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#1
Jun 23, 2008, 11:13 AM
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I am not sure... that anyone will understand... or really care... there is so so much heartbreak in this world... that mine.. is really minor.. and perhaps not really work considering....
I "woke up".. this weekend.. and just realized.. I am disabled.. I am very limited in what I can do... In the past... despite my body's aches and complaints (had polio as a baby)... and surgeries.. and DX's.. and so on..... my absolute will.. of mind over matter.. always worked.. It only worked.. I believe because I am DID - so.. though I have extreme.. physical pain... I was always able.. to house that pain in another alter and keep going... the pain.. would be "felt" later.. by that alter.... but not by me.. as I went about doing... what I wanted.. The pain... would "lay me up".. sometimes for a few days.. but it was worth it.. Thru therapy... I have co-consiousness enough with alters... that I can no longer do this - placing the pain.. to be held.. until later... So... I am facing a new way of life.. that is much, much more limited.. and I mourn this...I can't help it.. I am sorry for my feelings... I am very sorry... Because this seems so minor.... but has a huge impact on my life.. and I grieve.. |
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#2
Jun 23, 2008, 12:27 PM
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oh hon I know how you feel. I use to be able to go out and do anything I wanted. now I am so very limited in my abilities to function it isn't funny. it is hard to wake up and realize we can no longer do things we had to do or enjoy. I am with you hon.
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He who angers you controls you! |
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#3
Jun 23, 2008, 12:34 PM
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i have also felt grief over situations around me tho there was no actual physical death, but, more like an emotional loss... (((freewill)))))
i spose a part of me wants revival... |
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#4
Jun 23, 2008, 12:48 PM
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Hi freewill...and your plight like so many, is ours alone and the worlds too...
I wonder if you know anyone who is "able" in all things... I do not... We all have a challenge or two or three...even the young who seem so free and able are frought with fear and uncertainty and risk much by facing things with false courage brought on by substance or colleage... The "dis" comes from not learning to...not finding a way,,not taking the humble Grace learned from being less than to become more...Our potential so exceeds our actions..it often takes a "dis" or two to show just what we are capable of.. Some of the greatest heros are those who will not accept the cards as they are dealt..they find a way to change the game,,the rules or the whole dam room... I recently saw a show on the Learning Channel about a young man who sees with his ears...He lost his eyes to cancer at three and now literally hears the walls, the stairs and obstacles..His doctors,,world renouned they are,,have never seen anyone do what he has done... He found another way... You have too... With care, Lenny
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I have only one conclusion,,and that is things change too quickly for me to draw them.... Sobriety date...Halloween 1989. I was plucked from hell...and treat this gift as if it is the only one... |
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#5
Jun 23, 2008, 12:57 PM
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((((((((((((freewill))))))))))
It's okay to grieve the loss of part of ourselves. Though I've never had to deal with the loss of an alter (or even having one in the first place), I've definitely lost certain aspects of who I used to be, aspects that made my life much more tolerable. I think it's nagtural for people to grieve losing certain parts of themselves or aspects of their lives. Keep working with your T; hopefully you'll find a way to manage the pain without displacing it onto an alter. Take care, and pm me if you need anything,   J
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"One by one, as they march, our comrades vanish from our sight, seized by the silent orders of omnipotent death. Very brief is the time in which we can help them, in which their happiness or misery is decided. Be it ours to shed sunshine on their path, to lighten their sorrows by the balm of sympathy, to give them the pure joy of a never-tiring affection, to stregthen failing courage, to instill faith in hours of despair." -Bertrand Russell With love and hope, <~/J\~> |
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#6
Jun 23, 2008, 01:37 PM
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I know how you must be feeling. I personally have not lost any mobility but my husband has. In a way his disabilities have disabled some of what I can do (as a couple). He lost the use of his right arm and has head neck and spinal injuries. He was a combat medic for the military in the special forces, climbed communication towers when he got out (he always had a death wish, lived life on the edge). After he lost the use of his arm he had to learn how to do the simplest things in a new way some of the things he does amazes me. A month after he got out of his coma, he changed the radiator in my car, by himself with one arm. He is definitely by far a survivor and that what you sound like to me a survivor, mind over matter, you have to keep that mentality up you can do it. I'm always trying to tell him mind over matter but know he resorts to medication, which has disabled him more then the accident all of his injuries did. The war didn't kill him, climbing 300 ft in the air didn't kill him the motor cycle didn't kill him but his medications are. Take care and I hope my die hard attitude does not offend you. You have but one life and you have to constantly evolve in order to survive. The best of luck to you.
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Take me away... a secret place... a sweet escape... Take me away... to brighter days... a higher place... Take me away. |
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#7
Jun 23, 2008, 02:01 PM
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(((Free)))
Don't feel sorry for your feelings. Those are yours, and you are entitled to feel them. I hope it gets better for you
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Believe you can and you're halfway there.
--Theodore Roosevelt |
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#8
Jun 23, 2008, 04:11 PM
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((((((((big hugs to you))))))))))))
My physical mobility is not so limited...yet....but I understand about grieving the loss of what was vs. what is and what will be. It is a hard thing to come to terms with. I wish I had a magic wand that would make it easy and instantaneous.
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#9
Jun 23, 2008, 04:22 PM
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(((((((((((((((((((Freewill))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I really don't know what to say .... i do understand sort of ... not about the pain, but about the grief of losing part of yourself? Just wanted to send you gentle and safe hugs .... because to me you are so special. Love always, Kerry xoxoxoxoxoxo
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#10
Jun 23, 2008, 09:00 PM
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((((((((((((( freewill )))))))))))))))))))
I understand grieving for a part of you that you have lost. I am sorry that you are going through this and hope you feel better soon.
__________________
 Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." C.S. Lewis visit my blog at http://gimmeice.psychcentral.net |
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#11
Jun 21, 2012, 11:25 AM
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i understand its so hard mentally and physically and it’s very hard to admit that you are handicapped, even though you know that you are. .. and i also understand not having other people to understand
my heart goes out to you.
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As long as people aren't asking me if i'm all right, i am alright. |
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#12
Jun 24, 2012, 01:40 AM
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 What ever it is hurt is hurt from the pain of your body to the pain of looseing someone special in your life and any type of pain is not good for anyone. I should know iive been through alot and still going through it. From what you have wrote you are not saying anything that is mineor or meaning less. I hope you have good day's and all my wishes COWBOY1. 
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COWBOY1 |
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#13
Jul 06, 2012, 11:23 PM
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Im so sorry for the pain you have to endure, just remeber you are on this earth for a reason, your life has a purpose even if you dont know what that purpose is. Keep being your incredibly strong self!!! just take it one day at a time. I wish you all the best and I care about you!
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