Isolating myself...

So my father's been sick for the last ten years with Multiple System Atrophy. This past year he's been rapidly deteriorating. Those activities that he used to struggle with have now become nearly impossible. He is now skipping meals because he can't feed himself. He can no longer project his voice but merely whisper. Transferring from his bed to his wheelchair have gone from independent to assist x2. He's had a permanent supra-pubic catheter placed and is now getting ferocious UTI's on a very regular basis, so bad that he's been in and out of the hospital multiple times. Basically, my father is dying. I'd be surprised if he lasts another year.
And the "wonderful" daughter that I am, I haven't been helping him, visiting him rarely, and have overall isolated myself from his entire situation. And I don't know why. He's my father, I love him. I took care of him in his early stages of the disease; I don't know why I can't seem to find the time to help him now when he needs it more than ever. I don't understand why I'm able to make time for anyone else in my life except my dying father.
I feel like I'm a horrible and selfish daughter. What's wrong with me?

It's so hard to lose one's parent so maybe seeing your father is just going to force you to face the reality that he might pass away soon and that is too hard for you to bear? Please let him know how you feel. If not face-to-face, at least by phone or in a note. Not only for his sake but also so you won't be filled with regret later on. Please do something before it is too late.

I have to agree with Terry. If you don't see your father, your life will be filled with horrible guilt if he passes away before you see him. Believe me, you will NOT want that to happen!!! I know several people who have had that happen to them, and now they cannot forgive themselves! Don't let that happen to you! Your dad NEEDS you now! Just knowing that you're THERE is enough for him! Please go see him -- please!!! You owe him that much.

I know it will be hard for you, but you will be grateful that you did. Do this for yourself as much as your father. Please go see him. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

Im so sorry for the deep sadness your feeling, maybe you dont visit him as much as you think you should because you dont want to face to harsh reality of the situation. everyone grieves differently, some poeple can be right there in the middle of things and some poeple cant be there because its just too painfull. But i do think you might regret not visiting alittle more, and that regret might be very painfull to deal with ontop of the grief of loosing him. and i know its so hard to see him, but just think of the happyness you bring him when you do. Hang in there, i wish you all the best.

I think it is your way of shielding yourself for what is to come. hang in there and like someone else said go spend time with him while you can. I lost my dad last year and yes it is very difficult to go thru but in the end you will be glad you spent the time with him. he needs you right now. my brothers didn't see dad much and he would tell me many times he didn't think they loved him. to me that was very hard to deal with. go see him hon.

you are going through one of the worst things you will ver have to deal with, there is a conflict going on inside you. if you go spend time with your father you will see just how ill he is, and concrete your thoughts about his dying soon, however if you stay away and something does happen to him, you will be riddled with guilt. by staying away you can remember your father as the man he was rather than the man he is at present, by going to see him you are preventing the guilt. this is one decision only you can make as only you know how you want to remember your father and how well you will cope with the guilt if you choose not to see him.
either way, a compromise could be regular phone calls, even if he can only whisper, he can still listen to you. listening to a loved one talking about general life things (e.g something on the news or what they have done that day) gives the ill person something to think about other than the situation they are stuck in, and i am sure the best medicine for anyone is to hear that someone loves them.
go on pick up that phone and chat away x