[BlueFaith]

A family friend that I was very close to died just a little bit ago. I am angry and hurt. I don't know how I'm supposed to get through this. It feels like my heart is literally aching.

I didn't get the chance to see him one more time. I didn't get the chance to say goodbye. I feel guilty about it.

To beat it all.. today is my daughters birthday.

[LMo]

I'm so sorry, MP...

Please don't feel guilty... I'm positive he knew your feelings for him.

Try to enjoy your daughter's birthday. I'm sorry (((( MP ))))

[bebop]

Jenn hon you have been thru alot this week. He knows you loved him and couldn't be there. He would not want you to do this to yourself. Being angry and hurt is perfectly normal in this situation. Hang in there hon. My thoughts are with you and your family.

[lenjan]

Oh, Jenn. Big hugs to you. I didn't get to say goodbye to one of my dearest friends either, but I know he knew I loved him. I'm positive your friend knew that too.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Jenn))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[darkeyes]

ditto to what LMo just said, dear lady.

(((((((((( MP )))))))))))

[hillbunnyb]

light a candle and send your messege up in the smoke......? but, I agree with the others, he knew.....

[DocClyde]

(((Jenn)))

[(JD)]

ask him to visit you in a dream so you can tell him

[eskielover]

((((((((((((((((MP)))))))))))))))))))),

Please don't feel guilty.......you were with him when you could be. I had a good friend from college that died from cancer just about 9 months before my mother died from cancer. I was able to see him when we could enjoy talking together & reliving memories. He was then hospitalized & died during his first chemo treatment. I was going to go to the hospital the night he died, but his wife & son were going to a concert & weren't going to be there either. She could have felt guilty, but it was important for her & her son to be together at the time & I had the good time with him when we could have the chance to enjoy each others company.

With my Mother's death, I was with my mother just about 2 hours before she died & told her then that it was ok for her to die. At that time, she could no longer even talk but the weak squeeze of her hand told me that she heard what I told her. My GP wanted me in the hospital because I was exhausted & sick from the stress I was going through & was needing treatment for anemia. I waited as long as possible before going into the hospital myself. I couldn't be with my mother at the time she actually died.
I hope you realize that he knew what you felt & he wouldn't want you to feel guilty either. Guilt is a feeling we tend to put on ourselves when we don't do something we feel like we "should have" done.

I like sky's suggestion to visit in a dream, or hillbunny's suggestion to send your message to him in the smoke of a candle. Those are ways for you to tell him the things you wanted to tell him. He would want you to enjoy your daughters birthday which I hope you did yesterday. I know that greiving doesn't allow us to enjoy our life as much as we would enjoy it without our greif, but it isn't ok to let greif totally control us either.....it is normal to have that sad greif feeling when someone close to us dies.

Take care of yourself & be kind to yourself during this time,
Debbie

[Evangelista]

I am so sorry MP...

[LadyDragus]

i think he knows you could not be there.. he will always be with you in spirt.

Love to you MP.

I know it is hard to lose someone you care about