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#1
Sep 13, 2006, 06:54 AM
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We lost our 16 year old, sarah, 2 years ago today. I am not sure of the stages of death, but if I were to write my own stages, I think I would be in resignation. I'm not so sure anymore that the joy outweighs life's griefs. I never went through the anger phase because I never had anywhere to direct the anger.
She didn't do anything to contribute to her death. The doctors were never really conclusive why she died. How a 16 year old can stump a hospital of doctors is beyond me. Meningitis, toxic shock, her thyroid, a spider bite. They never really figured it out. So there is no one.. nothing to be angry about. So I have resigned. Because it's just not worth it. I'm not suicidal. Maybe I would be if I even felt anything anymore. I'm just past the point of caring. |
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#2
Sep 13, 2006, 07:45 AM
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(((( BetsyK ))))
(((( Sarah )))) My heart goes out to you both. 
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#3
Sep 13, 2006, 07:47 AM
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I'm so sorry, Betsey. They say losing a child is the worst loss. I'd argue, having lost my mother as a toddler but that's not a good contest I want to win. I wouldn't worry about the phases of mourning, I think healing comes as it comes, like all things in life, and can't be rushed or scheduled.
Anger isn't "logical" where you only get angry because there's something to get angry about. I had to learn about and explore my anger at my mother for leaving me to grow up "on my own" before I was able. Anger exists and has to be acknowledged. Your daughter "shouldn't" have gotten sick at 16 and died before her parents. She should have grown up into a beautiful young woman, married, and had lovely grandbabies. Now all that is lost to you. The doctors "should" have been able to figure it out; that's what we pay them for. Feelings can't be argued or "logic"-ed away. Life is hard. There's no denying that. It's hard for everyone. But that's what makes joy so wonderful when we get a bit of it. I hope you get another bit of joy soon.
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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#4
Sep 13, 2006, 09:21 AM
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(((((((((((((((( BetseyK )))))))))))))))))))))
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious daughter, but also for the unanswered questions. KD
__________________
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#5
Sep 13, 2006, 09:45 AM
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Im very sorry for your loss....im sure you are fed up of hearing this but one more doesnt help.
Dont give up on life, i mean dont die with your daughter, live for her! i cant say i know how difficult it is cause i dont, but life as you well know is not to be taken for granted so it should'nt be waisted! Live and your daughters spirit will live in you and everything you do! Her memory will never fade away, nor should it, therefore live your life with her! (i am very spiritual and it helps) I truly hope that your moral will get better and that you regain your confidence in life! I wish you luck!
__________________
It is nice to be Important...but it is important to be nice! 
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#6
Sep 13, 2006, 12:05 PM
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thank you all. just have to get through today.
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#7
Sep 13, 2006, 12:09 PM
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the loss of a child is something no one can understand unless they have been there. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my granddaughter 10 yrs ago at 13 weeks old. She was my life and my heart! I never went thru an angry stage either. It took me a very long time to learn to accept it. It was only after alot of prayer and knowing that God needed her more there. We all learned alot about love from her in her very short life. I pray that you will find peace soon. Your daughter would not want you to continue to grieve so badly. She would want you to move on and remember her but not grieve her. If you need to talk feel free to pm anytime.
__________________
He who angers you controls you! |
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#8
Sep 13, 2006, 02:32 PM
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I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you.
__________________
 Crying isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign of having tried too hard to be strong for too long. |
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#9
Sep 13, 2006, 04:10 PM
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Betsey,
I'm so sorry about the loss of your dear daughter, Sarah, at such a tender age. I lost our adopted daughter, who was 14 at the time, through disruption. She was severely emotionally disturbed when they placed her in our home, and failed to tell us about her multiple mental health diagnoses. After 2 3/4 years we could no longer manage her in our home. I'm so sorry for your loss. (((((((((((Betsey))))))))))))))) Maybe you are still in shock. Hugs again, EJ |
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#10
Sep 13, 2006, 10:47 PM
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(((((((((((((((( BetseyK )))))))))))))))))))))
Am sorry about yout lost my heart goes out to you |
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#11
Sep 14, 2006, 06:49 PM
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(((((((((((((((( BetseyK )))))))))))))))))))))
Very sorry for your loss of your beautiful child.
__________________
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
--Theodore Roosevelt |
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#12
Sep 14, 2006, 07:41 PM
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...i'm so very sorry about your loss......
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#13
Sep 14, 2006, 09:31 PM
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thank you all. we got through the day. I basically slept it away. but we made it, and that's what counts.
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#14
Sep 15, 2006, 12:15 AM
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(((((Betsey/Sarah)))))
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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