deeply hurting or not...

i don't think i've ever been in more pain and at the same time more numb in my entire life...or not....

you know so i get a private message today from a member who said "i feel you should get off your *** and stop feeling sorry for yourself"

that's what i thought about on the way to T today...and that's basically the attitude i shared with T.... i'm fine, i said... have you been cutting, no i said... what are your plans concerning your job, not worrying about it, i said, i'll find another job... i said very little... lots of silence.... he aksed what can we do to make me feel better, i said there's nothing to be done. this will pass.

i'm assuming my termination from my job will become effective monday...so i'll call and cancel my T appt for next week...i can't pay for it....(oops...almost felt sorry for myself)

so if you don't hear from me for a while...i'll be busy getting off my *** and not feeling sorry for myself!

besides...i looked on the diagnoses on my T's report that i hand off to the receptionist...i went from major depression two weeks ago to this week a little adjustment disorder resulting from a life stressor....by next week i'm sure to be cured!

I went the opposite way. I started on adjustment disorder and moved to depression. Is there a way that you can get a discount or help paying for T? I hate paying $110/hr for my T due to a reduction in hours at work. Some places have sliding ruler payments and the county has free services if you need it. I hope you find a way to continue to get therapy and your other needs met.
Oh by the way, I am sorry that you are stuck in the predicament.

Gostryter, perhaps, as has been mentioned, at least you can get free services, or a sliding scale or something.

Sorry about the job, but you have to believe in yourself. I am sure you will do fine. You seem to be smart and talented, and you can keep up with me, so that says a lot

Hoping for the best,

Clyde

(((((((gostryter)))))))

sorry things are so cruddy for you right now..... if it helps at all, i lost 2 jobs between january and may - the first one laid me off, the second company shut down. both times i got so down that i literally considered stepping out into traffic. i was sure i'd lose my apartment, my pets, etc. 2 weeks after losing the last one i got my current one (which i hope will be long-term!) i have some issues there, but overall its a good place to work.

my point is just, even though i was convinced i would end up on the street, it ended up working out. you just need to keep looking, and you will find something........ i know you will.......i believe in you. good luck sweetie and keep us posted.....

sending you love and support always...

and of course.. frying pans.. lots and lots and lots of frying pans..

((((((((gostryter)))))))))))))

A little bit of self-care (which is not pitying yourself) is good for you. I'm sorry things are so rough for you.

Don't cancel your T appointment, if you can - just go at least this one time and talk to your T about how you're really feeling and what's been going on. Also see if they can do sliding scale.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
besides...i looked on the diagnoses on my T's report that i hand off to the receptionist...i went from major depression two weeks ago to this week a little adjustment disorder resulting from a life stressor....by next week i'm sure to be cured!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

No offence meant, but it sounds like rationalizing stuff. You may be "cured" next week (don't we all want that?) but at the same time... you're going through a rough time. Give yourself some time to grieve about the lost job and get through all your 'stuff' right now.

I'm sorry that that person said that to you, but please do take care of yourself.

I don't mean to be blunt either, so if I am I do sincerely apologize. I just felt a lot of empathy when reading this - because I do the same things sometimes in therapy, and nobody should be told to just get over stuff.

(((((((((((((((( gostryter ))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time!

<font color="#000088">Well,obviously whoever sent you this PM doesn't seem to understand SI'ing at all. And maybe they need to get of their ***, and stop giving others a hard time and focus on themselves, instead of picking on the vulnerable one's. Maybe learn a little about Self-harming behavior, before they jump to judging others for it! You know what they say "Misery loves company". Maybe that person is just so miserable with thier own life, that they just decided to take it out on somebody else that was already hurting enough!
I'm really sorry that this other miserable person did this to you. It was cruel,and wrong, and there was no excuse for that! I hope they realize that all they are doing is hurting themselves even more by doing things like that! It was wrong! And I'm sorry they chose you to take thier frustrations out on!
Some people don't think about others feelings, they just feel sorry for themselves!
But don't let it effect how you get yourself taken care of with your T.and your life in general! There are a lot of people here that really care about you, and are on the sidelines rooting for you to get the help you need! Don't let this 1 self-centered person ruin how far you've already come, or they win, and you don't want that!
You're stronger than that! Show'em!((((((((((gostryter))))))))))
By the way! Just incase you haven't heard lately!
J</font>

thank you everyone for your comments!!!

after i calmed down a bit...i messaged the person who sent the message....just to ask what they were thinking. the person messaged back saying they didn't mean for it to be hurtful only meant it (the entire message) more as a way to encourage me that things are not hopeless and i can make the changes in my life i need to.

they words the person chose were not well chosen - but i am glad that i decided to message and talk it out with this member. i'm going to choose to believe that this member was only trying to help and not hurt.

i really do need to believe that the person didn't mean to hurt me. it doesn't make sense that anyone posting here would intentionally try to hurt another.

so i'm putting it behind me and hope that the other member will put it behind as well. i hold no ill will and hope the member doesn't toward me as well....after all i did lash out pretty strong.

i guess this should just be a reminder to us all to try and be especially careful when choosing our words and how we use them.

again - i do appreciate you all coming to my rescue!!

(((((((((((gostryter)))))))))))))

that's the spirit.......... things are never hopeless as long as YOU keep hoping...... even when i'm feeling my worst i still somehow seem to maintain a spark of hope......which i believe is the only reason i'm still alive. glad you have worked this out...... and hope you are well all around.....

((((((gostryter))))))

<font color="#000088">I'm glad you were able to get things worked out, and that it ended with no harm done!
J</font>

((((((gostryter)))))) i'm so sorry that you're going through a rough time. that pm the person sent you is not exactly good advice, really. depression is NOT self-pity - it's an illness. that advice is pretty much saying "denial" to your depression, to your illness. denial has heavy consequences. i know because it happened to me, and it led to huge problems. problems will not appear immediately, but later on as time goes on and will pile on itself if you ignore your illness. don't ever ignore it. instead, you can "pretend," but, be careful because there's a fine line between "pretending" and denial. don't be hard on yourself. i hope i'm making sense in what i'm trying to say. you're a good person, and no you're not wallowing in self-pity when you have depression.