grief and anger

my sister was killed while riding on her bf's motorcycle. he was drunk and driving recklessly. one minute she was on the back of his bike, happy, she met him 6 months ago and moved in with him two weeks ago. the next minute he was trying to pass a van when the lane merged, zipping all around the van, even banging on the side of the van trying to get it to move over. with my sister on the bike. he hit the curb of the median, the bike went flying, my sister went flying. 25 ft. she lived for 12 minutes. they diddn't even take her to the hospital, she went right to the coronor's office. it's being investigated by homicide. he hasn't been charged yet. he's said some weird things to me. he has anger against me because i'm her only living relative. i'm the one closing out her estate, closing her out of life. he says things like ' i have more grief than you do' 'oh i didn't think you two even had a relationship' then he finds all kinds of things that were ours. i don't have to prove my relationship to him. he didn't even know her. he didn't know she'd been married 4 times. he didn''t know alot of things about her. he got mad at finding out, when he finally let me in to his home to get her things. ' i'll put a few things in a bag for you'. excuse me, no you won't. this is after i did alot for him, while he was in the hospital. his friends wanted me to tell him she's dead because 'i know how to do that because i'm a nurse'. he is in terrible grief. and angry that he's not the one to arrange things. ' i'm making a final resting place for her, i'm going to do that someday' yet he didn't want some of her ashes.
i quit speaking to him. it's too painful hearing stuff from him and then him telling me how he's the hurting one and i need to listen to him.

i am so angry at him. she would be alive if not for his actions. he put on his facebook the whole day long how much he was drinking..moonshine. his friends that were with them last tell me they were both very drunk and they tried to get them into a place for a break, a meal and coffee, but they didn'.t and why do you tell me such a horrific preposterous story that any sane person would know not to do..why would you bang on the side of a moving vehicle going 45 to race past it..why would you be so reckless and my sister died. she is gone.
and today he calls me and says he is arranging a small service at the crash site and placing a cross and i'm invited and ' please don't hate me'

i work on a unit..i run the unit..of alot of people that do harm to themselves and do harm to others..and we help them, fix them, get them healing..and i have great compassion for them. everyone makes mistakes. but he hasn't even admitted he's made a mistake, a fatal mistake ' yea too bad about barb such a tragic accident, but i have living to do'.
i've lost my compassion for him. i don't have any forgiveness for him. and i want to scream and scream and scream at him and then scream more.

I am so sorry. I am praying for you and your sister.

I am so, so sorry about your sister. What a tragic, senseless loss. I would be exceedingly angry with the bf. Self-centered, insensitive, and extremely irresponsible. I'm glad you wrote here. I hope you feel supported. I am praying for you.

So sorry for your loss. There are no words that can help...I know...just expressing sympathy and concern for you.

I am so sorry carol234! You are having to deal with so much! How are you doing now? Massive hugs

Hello, Carol234, and welcome to Psych Central! I am so sorry for your loss. I would be very angry with the boyfriend, too.