[HotSmilla]

i lost my sister to suicide about a year and a half ago. I still cry sometimes. I still feel guilty and have so much regret. Why didn't I get her into a hospital when I knew the symptoms were bad? Why didn't I love her more instead of fighting all the time and pushing her away? I would do anything to change how I treated her. How I behaved the last year and a half she was alive.

I have so much guilt. My therapist says she would have found a way to commit suicide anyway. But what if I had been in her corner, as her advocate? No matter how verbally aggressive she got, why didn't I try to help her more.

I know I wasn't in control of the situation.
But I wish I had done more. Two weeks before she died she was visiting and told me I was her best friend. I don't feel like much of a best friend after all. I never even really knew her. Why couldn't I anticipate this?

[gayleggg]

You have my condolences on the loss of your sister.

I'm sure that the guilt must be overwhelming, but we can't forsee the future. You couldn't have known what she would do. I don't think she would have wanted you to blame yourself. Forgive yourself.

Best wishes, Gayle
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[Keyslost]

I wanted to save my friend. I felt guilty too (prob still do as well) You can actually find my post about it. I didn't go into great detail but I blamed myself for putting school first not realizing what pain he was in. I felt powerless and awful about myself. But there's no way to know that stuff will happen in the future. Honestly I think she was saying thank you for being such a good sister as well w/o actually saying it. It's hard at first but try not to blame yourself I can't imagine what it's like to lose family that way I hope the best for you

[Raindropvampire]

Oh honey you have to know there's nothing you could have done. It's human nature to think there should always be a solution or that you missed that ONE thing you could have said or done. I've tried to commit suicide before and there was nothing anyone could have done to stop it.

I WAS my sister's best friend and she was mine. We had our ups and downs but were always there for each other. I tried several times to get her help but she didn't want it. There are just some things that are out of our control. It's been 17 years and I still miss her everyday.

Obviously you were a better sister than you give yourself credit for or she wouldn't have told you that you were her best friend. I hope you can find a way to let go of this guilt.

[mom2trips+1]

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I lost my sister to suicide on August 6, 2014. I have a lot of the same feelings you do. We had a tumultuous relationship and went months sometimes mad at each other without speaking. Luckily, the last conversation I told her I loved her. That was about 2 weeks before she died. However, I have regrets and guilt.

I think what we both are feeling is a part of the grieving process. Like the other people posted, I feel that I could not have changed the outcome. She was deeply depressed and very determined to kill herself.

I don't have any great advice-as I am feeling the same way you are- except to be kind to yourself. You could not have predicted the future. And know that other people here care and feel compassion for you. My heart is still breaking from my own sister's death and my heart goes out to you also.

Mom2trips+1