[thelonelyblackgirl]

I lost my grandmother in September of last year and I haven't moved on. I've stayed in most of the year and have cut off most of my friends and family. I used to put effort into people I don't try anymore. I feel anger to my other family members because I feel that they have moved on too fast and her birthday past on the 4th of July and everyone was just happy and trying to enjoy the fourth and I felt so sad. i feel anger towards everyone because I am kind of jealous how they are still living their life and I can barely remember to eat some days. I don't know what to do I'm only 20 and I don't want my life to pass me by but every time I do try to reconnect and get out into the world I find myself feeling like an alien. Its like i'm there but I'm not. I don't want to turn into one of those people who never leave their home. I have no family really left and I'm scared I'm going down a path of loneliness... All of this is my fault though....

[mazing]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It is never easy to lose a loved one. It's not your fault Everyone has different ways and times of grieving. For some it can take longer than others but it becomes more of a challenge when you become isolated.

Do you have anyone you can talk to about what you are feeling and what has happened? The hardest thing about grief is having to deal with it alone. That in itself can make it harder to move forward.

You can move on from this. It takes time, support and being gentle with yourself. Take it one day at a time. If you can I would suggest setting small goals for the day to achieve (whether that be around your own care - eating, showering, going for a walk, or building relationships). Things that you can do and slowly build on those goals. Find things that help you to relax and feel slightly better. In time the agonizing grief can fade and you can move forward.

Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting your grandmother or the memories you shared either but finding ways to incorporate them into your life now. They can still hurt at times but slowly they become good memories again of the times you had together. It can really help to share those memories with other family and friends if they are open to it.

I'm thinking of you.

[jaynedough]

Hi LBG. I'm so sorry you're hurting. So sorry for the loss of someone who was so obviously special. What Mazing said was spot-on. There is one thing I want to add. If you don't have one, please consider getting a therapist. One who can help you work through your grief. You deserve to be happy; it doesn't mean you love your grandmother less. I'm guessing that your grandmother would want you to be happy. Be gentle with yourself. Keep posting.