[Tsuki632]

My mom passed away Nov 15, 2015 after a 9 year battle with breast cancer. My mom lived life to the fullest. She had a manner about her that made everyone in the room feel like they mattered. Over 700 people turned up to the visitation and funeral, including my pre-school teacher (I'm 38), and the parent of one of her students from 15 years ago. Very few people who ever met my mom ever forgot her. Mercifully, mom was only really sick for a short while.

Now I find myself irritable and angry almost all the time. I'm exhausted. On the upside I am still getting myself to work and eating.

I don't know what to do with these feelings or how to direct them. Right now hubby is taking the brunt of it. Everything he says annoys me. Thank goodness he's an incredibly patient man. We lost his mom after a 3 month fight against cancer a year and a half ago.

Is it dumb to ask; "how am I supposed to grieve?" What do I do with these feelings? To top it off this is my usual time of year to sink into a lovely depression. Getting out of bed is getting harder. I do things I know won't make me feel better. (Lying on the couch all day gives me a headache but I do it anyway)

I have an appointment with a counsellor but it isn't until March. They lost one of their counsellors and are hoping to replace her soon which should move the appointment up. I'm not holding my breath.

[Little Lulu]

I am sorry to hear about your loss - your mother must have been a remarkable person and a great role model for you, maybe even a good support to you.

For me, anger and frustration are feelings that are real but usually something deeper is going on ... usually fear. In your particular situation, I might be feeling fearful that I wouldn't 'make it' without mom (I know this b/c I lost my mother also) and that a major depression might settle in that would be difficult to overcome.

Counseling is a great idea and I hope you can get an earlier appointment. Until then, when you find yourself feeling angry and wanting to lash out you might pause, feel the feelings no matter how painful they are, and talk with your husband about them if he is open to that. If not, do you have a good friend you can call when you need to vent? Journaling might be helpful, too.

Hugs to you. Grief is hard work.

Tsuki, we grieve in different ways. You are angry cause you lost your mom, your anchor. Let the anger out. Cry when you need it for they are poison leaving the soul. And i recommend writing daily in a journal of all that you are feeling. In a years time read it and see the growth you have gone through. I lost my dad 3 years ago. Still fresh and painful. Don't let others tell you to get over it, that is cruel. You take the time to process what you need and to make peace with yourself. Forgive yourself where you feel you need to and her where you need to. That is called unfinished business. You then can heal and move forward. Blessings and tc