More specific

I feel I have grieved a bit for these two people in my life but never got a chance to be specific. With all the craziness going on at the time and my sup who wasn't supportive at all I wasn't really able to. Here it goes:

Mike, my friend who I miss every day. I wish I could have been here instead of ND to come save you from your accident. I wish I would have known more about your funeral and demanded more information. I wish I would not have been so anxious to leave school and just said f it it's not worth not seeing my old friend. I hope you're doing a lot better up there. The world can be cruel sometimes so my hope is that you are finally at peace, I know you had it rough sometimes.

Grandma, who showed me love in the simplest of things. You would take the time to cut out fruits and place them in a bag for me just for my convenience. You did it without even asking b/c you probably knew I would say just keep it simple I think about you every day as well. Knowing how difficult my sup was I would have quit right there and told her where to shove it. Then I could have spent more time healing and actually focusing attention on reality. I also would have just left the house to see you instead of letting my mom say I couldn't (b/c she was drunk). I am still mad at her for doing that but maybe I shouldn't be neither of us knew you would pass away so soon.

It's hard to fight the tears that come when writing this. I just hope you both know I love you very much. I wish I could have been there more and just told the world to f itself when it got in the way of me seeing you. I will now try to continue to show others the kindness you showed me. I wish you both could have lived forever.

Sorry keyslost for the grief of separation you feel.

It is not your fault. You survived but that does not mean you are responsible for what happened or what did not happen.

Have you considered talk to a grief counselor about this?

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

Glad to see you writing it out. Honoring their memory with kindness sounds like a wonderful way to maintain their legacy.

Thx you 2! I did not know grief counseling was a thing. Although I'm sure some of this will come up in my general eval in a month. I will keep that and the offer in mind thx Candc