[Pikku Myy]

I am going thru this with my mom I have accepted she has terminal ALS. The Palledean Dr, psychologist, and social worker.. including the my parents priest; are all there to support my family.

It took me three days to understand "terminal" and what it meant. I am at piece with this about mom. I am doing everything I can to make quantity of life better for her. So is my dad, my daughter, my niece... not my sister.

Is this how people disassociate? Not accepting the fact? She lives a block away and does not come by at all. She did not come by during Mothers Day; however, expects things to be normal. Today, I have been here two weeks straight,... she stops by to show how she got her eye brows waxed. Stayed 5 mins. Total denial. Is it normal for me to be angry?

I really am trying to get her to connect with my mom again before she passes away, or is unable to communicate soon. Should I forget about my sister?

I would like anyone else going thru similar experiences about grief to share them here. That is before I pop again.

Huggles... it is tough.

[Gus1234U]

{{{ Pikky~! }}} i can't believe the number of people who get upset that i have terminal conditions... (well, this week they are improved greatly, which gives me hope, but the attitudes remain.)

this culture deals with death only on TV , not at first hand. i think your sister is far more usual than not. leave her to her way, and let her deal when it's too late. i have had an aunt with ALZ take a long time to go, and her daughters were in total denial, demanding that she recognize them, etc. how sad.

she thought i was her baby sister,,, and i let her. we had some lovely conversations. but she kept asking me: what's wrong (with me)?? no one could help her to understand, it's the condition itself that robs one of understanding.

i admire you so much for your struggle to remain connected to your mom to the end. big hugs~! and much love~

your friend~
Gus

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this tragedy. My suggestion is to encourage your sister to visit once in a while (might sink in). Other than that, let her go. She is in denial. Some people go their entire lives in denial. It is their only way to cope. Keep in touch with your sister. Take care of you & your mom.

[heyhey.im.j]

My mom was recently diagnosed as terminal, her heart failure is starting to take its toll. She's almost 90, so I'm somewhat relieved that she has had a good, long life. I'm only 33, and this will be my first real experience with close family loss so needless to say I'm terrified and scared about how I'm going to handle the grief. I'm fortunate enough to have this closure process rather that it being a sudden or unexpected loss.
So, I can't offer much help really, but I can say you're not alone and offer a hug. If you need someone to talk to feel free to pm. I'll do my best to help.

[Pikku Myy]

The acceptance issue is fine within me. I totally agree with her decision about natural death vs prolonged tube feeding and such. I wish I had more support and understanding within my tiny family. It is so hard now...

[Tsukiko]

I am terribly sorry for what you and your family are going through at the moment.
In my opinion, you're going to have to allow your sister to come to accept what is happening on her own. Little can be done but explain to her the situation and hope that it sinks in before time runs out for your mother. You're doing your part and you can live knowing you're doing the right thing by supporting your mother.

[bounceback]

I would forget about your sister and focus on your mom. You could encourage her to visit but she has to come to terms with things in her own way. People grieve differently. I know when my mom was dying one brother wouldn't come up to see her and stayed away, one brother didn't like to come in the same room and avoided her, my sister wouldn't accept that she was dying and was angry and shocked when she finally died, etc. I am sorry to here about what you are going through with your mom. At least you know that in the end you were there for her and did all you could for her while your sister might end up wishing she had done more and had been there for her. Hugs to you.

[Pikku Myy]

I did not understand it when I was 7 years old and my best friend died of brain cancer. Terminal that is. I finally understood it, terminal, when my ex father inlaw passed away few years back from heart failure.. and a friend from cancer.. and finally my daughters best friend, age 15 of liver cancer. She told me how she wanted to die and game me her hamsters sweetest moment in my life as a mommy. Not sure why I am babbling, life happens quickly

[LookingforCalm]

I think you're brave. It's so hard to deal with things like this, and I can't help but think that your sister is trying to go about like things are normal. Perhaps it is denial - people deal with grief and even things that happen around them in different ways. It's also normal for you to be angry. You're doing the best you can with something that's so heavy on your heart. Your sister, I hope, will come around to what is going on. In the meantime...But it's good to give yourself, and your sister, a break.

I'm sorry for what you are going through.

[Michelea]

I lost my husband to ALS years ago, and understand how you are feeling. After my husband's diagnosis, it was almost like there was a sign on our door telling people to stay away. I felt very abandoned, and got angry at first, but later realized that it was never because they didn't want to see him. It was because they couldn't watch or accept what was happening...so they ran.

I hope your sister can bring herself to seeing your mom, but this is a battle/decision she has to work out for herself. I wish you the strength you need during this time.

[Pikku Myy]

Thank you Michelea. To say am I suffering now... Its so sad
and bad. I just try to keep her happy until she goes. Thank you again acknowling my little suffering here for my mom.