Why am I stuck in derealization??

Hello everyone,

I´m 24 years old and my father died 3 years ago. He was sick for one year with cancer. I have had several psychological difficulties since then and only 4 months ago discovered that it might have something to do with the death of my father, because I completely forgot about it since it happened and threw myself in studies and work.
I have discovered that feeling its all true what happened very much helps to feel "real" and like myself again (which is my biggest problem, derealization and depersonalisation). But it doesn´t stick.
I was wondering today, maybe it is not his past suffering that makes me dazed and unreal but my own fear of death?
I don´t know. My father was terrified of dieing. And I always was too since I was a child really. So maybe why I keep making it "unreal" in my head is not, the trauma of seeing him slowly die, but my own fear of death? what do you think?
does anyone else feel this derealisation?

Im sorry to hear about your father sound's like he was a good person. I think everyone in the back of there minde think's about it and is scared of it in there own way from fear to trying to denie it. But that's why people are made differant. I have had since febuary 2012 of this year my wife has died and two other's now my father has cancer so you withdraw and you hide and don't whan't to addmit that it has happened. Also maybe being scared thinking that it could have happened to you. I think what happen's also is the not knowing where you go. You are not the only one so don't get down on yourself you are human so try to live minute by minute and hour by hour it work's alittle better than week by week or month by month. sorry again about your father hug's and wishe's COWBOY1.