[silentlyscreaming]

About eight months ago, while I was in a psychiatric ward, an 18 year old guy killed himself. Right in front of me.
I feel so upset and angry at myself. I stood there watching. I knew what he was doing. I DID NOTHING!!!!
In the couple of days leading up to him doing what he did, he approached me a couple of times and tried to talk about how he was feeling but I dismissed it, too busy being wrapped up in myself..
Why didn't I call one of the nurses? Why didn't I try and stop him? Why do I wish so bad that it was me? I ask myself these questions everyday.
I let him and his family down. He may still be here with us today if only I had of listened and not been so damn selfish!!!!!!!!!!

[Sabrina]

Please know that he made his own choice. I don't believe you were selfish - remember you were in hospital for your own very valid reasons and taking care of yourself was what you needed to do! I am sorry that you had to experience this.

[(JD)]

OH I'm so sorry you experienced this! You did what you could at the time. Let's think about this, ok? You were in the ward because you were unable to take care of yourself, to keep yourself safe. You are beating yourself up because you didn't take care of someone else, a stranger, who also couldn't keep himself safe?

I'm sure the nurses and doctors, in whose care this young man was, knew all about his problems. That's why he was there. Unfortunately, those who are determined and so inclined will end their own lives in spite of any measures we might take.

What you are experiencing is a true human response. Try not to look back at the situation with today's abilities. It appears that if it happened again, today, you would be able to do something and perhaps save the boy's life. That doesn't mean you would have been able to back then, as you see you couldn't.

I think you need to continue to talk this through with someone. Guilt can be a terrible thing to carry. You don't need to feel guilty. You did nothing wrong. ((((hugs))))

*sigh*.... I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad about this. It's very very hard I do so understand.

I was a lifeguard(at a city pool) years ago and was hiking along a river trail one day. Three people were across the river, two guys and one lady-- they were acting intoxicated. The river was rapid and high with the new spring run off. The lady waded in the river and then couldn't get back to shore, the two guys put their belts together and tried to throw one end out to her-- but just then the river up and took her away...... as I--(with lifeguard training) stood in shock with my dog and boyfriend on the other side of the river. Later that night-- it was on the news..... the lady was found three miles down stream-- she died.

I've felt responsible for her death, I wonder so much now........

You-- you were in a place that was supposed to help people, you weren't an employee there, the ones with training-- please try not to blame yourself for what happened....
guilt can be so consuming.... I know this so well....

silentlyscreaming--

mandy