Grief.

I'm tired of it.

I can't seem to move on. Death surrounds me.

Every time I turn around there's a ghost. So many ghosts. Everywhere I turn.

They got out of it easy and left me here picking up the pieces of the lives they shattered.

And I pick up the pieces, and I pick them up, but the pain never goes away and the pieces reappear. And the ghosts hover.

Shattered lives. Fragmented feelings. Broken hearts.

And then they went and died.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( Petunia )))))))))))))))))

[OneAndMany]

((((((((((((((((Petunia))))))))))))))))

Your post has given me chills up and down my spine. I can begin to feel your grief.

Since I have no comfort by way of mending the past, please know that you are very much loved by many people here, not only for what you give but simply because of the beauty that we can see in your soul. There are times when you radiate love. I remember when I first joined PC back in early June and you gave away more beautiful hugs in the DID forum than I had ever seen before. It was truly uplifting. Let us lift you up now.



Elizabeth

[bebop]

(((((Pet))))))

[PasDeDeux]

[Gemstone]

{{{{{ Petunia }}}}}

I see others move on from tragedy and loss and I can't quite grasp the concept.

The ghosts linger on because I allow the hovering. If I let them go...if I release the pain and free myself,
I will have nothing left of them except some old photographs.

Happy memories hurt. Warm memories magnify the loss.

The hint of a ghostly smile must be defeated so I can triumph in heartache. It's what I know. It's familiar. Comfy.

I stoke the pain and keep it twisted around my heart so that every time it constricts, I feel them.

They are still with me...when I hurt.

They are alive in my tears when I cry.

Sorrow keeps us connected yet I'm still alone.

Pieces and pieces and pieces of Grief. Everywhere I turn.

[Fuzzybear]

[heartspace]

(((Petunia)))

Thanks for your thoughts everyone.

[weather]

I know how you feel Petunia. I'm there most days. Each morning when I look in the mirror, I see a ghost of what was... me. Yes, it is sad, but the ghosts can be your friends if they take you back to happier times.

Your post reminded me of an old Gorden Lightfoot song. I hope this helps, at least that someone would care enough to look for the lyrics.

"If you could read my mind
What a tale my thoughts could tell
just like an old time movie
bout a ghost from a wishing well
In a castle dark or a fortress strong
with chains up on my feet
You know that ghost is me
And I will never be set free
As long as I'm a ghost that you can't see

When you reach the part where the heartaches come
the hero would be me.
But heros often fail
And you won't read that book again
Because the endings just too hard to take."

Thank you for caring and being so thoughtful to post the lyrics of a beautiful song.

They ring so true.

[weather]

You're welcome. I hope you feel better today.

[SweetSunshine]

Petunia it took me 14 yrs to grieve for my mom.. I cant imagine having to grieve for everyone that you've lost in your life. Be patient with yourself. The tears are ok hon. Its part of letting the emotion go. Something my t gave me to do that helped me was to write mom a letter telling her how much I love her and how I never will forget her . How she will live on in my memories and in my heart. But that it was time I had to let go of the sadness I felt inside for not having her around. And to take that letter and go read it to her and then burn it somewhere. Its meant to be closure . I dont know if this will work for you. Or if you even want to try it. But its there if you do. I hope soon you will have peace in your heart and mind my dear friend. I love you!

Hugz
Bethy

Thanks Beth,

I'm sorry about your mom.