[bos314489]

I recently lost my husband in a terrible accident 2 weeks ago. I have been devestated and severly depressed. I have been off work for 2 weeks. I know that it is important to stay busy and work but I found myself unable to concentrate and too emotional and my job requires intense concentration. I am staying busy in other ways working in my garden, mowing the grass, taking care of my dog, walking on the beach, cleaning house, etc. I actually feel busier than when I was working. I have an option to go on a leave of absence until I am ready to come back. I just want to know if other people have had a loss of a loved one and had to take a leave of absense from work and how long before you were able to work again? Thanks

You've had quite an unexpected shock to your system.

It might not be a bad idea to take them up on the leave of absence.

It's okay to shift gears for a while.

Everybody grieves differently.

You'll know when the time is right to return to your regular routine.

Some people don't return to what they were previously doing but find themselves on a whole new path.

Any and all of it is okay.

The important thing is to take care of yourself right now.

No matter how long it takes.

,
Pfrog

[bos314489]

That is what I have been feeling is like I want to go on a different path. His death makes me realize how short life can be and how unexpectedly a person can die. I want to do what makes me happy in life and not be stuck to some job sitting at a computer 10 hours a day with chronic neck and back pain. Unfortunaly with the economy I am lucky to have this job and it allows me to work from home. What I really love is doing art. I wish I could do that full time and go to shows and learn to market it better. I just want to enjoy my life instead of being stressed all the time. I want to try to go in a different direction and it is interesting other people have felt this way after a loss.

[Sabrina]

I am sorry for your loss.

[Lenox99]

sorry for your loss. i lost my partner almost 4 months ago, and i am still not able to work full time. i am managing 3 days a week, but i am not very productive or functional most days. its hard to concentrate and i still cry a lot. my co-workers are very supportive. i find i have to balance time at home and work, and just give myself permission to do what i feel i need to do in the moment. i cant predict it. i think it is a personal journey and different for everyone. listen to yourself. distraction is good at times, but grieving is hard hard work and takes a lot of energy and is unique for everyone. be kind to yourself and let me know if i can help. Lee

[Lenox99]

another thought- sometimes people benefit from bereavement support groups, you can see if there are any in your area and try one.

[winter4me]

I would take them up on the offer if you can and pursue your loves/dreams. Art would be a good outlet/expression for all that you are, and will be going through. Keeping busy is good, but it doesn't have to be work if you can do other things. Life is short. Don't let yourself have regrets about not trying to do what you love/have passion for.
I am so sorry for your loss...words fail.

[lizardlady]

Originally Posted by bos314489

I recently lost my husband in a terrible accident 2 weeks ago. I have been devestated and severly depressed. I have been off work for 2 weeks. I know that it is important to stay busy and work but I found myself unable to concentrate and too emotional and my job requires intense concentration. I am staying busy in other ways working in my garden, mowing the grass, taking care of my dog, walking on the beach, cleaning house, etc. I actually feel busier than when I was working. I have an option to go on a leave of absence until I am ready to come back. I just want to know if other people have had a loss of a loved one and had to take a leave of absense from work and how long before you were able to work again? Thanks

Bos, my husband was killed on the job one night I was halfway thorugh gradute school when it happened. Classes started two weeks after he was killed. I returned to class, but a reduce classload (2 classes instead of 3). I needed the structure of having to get up and go to class every day or I would have vanished into my grief and depression. I also very much understand the feeling of wanting to live the life you want before it's over. Life can end with no warning.

Some practical things to consider...

Can you afford to go on a leave of absence? How long can you survive financially withour a paycheck? Or do you have some paid time off coming to you?

Could you return to work on a reduced schedule? Maybe work half days or only a few days a week while you sort out what you want to do.

You mention wanting to sell your art. Are you in a financial position to be able to support yourself while you get that business going?

What about taking some leave to give yourself some breathing room to sort out what you want to do next? Some people might tell you not to make any important decisions for one year. That's a load of hogwash. Some time practicalities don't let us wait that long. Listen to both your heart and your gut. Ask people who know you for feedback on whether you are making logical choices.

Someone else mentioned a grief support group. They can be a big help.

[iamsarahearmygrr]

Well I know losing a husband is nothing like losing a grandpa. But when I lost my grandpa I couldn't afford to lose any work and so had to work the next day after finding out the news. If you aren't ready, don't go back. Instead of dealing with my emotions and being able to grieve I had to turn it all off and become numb so that now I'm in a much darker place with my grieving than I feel I would have been otherwise. I've had no break from work and seen where it's gotten me, I don't want others to go down that road. It's dark and scary and it changes who you are. Just be careful. Take your time since you are able. There's no rushing something this delicate and sensative.