[Monica1219]

In December of 03 my mom was robbed and murdered right in front of her house just a few days before Christmas. I was six months pregnant with the first grandson of the family. The two men that took my mother's life did just because they wanted to get some quick cash. One man confronted her just after she stepped out of her car at around 2am, held a gun to her and tried to take her purse. She is a very strong woman, she wouldn't give it up. He shot at her leg, she screamed and they he shot her in the throat. She died instantly. Never getting to see my daughter's face on Christmas morning, or the birth of my son...and the many things yet to come. She was only 46 years old. I was the one that made all the arrangements for the funeral, the one that had to be strong. Now, I'm not sure that I can be strong anymore. More and more every day it's getting harder. I feel like screaming....crying (which I do a lot) and pure hate for the men that did this. If you can even call them men. They caught them this past April the day before my son was born, but no trial has been set yet. My husband is very supportive, but he doesn't really know how I feel. His mother is alive and well with many years ahead of her. Can anyone help?

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{{{{Monica}}}}}}}}}}}}

You just go ahead and scream and cry all that you need to. Wow, I don't know what to say! I would think that it would be very hard to have to deal with this on your own. A supportive husband is worth his weight in gold. Other friends and family members would be important to give you some social support. One of the things you will need to do is come to terms with this spiritually, whatever that means to you. Churches also provide social support. Then, there is professional counseling too, and that might make it easier to process these very difficult feelings that you are working through. None of this will make it all better right now - it can take a long time, and even then it still won't be fair that this tragedy happened to you and your family. I'm glad that you found us. Stick around if we can do anything to help.

Wendy

<font color=orange>"Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2."</font color=orange>

[Monica1219]

I have been going to church regularly. My pastor is a great man. For the funeral, I asked him to speak. He didn't know my Mom, but through our talks he made her come alive again. It was a beautiful service. Lately things have just been getting so hard because there are so many new things happening I wish she could be a part of. Christmas that she missed, she had so many presents under her tree. I have one daughter already and she spoiled her beyond all belief!! Then the birth of my son this past April. She was so excited to hear the news. Oddly enough only two days before she was killed, I stopped over she house to show her the ultra sound of him and tell her we had FINALLY picked a name, Christian. She was robbed of that. I would have wanted her by my side. I also recently graduated from college. Things like that. Things that she should have been able to be a part of. She was so young. I know that she is still with me, I feel her all the time....but still....it isn't the same and it isn't fair. I find myself going through the steps of grieving all over again. Thank you for your support. It means the world to me.

I can't add much to all the thoughtful comments above. I did look around the web for some local support groups and found the ones below. The one which is called Circles of Hope looks most promising since you may find others in the same circumstances. The other two appear to be general grief support groups.

My thought is that a support would be helpful IN ADDITION to seeing a therapist to process this individually. There's grief, and then there's traumatic grief. The traumatic kind often needs some special attention, such as therapy. This doesn't mean you are going crazy (although I'll bet is sure feels that way!), it just means that you REALLY need to talk about this.

Please take care. Emmy

Circles of Hope
St. Catherine Hospital
Pastoral Care Conference Room
4321 Fir Street
East Chicago, IN 46312
(219) 392-7197
Last Wednesday of each month except December from 6:00 pm to 7:30 pm
Support group for those affected by violence.

Consoling Hearts Grief Support Group
St. Joan of Arc Parish Hall
200 E. 78th Place
Merrillville, IN 46410
(219) 769-1973 or (219) 947-6185
Pre-registration required.
Thursdays from 6:30 pm to 8:00 pm
Support for those suffering from the loss of a loved one.

Living After Loss
C/o Methodist Hospital
Southlake Campus
8701 Broadway
Merrillville, IN 46410
(219) 886-4335
Meets each Monday 6:00 pm to 7:30 pm
Classroom C
Support Group.

"Language is a Trojan horse by which the universe gets into the mind. ." -- Hugh Kenner

[Monica1219]

Wow. Thank you so much for taking the time to do that for me. This means a lot. Thank you. I'm in the process of finding a great therapist. I actually work for a wonderful doctor that know nearly everyone in the medical field, so he is also helping. So wonderful to know there are people out there willing to lend a helping hand. People like all of you really make the world a better place....wish there were more...things like this wouldn't happen. Again, thank you.

[gloria]

There is a wonderful book called "Don't take away my grief"....I hope it helps you. It did wonders for me.

gab

[Monica1219]

Thanks. By any chance do you know who the author is?

[thisisnotanexit]

i am so sorry. i've never dealt personally with what you're going through, but i've been there in other ways. i agree with some of the aforementioned posts, a therapist or counselor or someone can do a world of good. just talking about it on here is good. one day the dark clouds will lift, but until then im so sorry and i pray that you won't be so sad. contact me if you want, "this too shall pass"