Lost my father to suicide. Finally dealing with it 1.5 years later...

Hi everyone!
I'll jump right into it. About a year and half ago I lost my father due to suicide. He had Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer and withered away to a shell of his former self over the course of about 6 months. He took his own life in Oct 2012 as I'm guessing it was just too much to bear. My mother and myself found him.

I guess I'm here because I'm finally starting to face it. I became involved in a romantic realtionship just following my father's passing and looking back I know I used this as a "masking tool" so I didn't have to deal with the reality of the situation and I just threw myself totally into the relationship.
The relationship became toxic (became physical on my gf's end, a lot of yelling/name calling, trust issues etc) and I finally left it about a month ago. In that time period, I have become quite depressed. My feelings range from feeling like I'll never find someone to date again to just not being happy about my life as a whole, when I really should be.
I just bought a condo, have a great career which I love, adopted a dog and have a somewhat reasonable social life (I see friends at least once a week). I also have a great mother and sister who have been very supportive. I'm also told by numerous people that I'm a good looking guy and have good personality.

I did go to grief counseling for a few sessions following my fathers passing and it did help, I know I should probably go back now that I can fully commit myself to recovering from this.

Any tips or suggestions? Is what I'm feeling normal?
Sorry to be so long winded. Just helps to get this all out there..
Thank you

Hi nde
yes, it all sounds totally normal. you sound like you are in a good place. you have a strong support system and you recognize this. you are in a good place in your life. you just need to deal with the grief of losing your father. going back to the grief support group is a good idea. welcome to psych central. you will find that we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

Thank you
I've just never felt pain like this for. I avoided facing it for so long and it has really bruised my self esteem. It's almost bleeding into all aspects of my life and making me just not feel good about myself, which is something I have never experienced.