[toesquasher]

hi.........................
I just recently have confronted all the losses I've had in my life. My current T and one I'm considering changing to both picked up on this. I thought maybe writing this may be of help to me and, possibly, someone else.
My first loss was my childhood. It was taken away at birth by a birth defect requiring surgeries that started at four hours old. I've had 17 in my short 30 years of life. Also, it was taken away by an uncle of mine and others who did unspeakable things to me.
I lost my grandparents while still in elementary school and a mentor/friend in junior high. I lost my two best childhood friends to moves and school changes.
Back in 08 my dad died of a sudden heart attack. I still haven't grieved his loss. Then, due to my depression, I lost my faithful companion of six years, my service dog, Jaba. I've lost acquaintances to suicide. I've had to let go of numerous therapists over the years. Most of whom eventually told me they couldn't help me anymore.
and, finally, I'm losing the friends in my Dad's company which is shutting it's doors after 20 years. I feel like the people there are family. They had a closing down party today but I just couldn't bring myself to face everyone, even though it may be for the last time.
If you're still reading, thank you. I should have written this years ago.
Toes

[toesquasher]

thanks to JustDon'tAsk and invisible butterfly for the hugs. Other than them, I haven't gotten any support here, which I'm disappointed about. Yesterday I almost ended up in the hospital due to my grief. I just felt like I couldn't handle any more. It doesn't help that I recognized a few more losses in my life. Shortly after my Dad passed, a man from my church whom I regarded as a grandfather passed away unexpectedly. Then, recently, I lost the only man I've ever truly loved romantically. Also, I'm mourning the loss of a friendship with a man who was like a father to me after my own died. And, to top it off, I'm facing the loss of another dog of mine that I've had for 17 years...............When will the pain end???????

[Citrine]

Toes, you have suffered alot of loss and as you say you are still young. Its hard to understand why some suffer this loneliness and emptiness. Why some are abused. You see people all around that have good lives and luck. In trying to understand the unhappiness I have endured I came to the conclusion everything is as it is meant to be, destiny, whatever. To help me cope personally I accept that I am on a journey. There are small incidents along the way, little rays to help me get along. If you have any beliefs its a good idea to lean on them. I do understand. I never forget the things that hurt me but I carry on because the ones I lost cant and events that can damage (I too was abused)- I wont hinge my life on them, and make them important, those men are now deceased and they arent important enough to be in my mind. You must learn to be resourceful and find ways within you to cope through your bad days.