Just a Question...

Can you grieve for someone that hasnt died physically, but seems to have died emotionally? How does one get past this and move on? I mean I understand if someone is physically gone you have to move on eventually one way or another you find a way but if they are physically right there in front of you yet emotionally dead then how does one learn to seperate themselves from someone emotionally??When its a choice is it harder to make then when its not?Trust me I understand death is not easy and it hurts like hell but I'm starting to feel almost more hurt by losing someone emotionally and not physically too. Maybe perhaps because I feel as if I'm grieving for this person "alone" without a support system? I dont know... just a little confused about some things, not sure how to step out of a certain vicious circle- when someone emotionally 'checks out' how do you 'check out' right back? how do you STOP trying to reach them when you know its going to be to no avail???

sorry if this makes no sense, thanks for reading/listening...

You grieve for all losses, not just "people" you lose. Anything important to you that is lost hurts and you grieve. You can grieve for a pet, a lost job, even a lost personal item/favorite piece of clothing that is worn out and has to given or thrown away.

So yes, like people caring for parents or spouses with Alzheimers who are no longer "there" or children who have grown and are off to college (empty nest syndrome) all of our lives have lots of various losses that are grieved even when things look like they're really going well (houses and friends we have to leave when we move for a job). If a friend or loved one appears emotionally lifeless and we feel powerless or hopeless to help or get our loved one "back" then yes, I'd think one could grieve for that but I'd worry about the thin line surrounding giving up or feeling hopeless.

As long as there is life one should keep struggling to be and help others to be the best they can, encourage and hope for others who are tired or have no hope of their own. I remember my therapist being worth her salary for merely being my "hope" at times, bucking me up until I could take over at time. It's hard to know why someone else "checks out" but sometimes it's good for us, as well as them, to keep on keeping on trying to help them. That does have to be measured against our "strength" though (not necessarily our wishes/desires), our own health comes before anyone elses as we can't continue to live our own lives, our "purpose" in life, if we wear ourselves out helping others or ourselves when we should be looking after ourselves instead, recouping our strength.

Absolutely you can grieve for someone who is still living but isn't there any more.
Like when a person is in a coma, there body is still there in the flesh but their mind is no longer. There are many situations where a person is living but their mind is gone.
I understand what you are saying about it seems harder this way, than if they were dead.
It must be a terrible thing to realize that there will be no more talks, no more laughing, no more anything with this person again.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I do hope you will be able to find a support system that you can talk about this and be able to help you.
Take care of yourself,
Linda

Angelica,

Your post makes me think of my husband. He is naturally emotionally distant. He is also slowly killing himself by smoking right before my eyes, and I grieve everyday.

Hugs,

EJ

thanks to all of you and your responses, its difficult for sure, and i guess greif is something i personally havent ever understood nor accepted-when i lose somebody or something i almost throw myself right into denial and want to put everything right back to how it was or *should* be in my eyes, which of course is a control issue im sure... maybe someday ill figure out acceptance and moving on and change, but i sure know that as of now, in my life, i have not yet reached that point of being able to let go of control (EVEN when it fails me) my biggest thing is i need to learn and understand (easier said than done) that i can only control MYSELF and MY LIFE, not anyone else's no matter what- i guess i need to let go of my sense of failure and realize its NOT my FAULT if life doesnt turn out the way i feel it *should*....its not a bowl of cherries right?!