do understand how you are feeling. I had a granddaughter that died from a genetic disorder. upon doing all the research about it I found that both parents had to be carriers for the gene to mutate. my thought is if my daughter is a carrier then I must be too. I blamed myself for a long time. she passed in 96.
what I want you to know is there are other causes for different cancers. you will never know that answer to that question. try to find something else to blame it on other than yourself hon. otherwise it will get you down.

[CounselorMom]

You can not blame yourself. Please do not carry that burden. There is no way you would have known if it is even true you gave him the HPV virus. I have no idea if that would have caused that or not but I doubt it. Please don't think you did that. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[OurLadysTears]

I’m very sorry for your loss *hugs* I know losing someone is an extremely hard thing to go through. You can’t blame yourself for this, as there are many ways a person can develop cancer. Did he ever smoke? Yes, it is said that HPV can be transmitted orally, along with many other STD’s that can ultimately cause problems too. But it doesn’t go to say that this is what caused his cancer and even if he did contract HPV via orally, it could have been from someone else way in the past. There are many strains of the HPV virus and some are more likely to lead to cancer than others. It can be known to lay dormant for many years before becoming active. So if you are going to blame yourself, you would also have to blame his whole past history, because there is no knowing exactly where he would have gotten it or if he did contract it! I’m not sure if this helps any, but you can’t let this beat you up because you really don’t know what caused his cancer and it could have been many different things. Heck, it could have developed by breathing our nasty polluted air, which is a much more believable outcome. I know this is hard, hon, but you can’t hold yourself to blame.