[Wish I was a cat]

Having a hard time. My husband committed suicide December 9th 2013. That date is quickly approaching and my anxiety grows by the day. I can't even think about thanksgiving and Christmas because I am so overwhelmed. I need to start shopping for gifts and think about putting up a tree. If wasn't for my grown kids, grandchildren, and parents all living in the same city as me, I would close my eyes and not open them until January. Help!

[lanna87]

Be kind and patient with yourself. Don't push yourself beyond what you can stand. Nobody should expect anything more than that from you.

[kaliope]

you know what, you don't have to think about thanksgiving and Christmas if you don't want to. you have grown children. go to one of their houses for the holidays. I am sure you have hosted enough of the holidays that it is time you had a break anyway. give yourself that break. I don't know how old the grandchildren are, but giftcards are real simple to pick up or spend an hour on amazon and have it shipped right to their door. they even do the gift wrapping for an extra 3,50. just flat out tell everybody that you are struggling and you don't have it in you to celebrate this year. there is no law that says you have to do it. I haven't done the holidays in forever, since my marriage fell apart. it just didn't seem like there was anything to celebrate. I buy my kids gifts, my grandchildren gifts, but I don't bother with the tree or fixing grand dinners. I just don't have it in me. if people invite me over, I will go. but I don't miss them. nobody judges me. you need time to grieve. everybody does this in their own time and way. don't stress yourself out unnecessarily. you have that right.

[jelly-bean]

Kaliope gave you some very good advice! I couldn't have said it better. I am where you are and I don't want to do the holidays either but my son and grandkids know how I feel and will help me. Do your children understand how you feel and honor it? Well, no, they can not possibly know how it feels to you but they should be able to understand that you are grieving. Just put it out there honestly and see what happens.

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by Wish I was a cat

Having a hard time. December 9th 2013. That date is quickly approaching and my anxiety grows by the day. Help!

I am deeply sorry for your loss and the anniversary of that must hold many emotions for you.

The thing that relieves my grief and sadness is helping people. It could be as simple as you want, but having something to focus on besides my own situation can reduce the impact. Maybe it would be better to do those things when you feel ready or maybe go out of your comfort zone before or after December 9th.
I left out the words in the quote above that trigger me. I read it and I feel less anxiety. That is why I try not to use the words that set me off. Sometimes I am my own worst enemy. By talking about the parting of your husband rather than describing the tragic way in which he left, it might be easier to begin in some small way to let go.
I don't know if this is an appropriate time to pursue a line of inquiry to what comes after death. If so there is a book by an MD that reports the experiences of many patients who die medically and then are revived. It is by a medical professional so it is not sensationalized. It is called LIFE AFTER LIFE by Dr Raymond Moody. For me it helped me come to peace with the loss of family members and the sense of separation diminished.
Please feel free to stay in touch with PC. People are here to listen and sympathize.